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Holding your baby, spoiling and the pacifier/dummy??
This is probably a question that comes up alot but I would like to know the various opinions about it. My daughter will be 8 weeks on Tuesday. My MIL was over today and said she is being too spoiled, with us holding her so much, going to her every cry. Mind you, when the baby phone is on, I have let her for a few minutes crying several times whern I was in the middle of something but I don't do it deliberately. Several others have told us that as well.
Our daughter sometimes makes noises when she breathes, it sounds a bit like wheezing but I thought that it was normal until they are about 3-4 months old. My MIL said she needs a good cry (20 minutes!!!!!!) to 'clear her lungs' and that many are in the opinion that crying is the language of a baby and they should 'let it out' every now and then.
Of course, my heart says NO. I will not let my baby wail for 20 min. I let her today for 5 minutes and now when she cries the rest of the day, I feel as though she is scared that I won't come to her, it sounds like she has a bit of fear now in there :-(
Would like to know some opinions about this topic. Also what about giving the dummy to calm a baby down into being alone? For e.g., having dinner, breakfast with my hubby and she starts to cry on her playing gym/mat. Then we give her the dummy and she's quite content. I'm afraid she will get obsessed with the pacifier/dummy but all she wants to do is suck, my breasts, clothes - practically all the time!!
Some responses and experiences would be great also to relieve my mind......
P.S. My daughter sleeps wonderfully nights, doesn't have colic, rarely fusses, smiles and laughs alot and is really attentive and curious when awake so I think that I must be doing good up until now.
P.S.S. My husband was really annoyed with his Mum with her comments but she was trying to be nice and speak from experience.
Our daughter sometimes makes noises when she breathes, it sounds a bit like wheezing but I thought that it was normal until they are about 3-4 months old. My MIL said she needs a good cry (20 minutes!!!!!!) to 'clear her lungs' and that many are in the opinion that crying is the language of a baby and they should 'let it out' every now and then.
Of course, my heart says NO. I will not let my baby wail for 20 min. I let her today for 5 minutes and now when she cries the rest of the day, I feel as though she is scared that I won't come to her, it sounds like she has a bit of fear now in there :-(
Would like to know some opinions about this topic. Also what about giving the dummy to calm a baby down into being alone? For e.g., having dinner, breakfast with my hubby and she starts to cry on her playing gym/mat. Then we give her the dummy and she's quite content. I'm afraid she will get obsessed with the pacifier/dummy but all she wants to do is suck, my breasts, clothes - practically all the time!!
Some responses and experiences would be great also to relieve my mind......
P.S. My daughter sleeps wonderfully nights, doesn't have colic, rarely fusses, smiles and laughs alot and is really attentive and curious when awake so I think that I must be doing good up until now.
P.S.S. My husband was really annoyed with his Mum with her comments but she was trying to be nice and speak from experience.
I think you have a pretty good handle on mothering, she sounds like a very wonderful little girl, I can see some reason in what your husbands mom says,but 20 mins of crying at her age is in my opinion too long , I do agree running to her immediatly is sending her the message that you will run and will definatly make her realise Mommy is concerned if I cry, so I will cry. Your perception of 5 mins is good and whilst she is little perhaps stick to that. My thoughts about holding and spoiling are that all children of any age thrive when cared for , held a lot , talked to a lot, danced with ,sang to, from Day one.I have read stories to babies of a few days old, and I believe the more nurturing that they get the more benefit throughout their lives.Your husband shouldnt be mad at his Mom she is trying to help in her own way and it is some input, which is better than none so tell him to relax and take advise from her, you can still do what you want .As for the "dummy' pacifier I also believe that if she wants it give her it, and NO it isnt hard to get rid of later, if the sucking gives her joy and comfort thats a good thing...isnt it. Trust me when the time is right you will with her say "Bye Bye Dummy , remove it a day or two of crying and all forgotten, distraction works with this and a new Toy or Teddy or sippy cup , to replace the Dummy .Good luck, its an exciting time in your life.. enjoy her.and let His Mom have her say .
The last thing a new mother needs is her MIL around! Do what 'feels' right to you!!! They are ONLY babies ONCE - you will never get this time back to spoil and love on them!
The MIL is the childs Gran mother.............and the babies Dad is her son..
No kidding?!!!
The comment was based on the fact that it is not the MILs decision as to how the child is to be raised - it is the parents. Her comments are not appropriate or necessary. It is hard enough on a new mother - with no sleep and trying to find a routine. A MIL interviening is not necessary. A MIL should be there for SUPPORT not for unwanted advice. A new mother should do what feels right to her - not what is right for anyone else!
The comment was based on the fact that it is not the MILs decision as to how the child is to be raised - it is the parents. Her comments are not appropriate or necessary. It is hard enough on a new mother - with no sleep and trying to find a routine. A MIL interviening is not necessary. A MIL should be there for SUPPORT not for unwanted advice. A new mother should do what feels right to her - not what is right for anyone else!
8 weeks is a very young girl to be spoil, all what she need now is to feel safe and surrounded by loved people, each mom become very proud that she became a mom , and this what happens with grandmothers, when they have a grandchild is the best time to show off,even me and you will start to show off when we become grandmothers , do what your hart tells you but remove 10% to 20% of what your hart tells you.
Laras comment has a lot of good truth, maybe you could also think that because she is your Husbands Mom it sounds like interfering would you feel the same way if it is Your Mom ,does your Mom not give advice why not give husbands Mom the benefit of the doubt I am sure your husband will feel happier aswell she is his Mom .,and she probably does care , as I said and this was the main topic you asked help with ,I believe letting the Baby cry for a short while is okay, 20 mins sounds like a long time, and I think the more you fuss over a small baby the better. Good Luck,.
I just want to say thanks guys for your posts. It was really encouraging reading your thoughts and having alot of support out there and especially that heaps of Mums are doing the same thing that I am. I'm not in the opinion that I'm spoiling her, I refuse to let my child wail and then in the end gasp for air, I just can't bear it and in my heart (and my mind tells me as well!!) it feels entirely wrong.
Thanks guys for your comments, they helped alot :-)
Thanks guys for your comments, they helped alot :-)
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