Hello
I have a chronic depression , I am father of 2 , a very sucessful person. I went through a broblem with my wife for the last 3 months and I was separated. I went to a tourist trip to forget and bring some joy to my life, unfortenately I have consumed lots of alcohol and during that I had an encounter with a youg prostitute ( 20 years ) .
I spent 3 days seeing her every night.
I am extremely worried from :
- in the 1st night i didnt have condoms , she was with me in the room and she gave me a incomplete hand job while we were hugging on bed, i dont know if she only touched my penis with her vagina because our bodies were to close to each other and I am afraid that I touched her vagina.
- in the 2nd night I had both protected vaginal and protected anal sex with her, after ejaculation during anal sex i pulled out and the condom remained insid her . I am terrified by the idea that I might lost the condom protection during sex !
- We were involved in deep kissing for 3 days, she is young and looks very healthy but she told me that she is working as a prostitute for the last 4 years.
the depression and anxity i feel is deep, I have been depressed for the last 8 years and survived so many depression attacks and I know how to deal with the worest types of anxity and depression, but this one is just too heavy for me.
I have been reading about HIV for 2 weeks so far, I know that I have some risk and I really wish that I die before I know that I am HIV positive .
I live in a country where HIV person is considered cursed, my wife called me to come back and I am afraid to say yes and solve this family issue becuase then I cant avoid sex with her and I prefer that i die 1000 times but nothing bad happened to her or to my kids because of me.
someone please help me with statistics , numbers , facts any thing solid that I can use to kill the negative thoughts invading me day and night. i am in the 1st week after encounter and the window period is going to take 3 months :(
God help us all.