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Divorce Plagues Kids' Social, Academic Lives for Years
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/06/02/divorce-plagues-kids-social-academic-lives-for-years/
Young kids whose parents divorce struggle with math, social skills and emotions such as anxiety and depression for at least two years after the split, a new study finds.
The research is the first long-term study to break down the effects of divorce by the predivorce, during-divorce and postdivorce phases. Surprisingly, said study researcher Hyun Sik Kim, a doctoral candidate at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, parents' predivorce marital problems didn't influence their kids' social and school success. But once divorce proceedings began, children fell behind and failed to catch up for at least two years.
"The best thing I can suggest is that when we observe children of divorce, we need to intervene as early as possible," Kim told LiveScience. "Because if children of divorce undergo a certain stage, then it is hard to make them catch up to their counterparts."
For the children
Previous research has shown that divorce is tough on kids, with one study showing the experience doubled a kid's risk of stroke over a lifetime, perhaps due to the effect of stress. But parental screaming and fighting are bad for kids, too, so the question remains: Is divorce ever good for kids?
Kim used data from a nationally representative long-term survey following kids who entered kindergarten in 1998 until eighth grade. He followed kids whose parents got divorced between their child's kindergarten and third-grade years, finding 142 kids of divorce compared with 3,443 kids in intact homes. (Kids whose parents had been widowed or already divorced and remarried were excluded from the study.)
After controlling for factors such as socioeconomic status, teen parenthood and parents' marital satisfaction, Kim compared the kids of "stable" and "split" households on measures including math and reading tests, teacher ratings of social skills, and teacher ratings of behavioral problems.
He found that kids of divorce began to struggle as soon as their parents began divorce proceedings. Over the next two years, the kids of divorce stayed behind other kids on math skills and social skills and they began "internalizing behavior problems," that is, behavior problems that manifest themselves by way of sadness, loneliness, anxiety and depression, Kim found. [Read: 6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]
Postdivorce difficulties
Given that parents on the road to divorce likely have troubled marriages, Kim had predicted that the conflict would be reflected in their kids' development.
"It was a little bit surprising, but when I looked the research about divorce and child development, there are some explanations," Kim said. "For example, not all divorces are plagued with marital conflict."
Another explanation, he said, is that parents whose children seem especially sensitive (struggling even without divorce) might decide to hold off on divorce for fear of upsetting their child. Thus, a large proportion of kids struggling with unhappy parents end up in the two-parent home group rather than the divorced-parent group.
The sample size wasn't large enough to look at the effects of divorce by gender, age or ethnicity, Kim said. One 1989 study found that children whose parents divorced in the first five years of the child's life were worse off than children whose parents divorced later, so the results may not apply to every age group. Kim plans to replicate the study with different groups of kids.
In the meantime, he said, there are good reasons that the divorce and postdivorce phases may be tougher on kids than predivorce discord. Custody battles, a parent moving away, and the shuttling back and forth between two new households can all cause hardship, Kim said.
Kim reported his results in June in the journal American Sociological Review.
Young kids whose parents divorce struggle with math, social skills and emotions such as anxiety and depression for at least two years after the split, a new study finds.
The research is the first long-term study to break down the effects of divorce by the predivorce, during-divorce and postdivorce phases. Surprisingly, said study researcher Hyun Sik Kim, a doctoral candidate at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, parents' predivorce marital problems didn't influence their kids' social and school success. But once divorce proceedings began, children fell behind and failed to catch up for at least two years.
"The best thing I can suggest is that when we observe children of divorce, we need to intervene as early as possible," Kim told LiveScience. "Because if children of divorce undergo a certain stage, then it is hard to make them catch up to their counterparts."
For the children
Previous research has shown that divorce is tough on kids, with one study showing the experience doubled a kid's risk of stroke over a lifetime, perhaps due to the effect of stress. But parental screaming and fighting are bad for kids, too, so the question remains: Is divorce ever good for kids?
Kim used data from a nationally representative long-term survey following kids who entered kindergarten in 1998 until eighth grade. He followed kids whose parents got divorced between their child's kindergarten and third-grade years, finding 142 kids of divorce compared with 3,443 kids in intact homes. (Kids whose parents had been widowed or already divorced and remarried were excluded from the study.)
After controlling for factors such as socioeconomic status, teen parenthood and parents' marital satisfaction, Kim compared the kids of "stable" and "split" households on measures including math and reading tests, teacher ratings of social skills, and teacher ratings of behavioral problems.
He found that kids of divorce began to struggle as soon as their parents began divorce proceedings. Over the next two years, the kids of divorce stayed behind other kids on math skills and social skills and they began "internalizing behavior problems," that is, behavior problems that manifest themselves by way of sadness, loneliness, anxiety and depression, Kim found. [Read: 6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]
Postdivorce difficulties
Given that parents on the road to divorce likely have troubled marriages, Kim had predicted that the conflict would be reflected in their kids' development.
"It was a little bit surprising, but when I looked the research about divorce and child development, there are some explanations," Kim said. "For example, not all divorces are plagued with marital conflict."
Another explanation, he said, is that parents whose children seem especially sensitive (struggling even without divorce) might decide to hold off on divorce for fear of upsetting their child. Thus, a large proportion of kids struggling with unhappy parents end up in the two-parent home group rather than the divorced-parent group.
The sample size wasn't large enough to look at the effects of divorce by gender, age or ethnicity, Kim said. One 1989 study found that children whose parents divorced in the first five years of the child's life were worse off than children whose parents divorced later, so the results may not apply to every age group. Kim plans to replicate the study with different groups of kids.
In the meantime, he said, there are good reasons that the divorce and postdivorce phases may be tougher on kids than predivorce discord. Custody battles, a parent moving away, and the shuttling back and forth between two new households can all cause hardship, Kim said.
Kim reported his results in June in the journal American Sociological Review.
There are so many different issues here aren't there.
I agree. Sometimes divorce is necessary. It is not good for a child to grow up witnessing abuse, etc. I too know that one first hand.
On the other hand, I also don't think many work hard enough at their relationship. And it takes both to do that. How many situations do we see where one person wants to work through it and the other just won't bother? Someone I care about is going through that right now. It's sad to see.
But at the end of the day, if it is necessary and people just can't work it out, then it is a must that they not stick their kids in the middle. Either saying nasty things about the other, or even saying in front of their kids they are only working on it for the childs sake..what an awful thing to do. It never ceases to amaze me what people will put their kids through for their own selfish motives.
We have friends who have just split up after 17 years. They have 3 kids. It too was one of those "I just want to be free" situations. But, I do have to give them credit. They are living just a few blocks from each other, talk regularly and very civily and neither has said one nasty word..at least not around the kids. Two of their children are old enough to walk back and forth as they want to and have bedrooms, etc. at both homes. The youngest still needs to be escorted, but see's mommy and daddy almost daily. So I guess it's as good a situation as there can be. Still...sad to see them splitting up. But, one just didn't want to be married anymore I guess. The other sure wanted to make it work. Sad.
I agree. Sometimes divorce is necessary. It is not good for a child to grow up witnessing abuse, etc. I too know that one first hand.
On the other hand, I also don't think many work hard enough at their relationship. And it takes both to do that. How many situations do we see where one person wants to work through it and the other just won't bother? Someone I care about is going through that right now. It's sad to see.
But at the end of the day, if it is necessary and people just can't work it out, then it is a must that they not stick their kids in the middle. Either saying nasty things about the other, or even saying in front of their kids they are only working on it for the childs sake..what an awful thing to do. It never ceases to amaze me what people will put their kids through for their own selfish motives.
We have friends who have just split up after 17 years. They have 3 kids. It too was one of those "I just want to be free" situations. But, I do have to give them credit. They are living just a few blocks from each other, talk regularly and very civily and neither has said one nasty word..at least not around the kids. Two of their children are old enough to walk back and forth as they want to and have bedrooms, etc. at both homes. The youngest still needs to be escorted, but see's mommy and daddy almost daily. So I guess it's as good a situation as there can be. Still...sad to see them splitting up. But, one just didn't want to be married anymore I guess. The other sure wanted to make it work. Sad.
I totally agree with this article..obviously there are some really good reasons for divorce and I completely understand certain circumstances. But maybe "staying together for the kids" if two people can force themselves to be amicable really ISN'T as bad as we think it is...or at least making one heck of an effort to work it out.
my BIL keeps saying that he's glad he's divorcing his wife now because his kids are so young (5 and 1) but I wish I could shove this article up his nose...because the whole divorce is entirely about his own selfish motives...too much to get into here but basically he wants to go have sex with whoever and be free instead of living up to the responsibility of his family, and so his kids are going to suffer.
Once again...I really DO get some divorces. Divorce is there for a reason, and some families come out the better for it...but sometimes (SOMETIMES) I think parents need to grow up and think of their kids first...try to work it out for a few years, and when the kids are old enough to understand teh changes their lives will go through - if you must divorce, divorce then. obviously cases of abuse or the like require an expedited divorce and I get that...but waiting until your child is...what..10? makes it that much easier for them to cope with things because while they may be "used" to parents being together and have some trouble adjusting, at least they aren't blind-sided and terrified like a young child would be with no chance of understanding.
like I said...this article makes sense to me.
my BIL keeps saying that he's glad he's divorcing his wife now because his kids are so young (5 and 1) but I wish I could shove this article up his nose...because the whole divorce is entirely about his own selfish motives...too much to get into here but basically he wants to go have sex with whoever and be free instead of living up to the responsibility of his family, and so his kids are going to suffer.
Once again...I really DO get some divorces. Divorce is there for a reason, and some families come out the better for it...but sometimes (SOMETIMES) I think parents need to grow up and think of their kids first...try to work it out for a few years, and when the kids are old enough to understand teh changes their lives will go through - if you must divorce, divorce then. obviously cases of abuse or the like require an expedited divorce and I get that...but waiting until your child is...what..10? makes it that much easier for them to cope with things because while they may be "used" to parents being together and have some trouble adjusting, at least they aren't blind-sided and terrified like a young child would be with no chance of understanding.
like I said...this article makes sense to me.
I agree. I have experience as a child of divorce, and also of going through the equivalent of a divorce, although I was never married to my ex.
My mom and dad divorced when I was barely two years old. I have no memory of them ever being together. But I never understood until my late teens the impact the divorce had on me--as a child, I wanted my mom and dad back together because everyone else's parents were married and I hated going back and forth between my mom and dad. As a teen, I didn't understand why the dynamics of my relationship with my dad were the way they were (we weren't very close and had almost no bond) and I had a lot of issues about that until my early 20's.
My mom and ex-stepdad split when I was 17 and divorced when I was 18. During the three years before the divorce, they were in a rocky marriage--always fighting and I always felt stuck in the middle of their fights because they'd vent their frustrations about each other to me. I went through three years of therapy because I was so depressed, anxious, and at one point, suicidal for nearly a year. I WANTED them to get a divorce. I hated living in my own home. But when the time finally came, it wasn't any easier. The divorce was really bad and social services had to be involved for my younger sister because my parents were so beligerant with each other and my ex-stepdad is an alcoholic.
The effects on me from that divorce: anxiety attacks, lack of focus at school (I basically failed that semester of college), and bearing the responisibilities of taking care of my mom as she recovered from colon cancer and my younger sister and all our pets and livestock while still trying to work full time at Petsmart as a dog groomer.
The effects on my sister between two to six years: behavioral problems, anxiety and separation anxiety, struggling academically in school between 2nd through 4th or 5th grade, bedwetting, and, to this day, withholding emotions. She does not enjoy visits with her dad once a year (we live in AL and he's in CO) because he is still an alcoholic and drinking, which affects his behavior.
With Trevor's father, I tried for years to make my relationship work with him and was hopeful it would lead to marriage. I tried even harder for Trevor once he was born. We lived together on and off for the first 2½ years of Trevor's life. But between his controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive behavior, I just couldn't do it anymore and knew I had to end it when he began treating our son the same way. It was never good for Trevor to be aound us fighting, and I regret that, but what I regret more is that I allowed it to escalate to him treating my son the same way. We'd had a custody battle and arrangements for visitation and child support just after Trevor's birth. Because of all that being in place by law, Trevor is basically a child of divorce because our split affects him the same way as any other kids' divorced parents in the long run with custody, visitation and child support.
The effects of that split on Trevor for up to three years: lots of crying over his dad leaving and unable to understand why, feeling confusion about "loyalties" to his father verses my husband (who is more of his real father than my ex), to the current state of things where my ex is more of a distant superhero figure to him than anything real because he maintains so little contact with Trevor. At the moment, he's at an age where none of this is really affecting him anymore, but I know in the next few years, issues will start surfacing again.
Divorce is never easy. I'm not against it because I've been through it as the child and the adult--and each time there has been reason for divorce that went far deeper than "we just fell out of love" and "my spouse/partner doesn't make me happy anymore," as substance abuse and emotional abuse were factors in every single divorce/split between my parents and my own relationship. So it is possible that divorce is the best thing in some cases--but that doesn't make it a pleasant, carefree, clean-break process with no further emotions attached.
My mom and dad divorced when I was barely two years old. I have no memory of them ever being together. But I never understood until my late teens the impact the divorce had on me--as a child, I wanted my mom and dad back together because everyone else's parents were married and I hated going back and forth between my mom and dad. As a teen, I didn't understand why the dynamics of my relationship with my dad were the way they were (we weren't very close and had almost no bond) and I had a lot of issues about that until my early 20's.
My mom and ex-stepdad split when I was 17 and divorced when I was 18. During the three years before the divorce, they were in a rocky marriage--always fighting and I always felt stuck in the middle of their fights because they'd vent their frustrations about each other to me. I went through three years of therapy because I was so depressed, anxious, and at one point, suicidal for nearly a year. I WANTED them to get a divorce. I hated living in my own home. But when the time finally came, it wasn't any easier. The divorce was really bad and social services had to be involved for my younger sister because my parents were so beligerant with each other and my ex-stepdad is an alcoholic.
The effects on me from that divorce: anxiety attacks, lack of focus at school (I basically failed that semester of college), and bearing the responisibilities of taking care of my mom as she recovered from colon cancer and my younger sister and all our pets and livestock while still trying to work full time at Petsmart as a dog groomer.
The effects on my sister between two to six years: behavioral problems, anxiety and separation anxiety, struggling academically in school between 2nd through 4th or 5th grade, bedwetting, and, to this day, withholding emotions. She does not enjoy visits with her dad once a year (we live in AL and he's in CO) because he is still an alcoholic and drinking, which affects his behavior.
With Trevor's father, I tried for years to make my relationship work with him and was hopeful it would lead to marriage. I tried even harder for Trevor once he was born. We lived together on and off for the first 2½ years of Trevor's life. But between his controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive behavior, I just couldn't do it anymore and knew I had to end it when he began treating our son the same way. It was never good for Trevor to be aound us fighting, and I regret that, but what I regret more is that I allowed it to escalate to him treating my son the same way. We'd had a custody battle and arrangements for visitation and child support just after Trevor's birth. Because of all that being in place by law, Trevor is basically a child of divorce because our split affects him the same way as any other kids' divorced parents in the long run with custody, visitation and child support.
The effects of that split on Trevor for up to three years: lots of crying over his dad leaving and unable to understand why, feeling confusion about "loyalties" to his father verses my husband (who is more of his real father than my ex), to the current state of things where my ex is more of a distant superhero figure to him than anything real because he maintains so little contact with Trevor. At the moment, he's at an age where none of this is really affecting him anymore, but I know in the next few years, issues will start surfacing again.
Divorce is never easy. I'm not against it because I've been through it as the child and the adult--and each time there has been reason for divorce that went far deeper than "we just fell out of love" and "my spouse/partner doesn't make me happy anymore," as substance abuse and emotional abuse were factors in every single divorce/split between my parents and my own relationship. So it is possible that divorce is the best thing in some cases--but that doesn't make it a pleasant, carefree, clean-break process with no further emotions attached.
Interesting article. I have to wonder how much of it is due to parents behaviour during divorce. You hear so often about parents saying nasty things about the other parent to their children, that sort of thing.
It does sound like it's a bit of a catch 22. Kids growing up with all the fighting, screaming, etc....that has to be worse. I already notice that if Warren or I raise our voices at all (we are not screamers) Ryder get's immediately tense. It just shows how much we impact our kids with our own behaviours.
It does sound like it's a bit of a catch 22. Kids growing up with all the fighting, screaming, etc....that has to be worse. I already notice that if Warren or I raise our voices at all (we are not screamers) Ryder get's immediately tense. It just shows how much we impact our kids with our own behaviours.
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