Ah, my friend. I'm sad to read you are feeling this way. I think a break up after 24 years and realization that this person we trusted wasn't good to us is going to require a mourning period. That's sad. You are allowed to feel sad about that. It sure triggers depression but that is a true trigger. Loss hurts. And feeling lonely is hard. What about baby step goals? It's so hard, and you know I know this from discussions we've had, that it is so hard to take action when depressed. But what if. What if you had one goal a day to connect in some way. In person. Online. Through volunteering. Etc. Is the vaccine very big up in Canada? I just had my first dose of covid vaccine. My second in three weeks will happen. That gives me more freedom! I can wear my mask and distance but will be less afraid to go 'out'. They are doing virtual support meetings here. Nothing like that there? I know it is not the same but I think we are 'close' to being able to gather again. You will get through this. You are a strong and lovely lady. hugs
This is what depression is. Although external factors can make our lives a lot worse, it's always internal factors that determine our normal mood, all other things being equal. Very few people like hearing about someone else's problems, that's usually reserved for only the best and most loyal friends and family. While some people are very empathetic, most really don't want a casual acquaintance complaining to them. This isn't nice or fair, but it is life. The only way you will ever fix your depression is through therapy. Meds might make you feel better, but they won't ever cure the problem. Making friends is really hard for many of us, and especially for those of us who suffer from mental illness. Again, this isn't nice or fair, but it is true. Breakups are also really really hard to recover from, and take time even if you were the one who left. We get really used to that person, and your relationship lasted a long time. Do you have any things you like to do that involve other people? Do you work? Do you have friends or family? Anything to get you out of this pattern you've fallen into of thinking all the time about how lousy you feel? Those of us on here get it, but most others don't, and we all have to live in their world. Maybe a support group exists in your area. But a good therapist is a good place to start.