Is this normal? What should I do?

[patricia0923]

I'm a college student right now, sophomore. I used to be so enthusiastic and looked forward to going to school (back in my freshman and early sophomore years). This term, for reasons I don't know, i am not as motivated as i was before. If i had the chance i'd rather cut class, but i know it's wrong and that my parents pay so much for my good education. It's not that i'm doing bad this term, but i did fail a major subject last term and it really made me more pessimistic and lonely especially since i know i'm going to be separated from my few friends if i don't catch up with our flowchart. And i'm not really that sociable so I think i'll find it hard to make friends if ever i don't.

I live alone in my apartment, and it's really quiet here. Sometimes i like the silence, but sometimes it's so deafening  i start having really negative thoughts. I don't plan on hurting myself though, but really sometimes i fall asleep while thinking these bad thoughts and I wake up in the morning feeling really really awful and in turn makes me more unmotivated. I don't really want to tell my family that I think i might have some sort of mild depression since they know I'm just really negative like this, and they think it's normal. They really do their best and they call me every night and during these times i feel happier. After the calls though it becomes quiet again and it all starts coming back.

I have exams this week, currently finished 2 out of five and so far i'm doing well. Tomorrow's one of the subjects i don't really like and i'm just really trying to study to not think of anything bad again, and i think it's working but i also think it's not. The bad thing is just right now, before i started writing this, I started feeling really really tired and weak, and my appetite has gone down and  i only forced myself to eat my food to prepare for the long night ahead. I wish it works or else I might not be able to pass the exam.

Can anyone tell me if this negativity is just part of the normal thought cycle? Or is it some sort of mild depression . And what can I do to lessen the times when i think bad thoughts? I try listening to music but one can only play how many tunes before she gets tired of it as well. I've also tried texting my friends but they're normally busy as well.

[patricia0923]

Wow you don't know how much I think you're such a cool (as in really cool) person right now! And I just passed the point where you said "I too went lethargic  and went from a person who was always showering and looked after my appearance to some one who couldn't be bothered".. thank goodness it didn't last for too long. I stopped being so not bothered because I realized it didn't make me feel any better, and that's not good. One day I just looked at myself in the mirror and said "what am I doing to myself". So I just cut it out, but I do get a bit lazy every now and then.

I've grown up with acne, and stretchmarks and all those.. something so common but somehow most of the people I see in school don't even have the slightest blemish.. I'll admit that it really made me insecure because they could pull off all those pretty dresses that I really liked but I'd always think that things like those will never suit me.. i just wear shirts and jeans that I've had since high school, while occasionally wear something nicer every once in a while (like today and I really liked how I looked).. I'll try to live by your advice, ms tswana! You're really cool!

Maybe it'll take me a while before I get back on my exercise routine with the impossible hectic schedule and all... but knowing that there's an amazing 54 year old person who keeps on doing what she does is a good boost..and i would't want to be kicked on the arse so i think i'll pass on that one!  :D

really thanks a lot! this is the first time I joined forums like these and i never knew it would help so much! thank you everyone! ^^

btw i started writing on a diary last jan26, which I've tried doing before but eventually stopped.. i use it to vent out my thoughts and let go my negative emotions since i can't remember but I read somewhere that said it helps.. i'm still writing now and I think it really does help me! i know that bad things won't really stop happening to a person..and i know that i should learn to accept these and move one and just try to do better.. really thank you very much!

[patricia0923]

I will try harder next time, thanks a lot! I'm really doing my best this term, and so far I'm doing better as compared to last term's. Yes well I do go to sleep right after studying..and I really haven't thought of it that way.. maybe it does affect the way I think! I'll watch a few vids on youtube (since I don't have a TV in my apartment but i think my parents are planning on getting me a small one to help with the quietness..which I think i will really like)

thanks a lot for this quote "You hold the greatest power over your life. Not your parents, not your teachers, you. Please believe in yourself. Believing in your ability makes you that much more likely to succeed." I know it in myself that I should never let other people define who I am, and I hope that slowly I'll be able to think more and more positively! Really thanks a lot! I appreciate your support!

[Tswana]

Hi lovely Girl xxx It may be Hormonal due to your age things kike this will happen out of the blue and often for no reason too. I can remember at 17 you could be ME posting what you have.

I too went lethargic  and went from a person who was alway's showering and looked after my appearance to some one who couldn't be bothered. In the end i left education (sorriest thing i EVER did sweetie) and got a full time job as i really though that was my answer....it wasn't it made life a whole heap tougher and everything felt too much. I was an excellent swimmer  who was now drowning in the shallows of life?

I was just in a void of nothing and going no where except further down. I always enjoyed being active and i wasn't a 'Fanatic'' but i ate a good diet drank plenty of water. I was also a brilliant Athlete and was going to the Olympics but even that i never cared about i just wanted to stay in bed curtains shut.

And started eating junk food and my toned figure my friends admired was now 4 times my normal weight and i had to wear Maternity clothing and everyone was asking ''Aww! boy or girl? Oh! it's due soon looking at you now isn't it? Man!! i also became suicidal. Then i sat an tried to go figure wtf was going on? This person? it wasn't me an ''Alien'' had got in and taken me over? But my Mother had it right ''Its your age and Hormonal changes as your now becoming a Woman''

If that was 'Being a woman'' i didn't want it!! But in the end i decided to get up and get on, it wasn't easy but i made myself do EVERYTHING i didn't or couldn't be bothered doing. I stopped eating junk and also Wheat in any shape or form as i realized i had become a cookie an cake and Sandwich freak and had gotten quickly worse. I also made myself walk EVERY WHERE, this did a few things, it got me up out of be, it was good exercise, my fitness level's and weight gain started getting better.

My mood's slowly started lifting and becoming more stablized. I stopped crying 24/7 as that went on for ages.  My sleep got better and bit by bit my energy levels rose and i began taking an interest in all sorts of things. I moved my bedroom around anything to make it look different. I saw a dress i liked and paid a deposit and as much as i needed each week/month to pay for it i had got a part time job as well. I heard Oprah Winfrey say she used to learn a new word ever day, memorize it and put it in the right place in chats and feel good that she understood it when older who thought they were better people had no clue and SHE explained it perfectly? I also went swimming and doing a LOT more walking stretching so come the day i was going to wear THAT dress. I ididn't care if no one else liked it or said it never looked cool on me.

I liked it, i wanted it, i worked for it in more way's than one and it was how it made me feel and i knew how much more than just buying and putting it on went in to that dress!! And WOW WEE!! Baby! i was a STAR!! :-D I looked girlish and lady like and my eye's shone with my inner happiness.

Along my journey i had learned and done things i never thought of or ever dreamed i'd do, i joined the Library and booked learned my way in to a whole new me better than the original  and i learned a BIG lesson..Gratitude, i had learned to be grateful i could walk, talk, go places. I could walk, i was a Planet of INFINITE POSSIBILITY'S!! I stopped saying 'can't'' and just ''did'' as soon as i thought about something, i stopped putting off and doing.

Your as capable as me or many or even more so of turning your life around darling girl and i'm 54 now but thing's STILL blow me away and if i lived where you are i'd come and hang with you and kick your *** if i had to to make you see we ALL got it going on, we just got to get up and go do it!!

Your a Wonderful being just tell yourself no matter how your feeling ''some thing wonderful is happening to me. Live as if you are the YOU you want to be and it will happen. Once you start to live it then you become ''it'' Be aware of putting your self down and change a negative thought i to a positive though or action. Once you get going you'll wonder what too you so long!! Love Tswana <3 xxx

[LostInTheFog]

You are very lucky to have the opportunity to go to school. That being said, you have to decide for yourself what you're capable of. One bad grade isn't the end of the world. It can make you question your ability to finish, or make you try that much harder next time.

Do you go to sleep right after studying? If so, you should maybe consider watching something on TV after studying but before laying down for sleep. It will help get your mind off of school and possibly help you to fall asleep without bad thoughts.

I understand what you mean about silence being deafening. I don't like quiet either. It allows the bad thoughts and feelings to fill the void. Being alone with your thoughts is not always easy.

You are not alone in the way you feel. You are going to make it through. This is just a hurdle in the way. If you stumble over it, dust yourself off and try again. You hold the greatest power over your life. Not your parents, not your teachers, you. Please believe in yourself. Believing in your ability makes you that much more likely to succeed.

[patricia0923]

In terms of sleep, you can say that it really varies depending on what needs to be done. It fluctuates from having a good 8 hour sleep (which is really rare) to the more common four hours. Sometimes I find it hard to sleep at night which pretty much explains the 4 hour thing. In terms of food, I get to have packed home-cooked food from home that'll suffice one to two days since I live alone in my apartment, for the rest of the week I just tend to buy things from the cafeteria..but I'll admit that there are days when I just don't want to eat and resort to eating sweets instead (I'm not really proud of this). I guess that'll explain my unexpected mood swings throughout the day. Thank you very much for replying! It makes me feel better to know that there are people out there the same as me. I think we have support groups, but I don't really know where they are. These kind of things and situations are not really put into spotlight here

[CRSeaside]

Dear Ryna,  you will get lots of support here. Glad you posted. School is great, but tough too.    After a bunch of failed promises, I put myself thru school. Took 7 years instead of 4, as I needed to raise my 1/2 brother & work & go to school.
  Very astute of you to think about nutrition. When we don't eat right or often enough, it affects the brain.  I'm struggling with low appetite right now too. Make sure to watch sugar consumption.  That is bad for mood.
    You sound healthy. Are you sleeping well?  Do they have support groups in your country?