3 year old behavior problems

[gsrcivic]

I was wondering the typical behavior for a 3 year old? My son turned three at the very end of april and is such a difficult child. He was my first child and has been very spoiled and high maintanance since day one. I have completley figured out I have lost the control with him but do not know how to take it back. I also have a daughter who is about to turn 2. I think he got away with alot of things because she was a new baby and took alot of my attention and also I always felt guilty he was so little when she was born. He sleeps in my bed... he constantly throws tantrums to get his way. I fight with him every 5 mins and I am exhausted by the end of the day. I love him but I dont always like him. I try so hard not to yell or spank him but he pushes and pushes any normal person finally snaps. Time out... yeah right! I have to spank him 5 times to make him stay there. He will kick the walls inch his way out and when i try to put him back he looks like he is convulsing. HELP!!! We fight every night at dinner, he has never eaten anything hardly. I go to the trouble of making dinner and he wont touch it. I have tried sending him to his room, I have tried taking his plate away and giving him nothing, (not even a drink until he eats some dinner). He comes home and fights me all the way until dinner is ready for candy and cheese. I give him none, we sit down to eat and he picks and i get frustrated i take the plate away and then he throws a fit that he wants it, sometimes I give him a second chance and its the same thing. Finally i say no more chances and throw it in the trash and have to listen to him wine and cry about it half the night. I give him choice of clothes to wear in the morning and he does not want either. He trys to go get his Thomas the train shirt out of the dirty clothes insisting it is not dirty. When i show him it is he insists, "No its not". I take him for donuts on friday morning it is our routine. He crys now every morning for them. He will not sit down at the dinner table he stands in his chair and u have to fight the whole dinner time trying to make him sit down.  Yesterday he stood at the bottom of the stairs and pitched a fit for 45mins stomping and hitting the wall for me to come down and get him he was scared (he wanted me to carry him up the stairs). I explained to him that he was not scared (broad daylight outside), when he was done throwing his fit he could join me and my daughter. We had a power struggle for 45 mins until he finally gave in and came upstairs and told me he was sorry he wanted to be nice now. He wants to sleep halfway on top of me and everything is such a struggle. Is this normal behavior?

[margypops]

It is Normal actually as your son has felt jealous about the new Baby, and because you have got into a Battle of wills it has continued . You say you fight with him every 5 mins, stop doing that , try to figure out the trigger point for the tantrums before they happen, set some Bounderies and use the time out system, Banish the spanking idea it does not work and teaches him its okay to hit others.Your problem is one of Parent/Child interaction,thats not working.From when you read this post, no more fights ,,back off, dont do it ,if he yells that okay ,let him, place a chair somewhere quiet tell him to stay on it till he is quiet and sorry, it can be a mat or a bean bag even,he will yell, he will get off , do not yell back at him, say nothing ,take him back on to the chair  over and over ,till he is quiet and sorry then a big Hug .Give him more attention now ,and make sure he knows he is loved as much as the 2 year old, if there is a Dad there ask him to help with lots of Games and guy stuff.No choices of clothes put out the ones he has to wear,Do the same with the sleeping take him into his room after reading stories say goodnight and leave the room, he will come out take him back .let him yell at the bottom of the stairs ,if you keep giving in he is getting mixed Messages, consistancy is the key.