I'm currently 13, and in seventh grade. I don't know what happened to me; I remember feeling ecstatic, energetic,full of energy, motivation. Around last year -or maybe over the summer, begining of the school year?- It's just... gone. I stay home almost every single day, and draw. All of my friends seemed to have changed, but I know it's just me. I stay by myself during school, and sit by myself at lunch and read. (No, they aren't ignoring me, I just tell them that I like quiet during lunch so I can read, or something else like that.) I'm just... quiet. Different. I don't make an effort anymore. I barely have any energy to get up anymore, and dread going to school every morning. I think as I wake up practically every day "Oh man, what could I do to get out of it today?" I'm not bullied, but sometimes, if I hear kids laughing near me in the hall, -even though I know it not to be true- I can't help but thinking they're laughing at me. And I just feel so guilty all the time, it drives me insane...
But sometimes, when I get home from school and my dad's home, I'm just, like, snap! Back to normal, feeling like I'm on a permenant sugar-high (though, it usually just lasts for an hour or so; I put on a charade for the rest of the night.) Not only that, but I get angry. Really easy. The usual source is usually my little brother. He's practically the stereotypical "popular" kid, who "all" of the girls like, and has an ego unlike no other. He usually doesn't even have to do much, just do one little thing, and I feel ready to explode. I know I shouldn't feel that angry, it just... happens. Nothing terrible ever happened to me to cause me to feel this way- I wasn't raped, bullied, abused, divorce, rejection, had a death in the family, ect. That's what makes me feel so bad about it- I've been doing my fair share of reading online, but almost all of the ones I've read say depression's caused by something traumatic happening.
Ugh, now I'm rambling. The point is, I feel... like that everyday; I know I'm deprsed. But sometimes, it just switches off an I feel normal. It's ... freaky. I've contemplated hurting myself more than once, and it scares me; I know how young I am compaired to the rest of the world. My parents don't know anything about this, no one does. (I try my best to hide it from them, especially my dad. (Soomething happened to his cousin or friend or something when I was little, or before I was born. I'm guessing suicide.) It kind of hurts, actually, that they don't notice... ERG. Anyways. I just feel depressed and without a personaliy, and then it's gone. Plus, I can't find a reason for depression (that I know of.)
(Sorry, I was trying to make this detailed so that it'd be easier...)
OH. If it helps anything as well, I practically never remember my dreams (though I wake up feeling tired, as if I hadn't slept. That, and disturbed.) When I do, they're just... creepy. (I'm starting to think I dream this way, even when I can't remember it. But they're just plain disturbing.)