finding it hard to cope

[angelbabies]

i had 3 miscarriages the 1st one was feb 07, i have a blood clotting problem and was losing the babys because clots where forming in the placenta and cutting it off from the babys, i found it very hard to cope and ended up servilely depressed, i fell pregnant for a 4th time and gave birth to a very beautiful healthy baby girl in feb 2009, i thought having my baby would make it better and she dose i feel so happy shes a dream and everything i ever wanted but i cant help but resent people who can have babys normally and drink, smoke, take drugs while carrying there unborn baby as i lost my babys through no fault of my own! recently a girl who i work with found out she is pregnant, she has been heavily smoking and drinking, i find it very hard to look at her and just brings back memory of my babys and  the resentment i have for the people who take there fertility for granted! i come home some day and just want to cry! i have just been finding it so hard to cope! it sound silly and selfish of me but i just dont know what to do.

[Mariana101]

I love this site because of the support and you don't feel so alone..... so many women are going through this difficult process but there will be a sweet light at the end of this tunnel... and sweet baby skin to cuddle with :)

[angelbabies]

thank you mariana you sound like a very strong and brave woman! im so sorry about what's happened to you and i know how ur feeling having been there before my self!

i found today that i have large cysts on my ovary and may have to get my right one removed! so im feeling all the more thankful that god gave me my daughter! i keep saying i need to overlook the things that upset me as i cant change the world, i just find it so unfair when a baby is all some people want and others dont see how special it is to have a child! its so hard.

thank you for the support!!! i found this place to help me through alot as people are going through the same! good luck to you all xx

[Mariana101]

It's hard not to hate the whole world when you have a miscarriage. I just had one. Still bleeding actually. I had 4 failed IVF and then two months later got pregnant naturally and lost it at 9 weeks. the baby's heart stopped at 7 and they did a D&C at 9. I loved that baby since the second I knew I was pregnant. I thought it was a miracle baby since it was natural conception.... oh well.... only God knows why he did that..... I have to accept it but I did hate the world, watching everybody getting regnant so easily, bad mothers, etc... and I am a clinical social worker and deal with sexually abuse kids, trauma of all kind etc. The world is cruel sometimes but there is so much beauty at the same time. Try to focus on the beautiful part of your life.... your husband, family, friends, daughter, etc..... all those toxic feelings about stupid mothers that drink and smoke only harm your soul and spirit, DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!!! You are a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN and everything goes away. I think of my baby as an angel, I even named him/her "Yolky" because the first time I saw him he was a yolk, then he became a bean but the heart stopped :( It was awful. I'm a very strong woman and have been trough hard time in life with my ex husband and stuff but I have to keep the faith that if God sent me this wonderful man (my new hubby) he will send me a baby. I will do egg donor as soon as I heal from the miscarriage and pray to "Yolky" that he will send me his/her brother soon. The bracelet is a nice idea. Sometimes I feel guilty of not grieving this baby since I'm not constantly crying, but I have my moments and I let them be. Faith is the only thing that is keeping me hopeful these days, and having the support from my teenager daughter, my husband, my family and my friends.
I will keep you both in my prayers!!!

XOXOXOXO

Mariana

PS: remember: POSITIVE FEELINGS prevail :)

[butterflybabies]

What did they say the problem was with your ovaries?? and thanks, even though I know the risk of being heartbroken yet again, I keep going cause I have to believe it will happen some day..
Im not ready to accept it might not happen, and everytime I get thrown to the ground I pick my self up, dust myself off and move on...
And yes I will never forget my babies, even though I was newly pregnant when I lost them doesnt make it any easier, I loved them the moment I found out I was preggo...I have a charm bracelet to remind me of them..
I hope things work out for the both of us !! Good Luck hun!

[angelbabies]

iv just found out i may have a problem with my ovaries this morning so thats not really help my mood! i do just feel like crying and screaming i think its so sad and theres millions of people who would do anything for a baby

butterflybabies- it will happen i didnt think i would ever have my baby girl but i did and shes my world! it dosnt make u forget though! it a hard thing to do taking the risk to keep trying and mayb getting ur heartbroken but when u have a baby its all worth it!

[butterflybabies]

Hi,
I understand how you feel to..Ive had 4 losses and no baby yet..I feel so empty, I know a couple people who continued to smoke and drink during pregnancy and it made me very upset!
Last semester in school, I saw like 3 preggo girls all outside smoking with these huge bellys..I know its hard to quit smoking, I used to smoke so i understand the addiction..but they have no idea how lucky they are to be preggo...
Sometimes it takes a good cry to feel somewhat better( at least for the day), I know I feel better after a good cry...
Hang in there and know that everyone on here is so supportive and here if you ever need to talk and chat..
Big Hugs!

[Super_sally888]

Hi,

I can understand how you feel, that some people take getting pregnant and having a baby for granted (without much effort) and some of us have such a hard time getting pregnant.

It does sound like you are a bit depressed as well.  If you are depressed you may need to talk to a councellor or doctor to get some help with dealing with everything.

Best wishes