Rectal bleed and fear of colonoscopy

[Gizmo12]

Hoping someone can impart some advice: I've experienced four total bouts of rectal bleeding dating back to 10/09. Two happened within two weeks of one another, and the last (this month) was seven months after the last bleed. In all cases, the blood volume lost seemed substantial, completely discoloring the toilet water. Bright red blood would appear on the toilet paper. It would last 2-3 days. The blood is never in the stool, but either streaked on it or in the bowl. in at least two of the incidents, the bleeds followed a bout of terrible eating (no fiber, no greens, tons of cheese). I never strain, however.

A physician felt internal hemorrhoids during a digital exam--but naturally, even at my age (32, male), a colonoscopy is the wisest choice. The problem is that I've been unable to prepare myself psychlogically for the procedure: having never been sedated and also having severe anxiety issues, I don't want to consent to Versed. If I do the procedure awake, I'm fearful I'll have a panic attack while incapacitated by the tube snaking into my colon and injure myself. I have scheduled three exams and have canceled all of them, two even after arriving at the hospital and having gone through the horrible prep. I am THAT frozen with fear about this.

Is there any realistic alternative to the colonoscopy, or am I deluding myself? My current plan is to insist on a flexible sigmoidoscopy since I won't need sedation and the scope isn't as "entrapping" for me mentally since it only goes 1/3-1/2 of the way up. I would expect a diagnosis based on that exam alone, considering the blood is fresh, but I would still then pursue a virtual colonoscopy at a reputable center (two hours away) to visualize the rest of the colon. Between the two, I imagine the chances of missing anything serious are fairly low.

I realize this is all absurd and a drain on me physically, but I can't think of other solutions--and currently, my life has been totally comandeered by the idea I have colon cancer that is growing, untreated, in my stomach. (I also have lower left quadrant "awareness": not pain, just a sensation something is sitting near my left hip bone.) Can anyone offer a suggestion?

[MercyNeeded]

I'm not a physician.  My understanding of the virtual colonoscopy (thinking of having one myself instead of actual colonoscopy) is that it cannot see very small polyps and of course if there is one it CAN see you'll have to follow up with an actual colonoscopy.  But if there is a facility within reasonable driving distance, the virtual colonoscopy is supposed to be excellent.  If there's a growth large enough to block your intestine it will be seen.  Because this is a CAT scan, lots of radiation involved BUT the upside is your other organs are visualized also.  Since you are fearful of the procedure and sedation, what is there to lose (except for the cost, insurance doesn't pay for virtual colonoscopy)?  I'd do that ASAP if I were you and then take it from there.  Chances are there isn't anything "evil" in there at your age.

[CalGal]

Have you considered hypnosis to try to reduce your anxiety? For some it can be very helpful.