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20905809 tn?1617666580

I made a positive change in my life, why don't I feel better?

I moved into a new building on March 1st after living in a rooming house for a year, this move was a good move, I'm not living in a hell hole anymore.  I thought this move would help me to feel better but I am still depressed and very tired all the time.  It's like for a whole year all my problems were external as to what was going on in the house.  Now, I am in a good building and my problems are now internal and it seems harder to cope with than coping with the external stuff.  I don't know anyone in the building and I have no friends I talk to regularly.  It seems that people only want to talk to me if I am in a good headspace, as soon as I say that I'm struggling, I get no response.  My phone doesn't ring and I just broke up with my ex who I had a 24 year relationship which I didn't know was abusive towards me. I didn't recognize the emotional abuse for what it was.  I would normally talk to him 2-3 times daily. Now, there is no one.  I don't know if this is part of the depression as I have been in it for 2 years now. My meds have been changed again and again.  Guess I'm feeling qiute hopeless right now.
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973741 tn?1342342773
Ah, my friend.  I'm sad to read you are feeling this way. I think a break up after 24 years and realization that this person we trusted wasn't good to us is going to require a mourning period.  That's sad. You are allowed to feel sad about that.  It sure triggers depression but that is a true trigger.  Loss hurts.  And feeling lonely is hard.  What about baby step goals? It's so hard, and you know I know this from discussions we've had, that it is so hard to take action when depressed. But what if.  What if you had one goal a day to connect in some way.  In person.  Online.  Through volunteering.  Etc.  Is the vaccine very big up in Canada?  I just had my first dose of covid vaccine.  My second in three weeks will happen.  That gives me more freedom!  I can wear my mask and distance but will be less afraid to go 'out'.   They are doing virtual support meetings here.  Nothing like that there?  I know it is not the same but I think we are 'close' to being able to gather again.  You will get through this.  You are a strong and lovely lady.  hugs
Helpful - 0
Thank you specialmom, I am waiting on getting my vaccine, just when we get some, they all go so fast. Canada is having a hard time getting them in for some reason.  The only virtual meetings I know about are the OCD groups I used to attend.  Yes, this break up is really hard and I had to leave my kitty behind with him.  I think I miss her more than I miss my now ex-boyfriend.  It's still really hard going from talking to someone 2-3x a day to talking to no one.  I have friends and family on FB, but only one of them will chat with me on messenger which is really hard for her because she is dealing with health issues and a 10 year old son with special needs.  I don't really set goals because I am afraid that if I don't meet those goals, that just reinforces the failure in me which I was constantly called all through my childhood.  I am more of an impulsive get things done person.  I am starting to get back into my adult coloring though, once I can easily do that, I will try to get back into my reading, hugs back
Avatar universal
This is what depression is.  Although external factors can make our lives a lot worse, it's always internal factors that determine our normal mood, all other things being equal.  Very few people like hearing about someone else's problems, that's usually reserved for only the best and most loyal friends and family.  While some people are very empathetic, most really don't want a casual acquaintance complaining to them.  This isn't nice or fair, but it is life.  The only way you will ever fix your depression is through therapy.  Meds might make you feel better, but they won't ever cure the problem.  Making friends is really hard for many of us, and especially for those of us who suffer from mental illness.  Again, this isn't nice or fair, but it is true.  Breakups are also really really hard to recover from, and take time even if you were the one who left.  We get really used to that person, and your relationship lasted a long time.  Do you have any things you like to do that involve other people?  Do you work?  Do you have friends or family?  Anything to get you out of this pattern you've fallen into of thinking all the time about how lousy you feel?  Those of us on here get it, but most others don't, and we all have to live in their world.  Maybe a support group exists in your area.  But a good therapist is a good place to start.
Helpful - 0
Thank you Paxiled, I am seeing a therapist but I only have one more session with her then she is going on Maternal leave.  I will be starting with a new therapist from the same place.  My therapy is only a 2 year program because the demand for them is so high.  This place have only therapists who specialize in child sexual abuse, but the whole first year was dealing with what my housing situation was.  Friends are really hard. I only have 2 who say I can talk to them when I need to, but then they don't want to hear what I am trying to get through, otherwise, I don't talk to casual people about what is going on with me.  I don't go from person to person trying to find someone to just listen and support me,  I basically don't talk about myself in general to anyone.  I know just how much life is not fair, I have been through trauma after trauma.  We have no support groups running right now because of covid.  We have been in code red since before Christmas.  No, I don't work, I have been on disability since age 18, I'm 54 now, my mental health issues have kept me from seeking out work. I have volunteered, but have been unable for long periods of time.  my family, I only have contact through FB, and there is only 1 sister I could talk to, she lives in Alberta.  My other 3 sisters and my brother live in BC and I have not seen them since age 18, so even though we are family, we are estranged from each other.  Both my parents have passed.  I also see a psychiatrist on a regular basis, but they are just check-ins and don't last very long.
Just so you know, I get it.  I moved across the US for a job and then got agoraphobia.  That was pretty much the end of all of my long-term relationships with family and friends, it was out of sight, out of mind.  I did, however, keep working and doing the things I liked that I could still do and meditated and it was only a rare reaction to stopping a med that ended it for me.  If that hadn't happened, I'd still be finding things I like to do despite a smaller world.  So life doesn't have to be all gloom.  And Mom has wise words below, you will soon be able to be vaccinated and open things up more.  Like Mom I've had my first shot and am awaiting my 2d.  Just gotta do what we can.  Peace to you.
Thank you, you can read my response to specialmom's comment  below, peace to you as well

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