I just want to feel happy again. What am I doing wrong?

[mcman117]

Here's the deal, there's this guy who's my friend that I met a few months ago in college. We've always gotten along well and hung out a lot. However, gradually he's seem to gotten more and more annoyed or bothered by me. The only time he talks to me is when I ask a question and his answer is always short and to the point. The only time he genuinely seems to like to be in my company is when we drink and he can laugh at me. I just feel like I immensely annoy him or something since he never seems to want to talk to me or just always seems so disinterested in what I have to say. I've confronted him about it but he told me to stop being a b***ch/woman. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I have no idea what to do anymore. I've considered him a best friend for a while but it seems he sees me as nothing more than a person he happens to know. I've been in a rampant state of depression for the last few weeks as it has only gotten worse, and I'm honestly worried for my health at this point. I just want him to be my friend and treat me like he does all his other friends. Sometimes I get dizzy and headaches from feeling so upset. It's come down to the point where I'm drinking a lot more often than I use to with friends not because I want to but just so I will feel better. I just want to feel happy again and feel like he's my friend. Am I overreacting? I just want to feel better again.

[sara12345]

SpecialMom gave you very kind advice. You definitely have a problem wanting to be friends with someone who is abusive.  You badly need therapy to get at the root of your problem or you will just find someone else who abuses you.  Please see a therapist.  Most colleges have them at very reduced costs or no cost at all.  Good luck to you.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, here is the thing.  We can't make someone be our friend.  he's not treating you well.  Whether he once did or not, he's not now and hasn't for a while.  And if you get up the nerve to let him know how you feel (which is hurt)--  he gives you a shut down, derogatory comment back.  I just don't think he is interested in being a friend other than a bump into you kind of friend.

Within friendship ---  there is often a balance.  When someone is too needy or wants the friendship more or values it more, it can fall apart.  I try to tell this to my son who is often the one so longing for the friendship while the other person can take it or leave it.  It makes me sad for my son and it makes me sad for you.  

I told him instead to look around for OTHER people that NEED friends.  You need to make some new friends.  

If someone makes us feel bad routinely, we aren't supposed to want to hang out with them.  That you still do has me concerned.  You are not overreacting to be hurt but you can't change this.  It's done.  Just move on.  and maybe when you are less interested in him and the balance is restored to the friendship (as in you are equal in it)---  he may get friendlier again.  

do not use alcohol as your band aid.  That is dangerous and leads to alcohol abuse.  And in fact, drinking can turn a lot of people off that otherwise you could be friendly with. A social drink here and there is one thing but getting wasted is self destructive behavior.  Many who are depressed self medicate with substance or alcohol.  Could you be doing this?  Would you be better served to get a therapist and begin treating underlying depression?  

good luck