cant afford to have depression

[marialou]

i lost my 4 year old daughter 13 years ago and she had a rare syndrome of 15 in the world.my 15 year old daughter has the same syndrome. she has different complications but shes not well.and it fkn hurts so much. i cant come to terms with losing my eldest daughter charley,i cant fulfill mine an my daughters life now because im too scared. i just cant. how do i try to come to terms with the one thing that killed me 13 years ago

[jo929]

I lost a daughter 9 years ago, and it is one of the hardest things to try and get over, you never get over it did  help me, inow have another daughter who lives far away, she has cancer, and is in bad health, i have had a open heart bypass, and i also have a husband who is on oxygen and does not walk, so its a big job to take care of him, i had to quit my job due to health reason, and i miss it so much, i think of my daughter, i think of the good times and try  to go on. work is the best therapy i can recommend, unless you do not need to work, if not donate time, you must stay busy also group therapy may help, i am so sorry that you have these problems and do wish that i could help more there is a colum here that deals with this, but i cant remember the name of it  luck  jo

[marialou]

dear mammo,i truely dont know where to start and especially what to say,i know you have probably heard this so many times,but you are so strong and such an inspiration.
all the things that life has thrown at me iv always deep down believed i was a fighter and eventually got through.but when things got hard i would start to doubt myself. it has always felt like an ongoing battle.one of which iv been unsure id win. im so so sorry for all your heartache and loss you have been through,and still are.you have been through so much its so hard to comprehend. i would love to keep in touch and talk....i thankyou so much for your kind words. im going through something in my life that hurts so much and lives with me every single day and will never go away.but when i read your post to me i broke down and ive never done that, i too felt your pain, i dont know what to say to you right now but i hope we keep in touch and maybe we can help each other. i have also always felt helping others helped me to get through life. i worked in a hospice for people with terminal cancer and would help anyone to get through hard times,whatever the problem may be..maybe it is because weve gone through the worst thing imaginable,and wouldnt wish it on our worst enemy. whatever the reason it keeps us feeling everything happens for a reason and that we cant give up. my daughter is my world.we are so close its like we are one.i feel her pain and her fear.its only been the last two years that she is showing signs of problems i knew would happen but thought it would be years away..and i fell apart.she has gradually worsened and in all that time no one would listen.dr.s,family,and friends.even now really. i couldnt deal with it.to be honest i still cant..but im getting there,and i will.i have to. would love to keep in touch.i send all my best wishes,with love lisa xx

[mammo]

I can truly feel your pain.  I lost my son 10 years ago, and his son, my sweet grandson 8 months ago from the same hereditary disease.  This disease has afflicted 5 of my family members, and only one is survivng, my youngest son.  Losing a child is like no other loss, and I feel that a big part of us goes with them. I have been thru it all, lost any faith in God, and was so angry with him.  Our children should never leave this world before us, it just isn't right.  Two years after losing my son, I almost lost my daughter in a very serious car accident.  She was hit head on by a 16 year old at 85MPH, and the 16 year old was dead at the scene, so sad.  I too, went thru periods of thinking "I can't do this" but you have to.  Your little girl would want you to keep going and keep her memory alive with you, and your 15 year old daughter needs you desperately.  My children and grandkids is what I live for.  I think of what it would do to them if something happened to me, and they don't need or deserve this.  I know you're scared, I've lived my life always waiting for the other shoe to drop, I panic when the phones rings in the evening, it is never ending.  I live in a constant stet of fear, which is lousy.  But I'm here to help my kids, and grandkids and this is priceless.  Your daughter is terrified too, and she needs to draw courage from you!  She can sense your fear, and it will make her very fearful, which she doesn't need at this time.  She needs hope, and only "mom" can give her this.  I know it hurts, but you've got to keep going for all you love and who love you.  You never get over the loss of a child, I'm not sure what we do, but we must keep going.  I would love to talk to you more about this, as we have so much in common.  Know you are not alone. I visit and write to children, who are dying, and their parents.  It is shocking to hear of all the people who have lost children, and if I can offer some support, I feel my losses were not in vain.  My daughter feels I shouldn't do this, but in some crazy way, it helps me.  I miss my son so much, and it does fkn hurt like hell.  The last time I spoke with my grandson, he called and was really sad, missing his dad.  He said "I just wish he were here to toss a football with me", not asking much at all.  We talked for about 40 minutes making plans to go Christmas shopping the following week.  His last words to me were "I love you grandma", I replied "I love you too sweetie".  We never got to go Christmas shopping, he died 3 days later.  My sweet grandson gone.  His younger brother still cannot sleep in the bedroom they shared, and his sobbing at night wakes his mom.  His big brother's and his dad's ashes sit side by side in their living room, and he knows he may be facing the same.  I have continued to email my deceased grandson on his Facebook page every day.  I know it's crazy, but I can see his face and hope that he somehow hears my words.  When I finally said good-bye, I wrote "heads up sweetie, you're dad just threw the ball".  These boys made me feel like a part of my son was still with me, and when I lost one, any grip I had on my son slipped away, and it was like losing him all over again, along with his son who he loved dearly.  I can only hope that they are together, but even more I would like to believe they have been reincarnated.  I want to believe they were re-born into healthy bodies, surrounded with lots of love, happiness, and a future to look forward to, something they never had before.  You can do this, if not for you, for BOTH your daughters, preferably all 3 of you.  Please write, and let's talk.