Aa
spanking
Please help...I have three boys ages 5,4 and 20 months.I didnt believe in spanking my boys at an early age and refused to although their father(who does not live with us) did and now the boys are out of hand. THey listen to their Dad and not me and now i feel like i failed as a parent and just want to give up, now he says its all because i didnt listen to him and that i should just sign the two older ones over to him. I cant give up on my kids i just need some advice or help on what to do now. I actually tried to spank them today and they pretty much laughed and said it didnt hurt which i didnt intend it to anyway i think it is too late for that but now what do i do?Any parents or people raised with/without spanking your comments will be greatly apprecciated.....I am new to this site but am really enjoying it...i love how people can just vent how they feel without anyone sayinhg they are right or wrong but just their opinion on the subject.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I forgot to mention that there are several good series of books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old child. They are meant to be read aloud to the kids (which is a nice thing to do just before bed). The books are highly illustrated and also entertaining. There is the, "Best Behavior Series", the "Learning to Get Along Series", and "The Way I Feel Series. " You can get a feeling for them here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
To+this+day+i+get+complimented+on+my+manners+and+respect+4+people.because+thats+the+way+i+was+taught.i+knew+there+was+a+price+to+pay+if+i+didnt+respect+people.i+will+admit+i+went+thru+sum+mental+abuse+due+to+words+that+were+said+to+me.but+the+spanking+never+caused+any+damage.i+turned+out+to+be+the+respectful+guy+i+am+today+because+of+discipline.i+have+a+family+member+on+the+other+hand+i+grew+up+with.who+never+got+spanked.timeout+was+the+policy+and+by+the+time+she+was+14+she+was+beating+her+mom+up.eye+4+an+eye.im+pretty+sure+that+was+mans+law+and+it+didnt+involve+spanking+children.im+not+saying+abuse+children.but+nothin+wrong+with+3+smacks+across+the+butt+to+let+them+know+wat+they+did+was+wrong.+thats+my+last+comment+cuz+i+know+its+gonna+cause+controversy+but+its+true.+look+how+older+people+tend+to+be+more+respectful+than+younger+people.becuz+they+were+disciplined+growing+back+then
Ugh...there is nothing that annoys me more than Proverbs 13:24 being misquoted and used as an excuse to hit or beat your children. I also find it funny that some people who quote that verse don't have a clue of 1) where it's located in the book of Proverbs, and 2) the intended meaning of this verse, which is more than just "spare the rod..." The whole verse in its entirety is "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."
However, most people only quote the "spare the rod" part. The actual context of the "rod" is meant in terms of a shepherd's rod--that long stick with a crook--if you've noticed, the Bible compares people to sheep and God to a shepherd quite a bit. In this case, the parent is the shepherd. A shepherd looks after and protects the sheep with that rod in hand, which is used to herd the sheep closer to the shepherd (my mom raises sheep, so the whole shepherd's rod thing is familiar to me); the crook of the rod is used to pull sheep in closer to the flock or shepherd gently by its neck. But you never hear, read, or see illustrations with a shepherd hitting or beating sheep with that rod. It is used as a protective tool. The verse "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them," is not meant to be taken as hit or beat your children with a rod, for goodness' sake...it's meant to be taken as, if you let your children run willy-nilly with no boundaries and care nothing about it, then you care nothing for your children; those who love their children use their "rod" of authority to keep their children close, establish boundaries, and protect their children.
"Discipline" comes from the word "desciple," or "pupil." Basically, your children are disciplined to be taught. They are students of your lifestyle--the values and morals you hold and wish to pass on to them.
Anyway.
elizabeth22, it just sounds as if the boys need boundaries established and consistency applied to the discipline that comes with remaining in those boundaries. It won't be an easy task training the boys if they're so used to things as they are now, but with the advice of the others above and the recommendation of the books listed, I think the kids can be much better behaved in a matter of weeks.
You are not a failure as a parent! I like the way adgal put it: "But don't give up on yourself any more then you would give up on your kids. None of us are perfect parents."
However, most people only quote the "spare the rod" part. The actual context of the "rod" is meant in terms of a shepherd's rod--that long stick with a crook--if you've noticed, the Bible compares people to sheep and God to a shepherd quite a bit. In this case, the parent is the shepherd. A shepherd looks after and protects the sheep with that rod in hand, which is used to herd the sheep closer to the shepherd (my mom raises sheep, so the whole shepherd's rod thing is familiar to me); the crook of the rod is used to pull sheep in closer to the flock or shepherd gently by its neck. But you never hear, read, or see illustrations with a shepherd hitting or beating sheep with that rod. It is used as a protective tool. The verse "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them," is not meant to be taken as hit or beat your children with a rod, for goodness' sake...it's meant to be taken as, if you let your children run willy-nilly with no boundaries and care nothing about it, then you care nothing for your children; those who love their children use their "rod" of authority to keep their children close, establish boundaries, and protect their children.
"Discipline" comes from the word "desciple," or "pupil." Basically, your children are disciplined to be taught. They are students of your lifestyle--the values and morals you hold and wish to pass on to them.
Anyway.
elizabeth22, it just sounds as if the boys need boundaries established and consistency applied to the discipline that comes with remaining in those boundaries. It won't be an easy task training the boys if they're so used to things as they are now, but with the advice of the others above and the recommendation of the books listed, I think the kids can be much better behaved in a matter of weeks.
You are not a failure as a parent! I like the way adgal put it: "But don't give up on yourself any more then you would give up on your kids. None of us are perfect parents."
I also agree with Sandman. As far as I am concerned the only thing hitting a child teaches them is to fear you. I don't want my child to be afraid of me. And yes, timeouts and reward systems work. Hitting, yelling, etc. are just not effective means of discipline. At least in my opinion.
Love it Sandman ...true words ..
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ya right, as a kid I learned to start crying as soon as my dad started spanking me, and he would stop immediately. Being the adult means just that - not beating the kid till he figures out when to cry. When my dad stopped spanking and resorted to making us work off our misdeeds, that's when I began to become a lot more careful. Timeouts do work - if done correctly!
The Bible also says "an eye for an eye," etc. Ouch.
The Bible also says "an eye for an eye," etc. Ouch.
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