Aa
Death is coming
I really believe I will die soon and I can't stop the outcome. It just feels like the cycle of hopelessness doesn't stop coming my way! Does anyone else feel like this at times?
...so much insight, and compassion have been shared here! How wonderful, and how rare?
I'm so moved by the open, honest caring that's been shared here... and I'm eaves dropping, I haven't even been part of the post, and I've been uplifted!
Maybe I should start my own topic... we'll see...
I appreciate the acknowledgement and encouragement offered here, and the friendly funny or heartfelt banter; you're all so cute! And how nice to be honest and lighthearted. It's so refreshing... and so is hearing the truth!
I struggle with not changing med's, or possibly with 'not taking the ones I have'...
Have become resistant to taking antidepressant since my zoloft quit working several years ago. I went through some trials with different med's and admittedly may not have tried ~ one at a time ~ for a long enough period of time... and I just don't want to get back on that particular rollercoaster.
Yet my depression's been pretty constant. Just add one hardship, and blam! I'm on the bottom... dang. And I thought this trip we call mortality was going to ease up as I got older, oh my heck! I'll be older the end of the summer... today even...
I've been trying to convince myself that I've got to ruck up ~ again ~ that it doesn't matter how much I've been through, or any thing else... I've still got to pull my knee socks up, and move forward.
The light at the end of the tunnel really is not a speeding train!
I wish I could find a substitute for my sugar substitute ~ there are so many good alternatives for my alternatives... I must consider what Scott shared!
Thanks for letting me share here ~ Peace & Respect ~ Woshi.
I'm so moved by the open, honest caring that's been shared here... and I'm eaves dropping, I haven't even been part of the post, and I've been uplifted!
Maybe I should start my own topic... we'll see...
I appreciate the acknowledgement and encouragement offered here, and the friendly funny or heartfelt banter; you're all so cute! And how nice to be honest and lighthearted. It's so refreshing... and so is hearing the truth!
I struggle with not changing med's, or possibly with 'not taking the ones I have'...
Have become resistant to taking antidepressant since my zoloft quit working several years ago. I went through some trials with different med's and admittedly may not have tried ~ one at a time ~ for a long enough period of time... and I just don't want to get back on that particular rollercoaster.
Yet my depression's been pretty constant. Just add one hardship, and blam! I'm on the bottom... dang. And I thought this trip we call mortality was going to ease up as I got older, oh my heck! I'll be older the end of the summer... today even...
I've been trying to convince myself that I've got to ruck up ~ again ~ that it doesn't matter how much I've been through, or any thing else... I've still got to pull my knee socks up, and move forward.
The light at the end of the tunnel really is not a speeding train!
I wish I could find a substitute for my sugar substitute ~ there are so many good alternatives for my alternatives... I must consider what Scott shared!
Thanks for letting me share here ~ Peace & Respect ~ Woshi.
i went though almost a full year of fealing like this when i was in 7th grade for some reason i just thought i was dieing it was really weird i eventually got over it though
I have experienced all these symptoms on some levels. I can say that all can be helped to some degree through a new diet. All functioning of the organs manifests as how we experience life. The liver is responsible for oppression, depression, tightness in every sphere. The lungs play a role in depression as do the kidneys. When the organs are open and full of energy (Qi/chi), a person feels great. When there is blockage or deficiency, symptoms arise. We are a FUNCTION of the body. So, give the bidy different fuel, and every function is then DIFFERENT. In short, cut out all animal products .. meats, cheeses. Then cut out processed foods, sugars, and all dairy. Month after month, a person begins to feel better. One may choose to believe this or not, but the facts remain. Try it for a year and then a person may pass judgement. Look to macrobiotic cooking for the beginning of developing knowledge along these lines. -Scott
I don't think a day goes by that I don't think I'm going to die, just drop dead. It is an awful way to feel. I've had myself in the grave so often just based on my own fears of dying. You mentioned, "cycle of hopelessness" which really hit home for me. From previous posts and comments, I understand you are ill and that disease is something that would make most people, if they were honest, experience hopelessness and fear of dying.
A little while ago, I was convinced I was going to die because I saw a mark on my arm that wasn't there before. For some reason, this particular time, I was extremely tired and in the middle of preparing to drop deal I mentally said, "F---- this. I'll wait and die later" (sorry about the language). Then I went back to bed. I'm not suggesting that you do this but I do believe that somewhere in our souls - really, really deep in our souls, we know when the time to pass on has come. But that doesn't stop the pain, does it? Do you have a support system, a therapist or somebody you can talk to about this? This forum is a good place to get support, advice and even practical help but maybe you need more.
Regarding your teenagers, I doubt it is anything you did. It sounds like there are a number of not so great things going on and it is effecting them. Mothers always seem to blame themselves, part of this society I guess but there are other things going on in your childrens' lives. Some of what you describe, the falling in grades, seems to be a reasonable response to what they have gone through. Maybe they have to work through a few things and then their grades will be better. Your daughter fighting with someone who was picking on her - there are a lot more bullies than there used to be. Is the peson she was fighting with going to court too? I know if someone did that to my kids, who are now young adults, I likely would have wanted to go after the bully myself and would have ended up in jail. It is incredible that your daughter put up with all this before she cracked.
I too am divorced and have been for years. My kids never knew their father because he just walked out after the youngest was born. Two of them went through a phase of romanticizing what their father was like and how it must have been my fault that he left (he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic). Possibly your kids blame themselves for the divorce, kids often do even if one of the parents was abusive. Feeling are seldom rational.
I don't think you can "make" your children happy. They are going through a process of grief, anger and confusion. When they have dealt with that and have begun to heal, they'll be happy again. They are probably concerned about you too. All you can do is keep letting them know you love them unconditionally AND look after yourself. If you are feeling better, it will help them feel better. At the risk of sounding intrusive, do they get counselling? Mothers can't do anything.
Your post really touched my spirit - made me cry actually. You seem like a strong, caring person who is going through a difficult time. It's a process and in time you'll all get through it.
Hugs and lots of good thoughts ....
lonewolf
A little while ago, I was convinced I was going to die because I saw a mark on my arm that wasn't there before. For some reason, this particular time, I was extremely tired and in the middle of preparing to drop deal I mentally said, "F---- this. I'll wait and die later" (sorry about the language). Then I went back to bed. I'm not suggesting that you do this but I do believe that somewhere in our souls - really, really deep in our souls, we know when the time to pass on has come. But that doesn't stop the pain, does it? Do you have a support system, a therapist or somebody you can talk to about this? This forum is a good place to get support, advice and even practical help but maybe you need more.
Regarding your teenagers, I doubt it is anything you did. It sounds like there are a number of not so great things going on and it is effecting them. Mothers always seem to blame themselves, part of this society I guess but there are other things going on in your childrens' lives. Some of what you describe, the falling in grades, seems to be a reasonable response to what they have gone through. Maybe they have to work through a few things and then their grades will be better. Your daughter fighting with someone who was picking on her - there are a lot more bullies than there used to be. Is the peson she was fighting with going to court too? I know if someone did that to my kids, who are now young adults, I likely would have wanted to go after the bully myself and would have ended up in jail. It is incredible that your daughter put up with all this before she cracked.
I too am divorced and have been for years. My kids never knew their father because he just walked out after the youngest was born. Two of them went through a phase of romanticizing what their father was like and how it must have been my fault that he left (he was a compulsive gambler and alcoholic). Possibly your kids blame themselves for the divorce, kids often do even if one of the parents was abusive. Feeling are seldom rational.
I don't think you can "make" your children happy. They are going through a process of grief, anger and confusion. When they have dealt with that and have begun to heal, they'll be happy again. They are probably concerned about you too. All you can do is keep letting them know you love them unconditionally AND look after yourself. If you are feeling better, it will help them feel better. At the risk of sounding intrusive, do they get counselling? Mothers can't do anything.
Your post really touched my spirit - made me cry actually. You seem like a strong, caring person who is going through a difficult time. It's a process and in time you'll all get through it.
Hugs and lots of good thoughts ....
lonewolf
Doll (you must forgive me, I picked that up in New York), I haven't done a thing except make some observations. It's you who were okay in the first place, nothing to thank me for. Why do people do that, any way? About 430 times a day, when I tell my girlfriend how devastatingly beautiful she is, she says "thank you" and I reply "Why are you thanking me? I'm not your mother." Why thank someone because you're beautiful?
Sleep well.. I guess I'll go in and read for a while.
Everyone have a great night and weekend! Thanks to all of you for being so far out.
Sleep well.. I guess I'll go in and read for a while.
Everyone have a great night and weekend! Thanks to all of you for being so far out.
With woderful spelling skills and $4.00, you can get a gallon of gas.
woderful = wonderful
Hi, nancygrace! Sure is good to see you! Are things going better for you? I'm staying up late tonight (off night for sleep aids) but Hildy says if you guys all chip in and pay her she'll make me hit the hay.
woderful = wonderful
Hi, nancygrace! Sure is good to see you! Are things going better for you? I'm staying up late tonight (off night for sleep aids) but Hildy says if you guys all chip in and pay her she'll make me hit the hay.
wow...i smiled...i want you to know u have made me feel better! You make me see im not doing as bad as I was seening it at first, ty
What's ocd?
Whatever it is, consider this: being hard on yourself when you've done nothing wrong isn't perfect. So as a perfectionist, realize that and don't be so hard on yourself. Howzzat for logic?
Whatever it is, consider this: being hard on yourself when you've done nothing wrong isn't perfect. So as a perfectionist, realize that and don't be so hard on yourself. Howzzat for logic?
Elizabethe = Elizabeth
mu = my
I'm sorry, my keyboard is defective. It has a loose nut behind it.
mu = my
I'm sorry, my keyboard is defective. It has a loose nut behind it.
Thanks you..........i have ocd, and i am a pefectionist so when life seems to fall, i slam down hard and it hurts.
Hildy actually did have it twice. They didn't call her terminal the second time, but sure did some serious cutting on her. It was after that, though, that she forgot about expecting to die soon.
Not fer nothin' or nothin' and it's well known that I know very little, but in my experience most of the daughters I've heard about have had some sort of things going on, often including bad grades, around that age. Didn't you? I think it has to do with discovering boys. I do remember when I was fourteen there was this girl Elizabethe whose grades definitely dropped. Well, in Anatomy they may have improved, but sure dropped in everything else!
Your daughter that got into a fight because someone picked on her for a year.. mu wife would have been so angry had that been one of our girls. Not for getting into the fight, but for waiting a year to do so.
I wonder what makes you think you did anything wrong?
Children are seldom happy about divorce, but in the long run I think staying with an abusive man is about the silliest thing a lady can do, and certainly harmful to herself and any children. Was the dude abusive to the children as well?
Are you sure you're not beating yourself up just because you had to face up to a hard reality and do the right thing? From what you wrote above I sure don't see where you need to feel you've "done wrong". It's not because of a mother (or father) having done anything wrong that many teenagers tend to be immature, and/or react to things in unjustified ways... aren't there things called "hormones" that come into play?
Not fer nothin' or nothin' and it's well known that I know very little, but in my experience most of the daughters I've heard about have had some sort of things going on, often including bad grades, around that age. Didn't you? I think it has to do with discovering boys. I do remember when I was fourteen there was this girl Elizabethe whose grades definitely dropped. Well, in Anatomy they may have improved, but sure dropped in everything else!
Your daughter that got into a fight because someone picked on her for a year.. mu wife would have been so angry had that been one of our girls. Not for getting into the fight, but for waiting a year to do so.
I wonder what makes you think you did anything wrong?
Children are seldom happy about divorce, but in the long run I think staying with an abusive man is about the silliest thing a lady can do, and certainly harmful to herself and any children. Was the dude abusive to the children as well?
Are you sure you're not beating yourself up just because you had to face up to a hard reality and do the right thing? From what you wrote above I sure don't see where you need to feel you've "done wrong". It's not because of a mother (or father) having done anything wrong that many teenagers tend to be immature, and/or react to things in unjustified ways... aren't there things called "hormones" that come into play?
What a sensitive and encouragine response, especially about the mirror and about how when it finally came, she overcame it.
I am hopeful that cindysin will find meaning in how you have responded.
I am hopeful that cindysin will find meaning in how you have responded.
Well i have had caner before..i feel i have it again.....
i have two teenagers, and they are both falling apart i donno what i did wrong. my 13 year old is falling in grades, and my daughter just got in a fight at school cause some girl picked on her all year long...she finally snapped and now shes going to court over it. im just lost on how to make them happy. I feel i cant make my kids happy anymore, sense my diovrce they are unhappy, but there dad was abusive i had to let him go i had to.
It sure is, but it's the only world we can count on. The bad things happening around you, are they controllable? The hole of pain, is it physical pain you're speaking of? One thing's for one hundred percent absolute sure, if you have kids that depend on you you've got to be here to take care of them, so it's not time. Where's your old man? Who would take care of your kids if you weren't here?
I have a wonderful girlfriend who felt so much as you're describing.. the people around her had her convinced she was a "loser". Now she's the head of the family, and everyone's in better shape. Some folks who don't know any better said all she needed was someone like me who believed in her, but of course that's silly. All she needed was a mirror, which I provided.
The illness you feel you have.. one thing about my wife, who is tough as nails and has been officially diagnosed as terminal before (but obviously wasn't), is that when younger she was always sure she had some terrible illness or another. Not any longer, though, especially since she kicked cancer's hiney. But what really cured her was just simply time. I wish I could say the illness never showed up, but it did.. after about 20 years of expecting it. And even then she did defeat it.
Might you be able to say any more about those bad things happening that keep happening?
I have a wonderful girlfriend who felt so much as you're describing.. the people around her had her convinced she was a "loser". Now she's the head of the family, and everyone's in better shape. Some folks who don't know any better said all she needed was someone like me who believed in her, but of course that's silly. All she needed was a mirror, which I provided.
The illness you feel you have.. one thing about my wife, who is tough as nails and has been officially diagnosed as terminal before (but obviously wasn't), is that when younger she was always sure she had some terrible illness or another. Not any longer, though, especially since she kicked cancer's hiney. But what really cured her was just simply time. I wish I could say the illness never showed up, but it did.. after about 20 years of expecting it. And even then she did defeat it.
Might you be able to say any more about those bad things happening that keep happening?
"Cycle of Hoplessness" Well its cause everytime i think i have crawled out of my hole of pain and bad things happening around me more happeneds over and over, i just cant make it anymore.....its like Hopeless...i feel i have a illness and i will die soon, and its almost like inside i believe its time, but i dont want too cause of my kids, i want be here to save them from anything bad happening....this world is a scarey place.
I just feel death is coming my way, like....i kinda need it too, and at same time i feel so ill latley i just feel it...very hard to express
Yes.
Does it make you afraid? I was never too worried about it, but it led me to make a lot of decisions that weren't good in the long run. Of course, I didn't expect to be here for the long run. Turned out to be wrong, though.
"Cycle of hopelessness" is such an interesting expression. Have you anything going on that induces you to use the term "hopeless", or is this like just out of the clear blue sky with no rationale behind it?
Does it make you afraid? I was never too worried about it, but it led me to make a lot of decisions that weren't good in the long run. Of course, I didn't expect to be here for the long run. Turned out to be wrong, though.
"Cycle of hopelessness" is such an interesting expression. Have you anything going on that induces you to use the term "hopeless", or is this like just out of the clear blue sky with no rationale behind it?
Exactly what is it that makes you feel as if you will soon die?
Do you mean that your worried you may have some horrible accident, get sick, or hurt yourself?
Do you mean that your worried you may have some horrible accident, get sick, or hurt yourself?
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