Spiraling Out of Control

[Spiraling87]

It has been a long time since I have learned that I suffer from severe depression, that one catalytic disaster can spin me wildly off the straight mind set. It happened and still to this day I keep suffering that consequence. I keep feeling like I spin deeper down a pit of a never ending reminder of broken hearts, torn souls and never ending tears. The replay in my mind of everything just never stops and it has slowly been killing me inside. I have wished for death so many times knowing it would stop this pain that I can’t control. You see I never was the person who would drink her sorrows away or drug myself up. I am the person who would conflict pain to rid myself of other pains. Sadly, admitting a second form of pain isn’t working anymore and I feel the further I allow this pain to control me the darker my mind set is getting. I don’t want to leave, I feel like I need to accomplish something with my life, anything to prove to myself that it is worth living. How does anyone handle this? There really isn’t anyone I trust enough to talk to about it; unemployment doesn’t give me much to afford therapy or even medication. It’s becoming tiring to put on a happy face for others when I am not happy.

[WaywardBrain]

You need to see a professional. There are treatments that will help you. You can trust them they have to keep what you tell them secret.

Take care

[lilmissbamaqueen]

Hi honey,

I completely understand how you feel, because I have those same feelings at times.  It's easy to say that the quick fix is medication, but I realize that that isn't feasible right now.  But there are some things that you CAN do.  First thing is to try taking St. John's Wort.  It is an natural remedy for depression that you take 2 or 3 times a day.  You can get it at Wal-Mart and it is reasonably inexpensive.  I've been taking it now for a few weeks and it does seem to help.  Another thing you can do is find someone you can trust and talk to them.  Sometimes a friend can be more effective than a therapist.  If you don't know of one in your life right now, then do your talking here.  You can add me as a friend, I'm more than happy to listen.  The third thing you can do is get some exercise.  I know that might sound kinda hokey, but it's true.  Since the beginning of the year, I have made time to exercise every day, and believe me, it does make a difference.  I know things seem hard right now, but it will get better, I promise.  Take good care, and please feel free to add me and talk to me if you want.  :)

[silverfox67]

I am so sorry that you feel this way.  Depression is such a horrible emotion and such a terrible disease.  So many suffer in this way so you are not alone.  Some things that doctors recommend is letting in the light - don't sit in the darkness, try a new hobby, listen to soothing music.  I suggest reading the Bible and marking or highlighting passages that you find particularly upbuilding or comforting, such as Matthew 10:29-31.  "Do not two sparrows sell for a coin of small value?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's  knowledge.  But the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  Therefore, have no fear, you are worth more than many sparrows".
    If  Jehovah God knows how many hairs you have on your head, surely he knows what you are going through and is interested in you.  Take heart, for God loves you and wants to help you.  Please get a Bible and read it.  They even have them at the Dollar Tree for a dollar.  It is worthwhile reading and you will find solace in its message.  Remember that no matter what you have done in the past, Jehovah is ready to forgive.  The Bible tells us he throws our sins away.  - I too am plagued by things I have done in the past.  We are so imperfect.  What I do is look at myself in the mirror and say, "That was then, this is now.   This is a new day and I will make the most of it."  Then I smile at myself and forgive myself starting anew each day.  
     I sincerely hope that you take this advice and find happiness.