son behaviour

[reeder1701]

My 7 year son is twin 2 of an non identical pair of IVF twins - has a younger sister age 4 - his behaviour at home is terrible - but his a very bright child - he becomes aggressive, frustrated and angry - dont like this behaviour at home - but wouldnt mind if it remain in the home environment - but has now migrated into parties situations - last two parties his behaviour has been commented on - also had a friend round for coffee and again his behaviour was embrassing - in fact my friend and her children left - this behaviour is stoping us doing things as a family and stop him being invited to friends houses - or friends being invited back - worried about the behaviour - he is nearly as tall as me and physical stronger and have been on the rec end of an accidental push - help

[SL345]

Talk to him outside of a situation - before it occurs - neutrally describe the observed behaviors to him, ask him if he's noticed when and why it happens and pose your theory to him. Ask him how he's feeling in those situations. Tell him you think he may be feeling uncomfortable and then try to brainstorm with him what might help him feel more comfortable. Create a special word or signal only you two will know that can signal each other if he or you notice these behaviors/feelings in the moment. It's not going to transform the problems but it may give you/him some mental space to begin to work on it. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

[reeder1701]

Thank you - i think you right - his twin brother is very populare and when his friends come along it then they play with - and at the parties he seems to be unable to cope in company- but fine one to one - just dont know how to get him to calm down and see that his behaviour is not acceptable

[SL345]

I imagine you've talked to your son about his behavior - what does he say about it? Behavior has meaning - if he's behaving in those ways there is a reason behind it. If it was happening across all domains, one would expect it might have a biological basis. What do the school reports say about him? If it is happening only situationally, you need to address what might be troubling your son. The list could be endless: social anxiety? jealousy? c ompetition? You probabaly have some preliminary hypothesis about it.

[reeder1701]

No at school he is a bright and well behave

[LRM1021]

Is he acting up in school too? If so, you need to seek evaluation for him to see what's going on.