I need a shoulder to cry on

[rdh1981]

Hey ladies,

I am having such a bad day today. I can't stop crying. I miss Cooper so much and every day seems to bring so much pain. I am currently on my period right now and that seems to be adding extra uneccesary hormones into the mix.  

I just feel like my life is over.  All I ever wanted was Cooper and now I can't have him.  I am just consumed with death and wish my pain could be over.  I am going to counseling and this is helping but every day is a constant struggle. It is so hard for me to see all these women with their babies and know that I can never hold Cooper again.  

I am so sorry to burden you with my troubles, but I just need someone else besides my husband to talk too.  

Thank you,
Rachel

[Maddiesmom0801]

Rachel,
I understand what you mean and know that I am here whenever you need to vent Sweetie.  Please know that you are NOT a burden. This forum is here so that we may be of support to one another.  We all have our moments and days when we get discouraged and frustrated.  And why wouldn't we??? We are human.  I am at peace with what has happened to my dear Madison Brianna, but that does not mean I don't have my moments too Rachel.  We both long to be mothers and to have someone taken away who you have prayed for and genuinely adore not be here physically is heartbreaking.  I understand...I wish I did not, but I do.  It is healthy for you to release those emotions you are feeling.  If you feel like crying...DO IT.  If you feel like screaming...DO IT (of course not in a place like the grocery store (lol, don't want you to get arrested my friend). Anyway, it is important that you not try to keep those emotions hidden and bottled up inside to try to appear "strong".  Being strong is being true to yourself.  As I have told you before, it is ok to grieve.  Cooper is your sweet, precious angel.  Notice I did not say 'was' because he will always be there to watch over you and your husband.  Even when you have other children, which you will, know that your firstborn will be there in spirit, always smiling and in good health.  I wish I could magically take away your pain, but unfortunately I cannot.  Rest assured knowing that you have a place to come to when you feel as if no one understands you, or even if you feel you need to give your husband's ear a break.  No judgment here...only love and support.  I will say a special prayer for you now that God gives you the peace you so deserve.
Love,
Ungelica (Maddiesmom0801)      

[tina1111]

Oh Rachael, My heart breaks so much and often for you. There hasn't been one day that has passed since Cooper went to heaven that I don't say a prayer for you. I can only imagine the pain. And the pain that I can imagine, is unbearable. I cannot fathom the real thing. I am crying for you as I write this. I wish there were something I could do. When my little brother died I went through the same thoughts and the same emotions. I still cry and tell him I just want him back. I sit with a pillow clutched to my chest, rocking and telling him I just want him back and then everthing will be ok. It's not fair. It's not fair at all. When I lost my baby boy at 12wks, I swear it was like losing my bro all over again. It will get better and you will see him again. He will be there waiting for you and he knows how much you love him. He doesn't want to see you in this agony. Especially since he is in such a beautiful and perfect place. I pray you find some peace. If any one deserves it, you do.

((((Great big hugs)))))

[miky72]

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Loosing a child is the worse thing can happen to us.
You are in my thoughts and prayers

[wishing4#2]

I am so sorry for your pain and loss!! It is unfair.  And I don't think we will ever have an answer or understand "why"! I just finished my 2nd miscarriage.  I know that each day you work through your pain, and then you just have to wake up the next morning and be faced with your reality again! It is so hard.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers!! I don't think that the pain ever goes away, we just learn to live with it and time will dull it so it is not so painful each day.  I will pray for strength and hope for you so you can someday ttc again and get your perfect little baby that you will have to hold and keep with you! I know that there are no words that can make any of it better, but I am thinking of you and praying for you!!

[rdh1981]

Thank you!! Your thoughtfulness really means a lot to me.  

It just seems like life is so unfair. It took us 2 long years and a m/c to finally get Cooper and it only took 7 short weeks to loose him. I just keep asking myself why! Why did my son have to be one of the rare few to not survive HLHS?  I am so angry with God, but yet I feel like I have to please him, so I can one day be with my little man again. I feel like I am so alone in the world.  My heart is just aching and seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I am not sure if I have the strength to ttc again, I feel like God owes at least this. He has ripped my life apart and I feel like I am just spinning out of control. I want Cooper back, I want my old life back and I want to be happy again.  

[TrishV72]

I'm so sorry for your loss.I'm sorry you and your husband had to go through that and you will be in my prayers.

Trish

[lucy19]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Cry as much as you like and don't apologize for sharing your grief.  

[Amy0808]

i am so sorry for you and your family.. my heart goes with you.

[krushing]

As bree08 said, that's what we are here for...to help each other through good times and bad, so please don't apologize for needing to let your emotions out!  I think we all know how it is to need someone else to talk to, even if online.  Our husbands can only do and listen to so much.

I am so sorry for your loss.  And you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

[bree08]

I'm sorry for the loss of your son and the pain your going through. I'm going to keep you in my prayers. You shouldn't be sorry for writing to us with your sadness, that's what we're here for.