When do I die?

[Evan_the_elder1]

I am 64. I have had depression problems for decades. I have recently found another drug that helps a great deal. However, I still have severe problems. The reason is that I should long since be dead. I have at least 4 diseases that should have already caused my death. These include Hep C for 45 years, 2 hemorrhagic strokes in the last two years, a serious immune system problem that should have caused cancer long ago and a very rare and serious type of apnea that has cause a great deal of long term brain damage. None of these problems are treatable for me and all should have killed me long ago. Now, after the two strokes I most certainly should be dead but all I have is a minor problem with aphasic agnosia.

It is virtually certain that I will have another stroke in the near future and there is a 90% chance it will kill me soon. However, there is no certainly at all. I live in a remote area with no access to medical specialists that could do any meaningful testing or examinations. MRI is not available except an 8 hour drive from here and the wait time is over a year. I have no way to tell what my chance of death is in the near future or perhaps in a longer time (unlikely but unknown). How the heck should I deal with this? I know I will die earlier than I should but that could be tommorow or it could be several years or more. This is driving me into a hole that I have a very hard time dealing with. It is not ordinary depression that I have had from my bipolar type 2 but something different over which I do not have control, drugs or not. I have been married for 43 years and it is driving the both of us crazy. I hate the thought of leaving her alone.  How do deal with this? Is there a way?

[Evan_the_elder1]

There is one thing that people have to watch out for about me. I am a top of the test score Asperger's type. That means I fairly often will talk (or write) about things in a very straight and purely factual way. It has taken me all my life to learn how to speak in a way that the majority of the population considers to be friendly and not totally an unpleasant antisocial butthead.

Asperger types very rarely lie about anything and will talk and explain things without any consideration for the feelings of others. It never occurs to them that people have feelings that might be offended, even if what they say is absolutely correct.

I'm not too bad on that front any more but not always. Being an Aspie is something that never goes away.  

[remar]

I'm so glad you found this site. I've been a member here for years and the people here are truly wonderful. Very supportive and caring.
It does make you feel better when you can help other people. If you have medical knowledge I know there will be so many people you can help.Check out all the other forums here. There are always people needing advice about different things.

[Evan_the_elder1]

I thank you all for your thoughts and assistance. I have been thinking a lot about what you have said. I am feeling better about my situation and have made some decisions that my wife approves. This is a good site and I will look around to see if there is anybody I can help. While I am not a doctor I have a lot of medical knowledge as I have been studying medicine since I was young. I know all the big words and have gigabytes worth of top medical journal studies. I have read them all. Since I am not a doctor I can give some medical explanations including the statement to See Your Doctor when a medical question comes up.

I did enough university work to qualify for a masters degree (over 200 semester credits) but never got around to actually getting the piece of paper that says so. That was because we moved to a remote area and I could not afford to spend the extra year away from home. My employer didn't care about the paper, they knew how much education I have.

The aeolian harp is a very cool device. It makes the most incredible sounds in wind, rain and snow.

[4Maddie44]

Like remar I wanted to check out your work.  Wow, I cannot believe how much you have done.  I particularly like the idea of an Aelion Harp.  I must admit the other projects are rather beyond me.

[remar]

I'm so glad to hear you still work on your projects. I'm going to check out your pictures if you don't mind.

[nursegirl6572]

Selecting a best answer isn't required.  I agree that a lot of times it would be hard to choose, as all the answers are good!

How are you feeling?