It can't just be depression

[Kayannaboo]

I have a friend who came to me with these issues. What I am about to list are based on what she told me plus what I have observed for myself. If you have any idea what this is please let me know:

Sometimes she is normal, she is a sweethart, laughing and happy and cares for others around her, no matter how undeserving they are and then:

1. She gets b itchy, bratty and start giving everyone an attitude for no reason
2. She gets angry for the slightest things
3. She just gets sad, no reason
4. She hates being alone HATES IT
5. She needs to be number 1 on everyone's priority list or she gets really angry or upset.
6. She makes crazy demands on people and expects everyone to always be doing something for her
7. She yells and screams and says the rudest things when she is arguing
8. She cries at the drop of a hat
9. She cuts, even when nothing is wrong
10. She puts down herself and is easily put down
11. She takes correction as negative criticism and gets mad
12. She is extremely needy and clingy and cannot leave a person to themselves
13. She is not particularly fond of people being too nice to her, she shuns them
14. She is obsessed with others who treats her less than she deserves, but gets mad when they do
15. She tries to please those who treat her less and is obsessed with making them happy
16. She LIES but not about simple things, she ***** at lying about simple things but great at lying about BIG things(such as: being in relationships when she is not, being pregnant when she is not, getting raped when she did not -- she goes to great lengths to cover her tracks too).
17. She hates being the center of attention among people she does not know but NEEDS to be the most important thing in her friends' lives).

Do you have any ideas? I am stuck.

[nursegirl6572]

Well, it's good that she was at least receptive to the idea of therapy.  That's a good sign.

Someone like that, who is needy and clingy, make having a friendship with them very hard, because of the reasons you mentioned...you can't spend every waking moment with her, or consoling her, nor can you be her mother, protector or keeper.  Plus, friendships like this are very difficult to maintain, because they are usually very one sided...meaning, you are always there for her, but probably get very little support from her when YOU need it, and friendships have to have give and take to work.

I hope for her sake she gets some help, because if not, she really stands to lose people like you in her life.  I commend you for sticking by her, but don't do it to the extent where she is causing YOU unneeded stress in your own life.  You may have to be brutally honest with her, whether she likes it or not.  Explain to her that friendships are a two-way street and with her, it's always "all about her", which leaves you feeling like her mother rather than a friend, and also leaves you without her support when you need it, which is really important to you.  Sometimes the truth hurts, hopefully she values your friendship enough to not be defensive and really listen to what you have to say.

Best of luck sweetie!

[RainLover71]

1.Not good 2.Plenty of people like that around 3.depressed maybe 4.Needs friends 5.The diamond in the rough 6.it's all about her 7.No respect 8.emotional 9.sad 10.sad again 11.childish 12.reaching out maybe 13.confused 14.pass 15.attention seeking 16.very bad 17.Typical

[Kayannaboo]

Thanks for the response. Its HARD, really hard to be around her sometimes, almost unbearable. Like I said, she can be the sweetest person ever but when she gets moody and miserable, its a death sentence to the rest of us. I am so not perfect and struggle with my own depression and other issues and so I just wish her well you know? But sometimes the drama of my life makes me want to run away and then having to deal with this sort of thing with her, makes it a hell of a lot worse. I constantly feel like her baby sitter or her mother and I don't like the feeling. Plus I have a kid, so my friendship with her can't be at the top of my list.

I will recommend therapy for her. I have spoken to her about it a few times and she has been receptive for the most part. She is always defensive about something and play the victim alot but I am patient with her because I believe something is wrong with her and she can't help it.


Thanks for the hugs, I needed that!


Anna