I really do want to die.

[lynnsee]

but I'm to scared to commit suicide. I just dont wanna live anymore. at all. I'm tired off feeling like I'm not good enough, like I'm not worthy. like all I do is fail. I just dont wanna feel anything anymore.

[lynnsee]

yea I hope you're right. but in the moment, everything just ***** and seems like it will always be this way.

[Guarneri3]

I have been in your position many times. Today i get depressed amd want to die snd i cant or wont do it amd i will tell u y. I was 16 when i did attempt suicide.  My father was a tyrant and if i had prob that i needed him for he would go nuts and told me dont bring your prob to his house. He got angry if i did. For example my sis had drug prob and he ignored it bc he wasnt gonna help. After my suicide attempt he was angry blamimg my sis amd  he nvr talked or mentioned it and i  am 43 yrs old now. Mom was mad too but mostly bc of him. So it didnt help me but made it worse and if i attempt and i live my life would be worse than ever. Somehow i get thru episodes of depression now. You will too amd remember maybe not today or tom but life is
Wait on you bc there is something amazing that willl one day change all this

[lynnsee]

yea I take 50mg of Zoloft. I feel worse today. I just don't even wanna breath.

[Lucien2014]

Are you taking anything? I went to Dr. Today to find my meds stopped working, to be given something different.  I just feel worthless, tired, no excitement in my mind. Nothing to be depressed about, as Dr. Explained I am "old school" in my way of thinking.  It's just like a gall bladder issue, needs medicine. Hope you are better today.

[lynnsee]

idk I'm not feeling so positive anymore.

[Ekkematters]

This is great to hear.  You sound much more positive........With regards to plan for your life................ I made a collage in a book of what I wanted to achieve one day.......... at that stage it was way out of my reach.............. The stuck the book in a closet and completely forgot aboout it.............. At the Age of 40 I started to study for B.Compt accounting and completed it at the age of 46.................  After that I cleaned out the closet and discovered the book again................. Guest what?  It was all in there...............

[lynnsee]

thank you for that. through everything. as crumby as I feel pretty much all the time. I still keep my faith. I know the big guy does everything for a reason and I know he has an amazing plan for me. I'm trying really hard to not let the bad get me down. it's just been hard lately. but thank you so much. we will get through this. message me anytime if you wanna talk.

[Ekkematters]

Hi Lynsee
I know how you are feeling but please this is not the way to go…… It is almost a feeling in your gut……… I have learned that one cannot make decisions when you are in a serious  emotional situation…….. it is always the wrong decision,………………. And I have made 4 years ago a wrong decision and I am paying the price every single day emotionally……………….. But like this weekend I had a shower, sobbing and washed myself, forgive myself and spiritually pull out from my gut the hurt , anxiety, etc …………. And gave it to God (regardless of religion)…….. and pulled from my back all the poisonous arrows the people who hate me intensely and want to destroy me and gave it to God……………………. As I am not capable of handling it myself…………… Come on lets fight this together………….I’m lifted up by writing this to you……………… Lift your head up and look into the horizon……………………. Do not look down and be satisfied with the crumbs on the ground like a chicken, because you will never know whether you are a chicken or an eagle……………………….. Look into the sky high up into the mountains and fly…. So no I am waiting for your uplifting message.  

[lynnsee]

it's a lot of things.

[Ekkematters]

Hi Lynsee. I know that deep innerfeeling but it is not the way to go. Why do you feel this way? Are you sick, unemployed, or othrr circumstances?

[nursegirl6572]

You know what you need to do, you have to get help.  You've been chasing your tail through the anxiety, the depression, and the relationship issues for so long now, and as you can see, without being proactive and doing something about all of the above, of course you're going to feel bad hon.

PLEASE start helping yourself.  As I mentioned in the anxiety forum, just taking a medication isn't enough...that goes for depression as well.  Please get yourself in to see a mental health professional, and soon.  Obviously, if you continue to have these suicidal thoughts, you should seek help right away.  This is nothing that cannot be managed, you just haven't done all of the "work" yet for that to happen, plain and simple.

Please let us know how you're doing!

[CicadaSunset]

Hi Lynnsee,
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so depressed. I've been suicidal myself and its a horrible state to be in. Have you sought help or told anyone close to you how you are feeling? Its really important that you ask for help in dealing with this form a health professional like your doctor. Please don't give up, things can get better with help. You can't do it all by yourself right now, I'm glad you came and posted here - it tells me that at least a small part of you wants to live. Please listen to that small voice and don't give in to the urge to self destruct. Its important to tell somebody that you are at the point where you feel suicidal.