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Avatar universal

I am shaking and have major anxiety please help!

I have been in a really bad relationship for the last year and a half. I have entered therapy and I just feel weak calling my therapist about this right now. The basic background,I am a single mother of three boys 15,13, and 11. I have been divorced since my youngest was 9 months old. I have had a few relationships in the years I have been single but with my kids as young as they were it was not always easy as they came first before anything. I have been a very dedicated mom. Here comes the problem. The relationship I entered into has become explosive and addictive. The man who I met mis represented himself to me and I did not find any of this out until 3 months into the relationship. First of all he was a client of mine and he needed funding for this project. He told me he had a great deal of money and it was no problem. I told my boss at the time that he was great had the money and we would not have any problems. 2 weeks before the project started he said his funding fell through. I had given my word to my boss and I felt I had to get the money or he wouldn't trust me. ( it was a new job) So I ended up getting him 20,000.00 worth of funding. He had a phone call one day and he told me not to pick up the cell phone. I found out it was his old girl friend. He said she just wouldn't understand... ( big clue) then that same day his check book fell out of his pocket in my bathroom and her name was on it with his. I said are you married he said no.. then he spilled his guts that he owes the IRS from 10 years. and she let him use her name to get a bank account. He told me he was a lawyer that he was just taking time off  and I found out he was disbarred for having severe depression and unable to handle any work. He got disbarred and was on prohbation and still tried to practice. He has 43 liens against him. He has a hording problem where he can't even move in his car it is so full of papers. Literally there is no room . It is like that in his house as well.  NOW despite all these things, I find him very bright and he always seemed to really love me , at least he verbalized it but he never really showed it except for in bed. We had great sex and that along with the way he made me feel when I was WITH him, not without him, made me want to keep the relationship going. I fell for all the words not the actions... He goes to Las Vegas every weekend and turns off his phone. I found a hookers email address from Sherries ranch and he said it was his friends not his. After I found that I just have never trusted him at all.  I should be glad to be rid of him, but I miss him. We keep breaking it off and going back together. My 15 year old son kicked him out and told him my mom doesn't know what she is doing , please leave. He has, today he has a doctors appointment near my house and I am so full of anxiety that he will come over, I want to see him, but I don't want to because I know it is bad. I will feel rejected if he doesn't call as well. I am so messed up. Hel
3 Responses
242532 tn?1269553979
There is no easy rememdy for this, it is a process to go through of letting go, and it is hard, because you are a deeply connecting person.  Your therapist is the best one to help you since you have to go through this step by step, by mis step, and by back stepping every so often as you might briefly today.

You are on your way out of this because you have the right perspective on him with all of this new informaiton, but you now have to "know" this wrong on a new feeling level, not an intellectual level.  The way to do that is to realize that your desire to be called is your own fear that there will never be another exciting man to be with.  That is false. You also have to realize that you have to repair your job situation because of him...and you should be disgusted by the postion he put you in.

The more you think, and feel, these things, the more your perspective gets "thickened" with the reality of what you already know.
Avatar universal
I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through.  It's difficult to finally let the barriers of mistrust down only to have something horrible happen.  Try to keep yourself busy whether it be work or a hobby- go out and see a movie by yourself which is a great way to lose yourself.  If you can get through this hard part, you should be fine.

Take care!
Avatar universal
I can relate to how you are feeling.  I have been through the same relationship it seems.  Hanging on to something that is so bad and don't need.     Here is a book that will help you so much.  It is easy reading and will explain why you have trouble letting someone go that treats you so badly.  The name of the book is "Women Who Love Too Much."   After I read it, I now know why I react the way I do.  After you read it, you will look at things differently.    Cpat
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