I am also feeling suicidal again and I know how hard it is. The only thing I can really offer you is a friend. You can message me if you need someone to talk to, I have no friends anymore so I know what its like to have no one to turn to. Please don't hesitate,i understand depression all too well. Stay strong.
I am so sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. Being alone for the holidays is not a good thing, or are you pleased about that? I know when I was really low I didn't want to be with anyone at Christmas.
Take it all slowly. You can't do things all at once. Look after yourself. You don't have to come off the pain medication when you are feeling so low. Leave it until you are feeling a bit better. One step at a time. You are doing well. Be proud of yourself.
Keep posting here. You are not alone. Try to keep positive, and keep reminding yourself how well you are doing so far.