i don't even know where to begin. depressed as a child, so when i discovered drinking i loved it. when i was 19 i got into a.a. and remembered an incident of abuse by a teenaged neighbor, just felt "crazy" started cutting etc after being sober for almost a year. depression led to drinking again, and then first hospitalization. 6 hospitalizations later, i'm 24, clean from crack and alcohol for a month, really hit bottom, so that is clear, i know i'm an addict and i'm working on recovery. the rest is confusing. two different psychiatrists insist i have borderline personality disorder, yet my therapist i worked with for three years disagrees, and i'm trying to get into half-way houses but the dual diagnoses are closing a lot of doors. three years ago i started on zoloft, 200mg. now i take 1000mg depakote, and 50mg. seroquel for sleeping, 25prn for anxiety. went off 40mg of buspar last time i was in the hospital a month ago. my parents just think that i have no coping skills, the medication is "masking" that, and i should go off of them and live in a therapeutic community for a year. the t.c. won't take me because i overdosed on seroquel in june, and the diagnosis of major depression, and i'm sure of borderline. a couple years ago i got ptsd, major depression and alcohol dependance, now it's etoh dependence, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and major depression along with the bpd.
so i know this is long, but it seems like every psychiatrist is unwilling to disagree with the last one, and i can't get any clear advice that i trust. any thoughts? thank you. i really want to get better, but i am so confused.