Anger, Marijuana, Giving up on school, theft

[crisart]

My 17 year old son was diagnosed at 13 and about a year and a half ago he gave up on school started smoking pot andbecame very angry, to the point where if we crossed him or disagreed he would fly of the handle and in some instances even cause damage to the house.
The question is this...he hates any kind of councelling so it is hard to even get him to go and when we get him in the combination of issues requires a vsist to his diabetes specialist, a psychologist and then a drug specialist...never one person with an understanding and ability to help. Any suggestions?

And...does anyone know of a "troubled youth" camp that is versed in teen diabetics, ideally in CA?

HELP

Thanks

[crisart]

Thanks for all the compassion and advise. We are still looking for a camp or even an intervention resource that will accept his insulin dependent diabetes. They tell us it's because of liability concerns. I have hired a professional that has great connections and she has found a couple of camps, but timing of intake was several months away and we want him in a program now. I'll let you know when we find a center.

Thanks again.

[Jonodaigle]

I am vey sympathetic to you cause ... i my self am a 16 year old diabetic... and I find my mood really relies on my blood sugars, and i can become enraged when my sugars are high, but i have never raised my voice, sworn, done drugs, stolen, or broken things before. I think you have the right idea with a troubled youth camp for diabetics, I hope you find one that is suitable... most of those places are tolerable to different medical problems and would be glad to help.

i fell for you and your son.

[B'snat]

I'm looking for the same source as crisart on 04/29. I have searched relentlessly for an appropriate program for my son. Currently a runaway. Most schools that I've contacted won't take an insulin dependent diabetic. I was hoping that the Diabetic sites specifically would be able to guide me. Three days of searching and still nothing.

I believe that this is an area that the support groups seem to forget about or avoid. Please if anyone can ask around to your other resources to see if there is any help for a Troubled Teen who needs help sooner vs later. I hate thinking that he could be high and administer a wrong dosage.

I can be reached at ***@****. Thank you

[JDRF Team SGG]

The previous posting raises a good issue -- moods are indeed affected by high or low glucose levels. So while I don't personally believe that this is the underlying cause for the behavior (as LRS pointed out, there are deeper emotional issues that usually are the cause of anti-social behaviors), I would certainly suggest that you find out what his current a1c level is. If it is higher than 7, then you may find that until it lowers to something remotely resembling good control, his moods may not change for the better. Most parents of type 1 kids can tell by their kids' behavior when their glucose levels are "off".

I agree that this cannot be used as an excuse, for even if we feel "off" we make choices about what boundaries constrain our behavior, and we are responsible for those choices even when we feel bad. So it is never acceptable to damage the house or to express anger in a destructive way. But it should not be overlooked that there is possibly a physical cause for some of the moods. I agree with the first posting that consequences should be clear and consistent for bad behavior. As long as a child or teen lives in your home, you DO hold some power over that person. You can insist that he go with you to counseling, cloaking it as family counseling rather than implying that something is wrong with him meaning that HE is the one with the problem. Car keys and other privileges can be held if he refuses.

[Ky's Mom]

Poor you! I haven't gone through anything like that with a child, but that sounds just like my brother. He was diagnosed at about 13 years of age. When he was 15 it was like he went into denial. Stopped checking his sugars, not eating healthy, not taking his shots. He would walk around being extremely disrespectful to everyone in the house with a very high blood sugar. He did drugs, wrecked stuff, stole (even from my parents). He even got into physical fights with my parents. Eventually they had to kick him out because it was not a healthy environment for any of the younger children. He went to jail for awhile for theft and drug dealing. But now at the age of 21 he is living on his own and takes much better care of himself. Much better to be around, except when his sugars are high he turns into a real *** (but my sister is also diabetic and when her sugars are high she is also extremely crabby).

I hope this didn't scare you at all. I think he is in denial that he needs to take insulin or eat differently from his peers, so he has high blood sugars, which cause disturbing behavior.

This is just my opinion. Good luck.

[JDRF-Team-LRS]

I'm another volunteer here.  I'm the diabetic in my little family, but I do have experience with a troubled-teen who did not respond to typical rewards & negative consequences for behaviors.  She is not diabetic, but we lost months of sleep to worry about her finding little help from police or other agencies.

In our experieence, underlying emotional turmoil was the root cause of her drug & alcohol use, truancy, runaways, and suicide attempts.  Once a person starts in with drugs -- typically to self-medicate their own pain -- professionals are dealing with what they term "dual diagnosis."  In your son's case, there may be at least 3 things going on.

I'd encourage you to find counselors who can work -- not only with him -- but with your entire family along the lines of dual diagnoses.  Drug/alcohol use is one issue and defiant behavior and/or depression (common among diabetics) may be a second area.  Sadly, there are millions of teens in this boar, so I would expect that a state like California will have many resource focused on it.  Since camps for troubled teens have a strong medical staff, I wouldn't be surprised if you found one that you felt confident would work well managing your son's diabetes, too.  Some of these camps are "wilderness, personal challenge" types of camps where the young people experience life in completely different terms than city/suburban life.  Their usual "life skills" are not quite relevant in a forest, and so they learn to collaborate and share and face vulnerability & fear along with several other teens in a relatively safe and "face saving" setting.  

From my view, the emotional side of diabetes (or any chronic illness) is the least-addressed component and until each of us can come to terms with our situation, we simply won't "comply" on a regular basis.  Regardless of the dark days you're enduring and those that may lie ahead, please find the strength to NEVER give up on your son.  I am certain that the family bond is what my stepdaughter eventually grabbed to begin pulling herself out of the abyss.  We represent the hope, the possibiity, that despite it all, there can be stability & contentment ahead.

Good luck.  My heart goes out to you on many levels because I have been in a very similar, frighteningly-powerless situation myself.

[JDRF-Team-gg]

Oh boy...sounds like you are having a really difficult time right now with your son.  I will tell you right off the bat that I am the kind of parent who has high expectations of my kids (22 year old son & 18 year old daughter with diabetes) and I was totally blessed with kids that did not rebel.  I'm not saying that they were not kids and didn't get into kid stuff, but if something did arise that did not sit well with my husband and I, we had very strict and severe consequences for their actions.  Never, never did we use our daughter's diabetes as an excuse for bad behavior.  It's not a good idea nor is it a valid point.  All I can suggest to you is that there has to be something that he values that you are providing him with that could be taken away until his behavior meets your expectations (money, TV, cell phone, car?, MP3 player, video games, etc.).  I'm not so sure if a troubled youth camp is what you should be looking for.  If the drugs are at the root of the problem, maybe you should be checking out rehab clinics that have the proper medical personel to care for his diabetes also. Maybe there's someone in your area that could steer you in the right direction that will post on this site (I'm sorry, but I'm in New York so I wouldn't be of any help with that).  You're never going to find one person that will cover the scope that you need covered.  Everyone nowadays specializes, so the patient really has to take the responsibility to coordinate their visits and put together a personal plan for success.  I hope that you'll consider family counceling and if your son refuses to go, love him enough to go without him.  

Have you joined your local JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) chapter?  You may be suprised to find out that there are many families in your area dealing with this same exact problem and they may be able to help you.  Try requesting some info from www.jdrf.org.  You won't be sorry you reached out to them.  

I wish you & your son the best and please let us know how things work out.