5 year old behavior problems

[mikeanddonna81]

We are having major problems at home with our 5 year old son.  He wakes up early in the mornings (5:30-6:30 am) and basically is torturing something or someone.  He is very aggressive to his 3 year old sister and our bulldog, as in hitting, kicking, pinching, etc.  He also has been running away from my wife, by un-latching our 6 ft security fence, so I then put a lock on it and he now climbs and jumps it.  He now has a few friends that come over and he always breaks down in a temper when something does not go his way, and his friends basically ask him why he keeps acting like that, its sad because it is like his friends do not want to be around him.  We have now went to three behavioral specialists, and have not seen no improvement, we have tried many techniques and nothing has happened, from a chart to where he gets a sticker for being good to getting tickets for good behavior and he can use those tickets to do things.  I am a very concerned father, I do not want him to lose friends over this, I try to explain to him but the tantrums still stay the same.  I have him in hockey which he loves deeply and keeps him busy.  He is starting kindergarten this year, at his pre-school (speech) he was the total opposite than how he acts at home!  I just want to know what to do to correct this?  Seems like nothing is working and the different ways to to help are just going down.  What would be a good route to take?

[mikeanddonna81]

Thanks for the post and yes I will definitley keep you posted on what we find out with our counselor/therapist, and you the same!  I agree on the safety side of it, i just get nervous with him hurting himself or his sister, like i said we have been told by teachers that he is the sweetest boy in school which I hope that stays how it is :-)  We just have to figure out how to deal with it at home!  If you hear of any other ways please keep me posted as well!  Thanks again!!  Hope things go well for you all as well!!

[mikeanddonna81]

Thank you for the comment and the references, as i said anything that i can read and get ideas from is greatly appreciated!!  Good luck on your end as well!!

[mikeanddonna81]

Sorry i got a little carried away, i appoligize, thank you for the help, anything i can get is great!!

[Ajsmommybdd]

Also my son shows a lot of the same issues....his friends DO NOT want to be around him because he is "mean". They are also going to run some test to see if he may have ADHD. Good Luck with your child and I hope you can figure something out....if you do let me know because I am in the same boat with him. As a single mom with 4 year old, 2 year old, and another baby on the way I fear for my other childrens saftey. It is horrible how some parents can down you and say the supervison is not there when they dont know what you are going through....me on the other hand I understand because I am dealing with it as well Good LUCK

[Ajsmommybdd]

I too am dealing with the same issues out of my four year old son.We were told to take him to a Child Counselor. At first I was skepital about it, but watching his behavior I agreed. I have tried spanking and Time outs that didn't seem to work and was at wits end. The counselor explained to me today that my son has Behavior Disturbance Disorder. We are going to continue seeing her and changing up the normal techniques that we have been following. Also we are going try making a Rule chart which will be posted on the fridge, in the bed room and bathroom going over it with him daily until he understand these are the rules and if I do not follow them there WILL be consequences for my actions. He is a very smart child however she believes he is immature in the aspect of his behavior. (he still behaves as a 2 year old). Good Luck !!!!

[Sandman2]

   Hi, I've never been a big fan of the reward system to change bad behavior.  It works great to reinforce good behavior, but at his age he is too young to relate that to the wrong behavior.
Not sure what your therapists have told you - but to change behavior, you have to be immediate, consistent, age appropriate with consequences, and keep at it for 3 weeks to see a behavioral change.  I haven't read the book mentioned by Christine (definitely will check it out), but a book that shows how to use the timeout method very effectively using the important steps I mentioned is  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark. Probably worth checking them both out.
       Also, kids do need to be taught how to handle their anger.  There are a couple sets of books aimed at this age group.  One is, " How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger" (Laugh And Learn). That and several more are found here - http://www.amazon.com/Take-Grrrr-Anger-Laugh-Learn/dp/1575421178/ref=pd_sim_b_7
          Another good set is the," Don't Rant and Rave on Wednesdays!" The Children's Anger-Control Book. That and others in the set are found here - http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Rant-Rave-Wednesdays-Anger-Control/dp/0933849540/ref=pd_sim_b_1
         A great series is the   "Learning to get along" series found here  http://www.amazon.com/Share-Take-Turns-Learning-Along/dp/1575421240/ref=pd_sim_b_4
          If his waking up early is a problem, let him stay up a bit later at night and really work him in hockey practices.
        Finally, if he continues having these problems mainly at home and school is going ok, do talk to his teachers and get their opinion of what works.
        Hope this helps.

[margypops]

You misinterpreted in your defensiveness to what I said , I did not mean to sound degrading in any way .I am sorry you heard it that way ....I still think a lot of the child's behavior can be stopped by supervision ..good luck

[mikeanddonna81]

Thank you Christine for the reference, I will definitly take a look for that book and give it a try!  Nothing is never to weird, sometimes the weirdest things are the things that help!!  Thanks again!

[mikeanddonna81]

When I await comments, I dont await something degrading when all you talk about is my parenting, I am not some low life, and sounds like you like to make predictions before you know the full story.  "Supervision" he has plenty of all day along with the attention, it only takes a few seconds for him to do that....I could be out throwing the ball with him and if he throws it past me and I go to get it, that can be his escape, just giving you an example, he does not go out without one of us outside.  If you were not trying to be degrading then I appoligize now, but like I said, that first part of your post is pretty degrading especially towards someone you dont know! Our doctors and psychologists dont even come around like this!

[margypops]

You are in control of making sure he doesn't hurt the innocent dog and the younger child, do not leave him alone with them ..how can he get over a 6ft fence if someone is there, more supervision is needed . Have you tried time outs and taking privileges away from him , no TV computer ,video games something he likes doing  hockey ?, Don't have friends around whilst he is like this .I think you have to get tough on him for misbehavior, and focus on his positive side he could be acting out to get attention as bad behavior gets him that .

[ChristineMP]

How long did you try different techniques? Any system to change behavior takes time (weeks) and consistency.

You may want to get the book "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child". Dr. Kazdin's technique is so unique...it looks and sounds a bit crazy but it works. It isn't a magic bullet or overnight cure and it does take consistency and work on the part of the parent. Best wishes for you!