Just can't take the stress of all this ..........

[Jebba]

I'm getting increasingly worried and now i'm more concerned about my own mental health and stability than the actual possibility of having HIV... I try to focus on my daily life but I just can't... I can't do anything but ponder endlessly on this situation. My head feels so lightheaded like i'm about to stumble or fall and the only time I don't feel like this is when i'm relaxed... I know I had a low risk exposure but at the back of my mind I feel like i'm just unlucky and I have it. There are days I have convinced myself that I DO have it and how I will cope with the future. My head feels so dizzy and I'm worried it's because of the stress and strain i've put myself through for the past 3/4 weeks. I've had to travel abroad and back on long haul flights and I don't think that's helped me either :( .... I just want to feel normal again

[Jebba]

I just can't control this burning anguish anymore.... They say Oral sex is very miniscule chance but I just can't trust it, I feel like i'm that 0.4% person who got it !!! I had symptoms 4 weeks after with a big rash so I know I must have it ... I'll be shocked if my result is Negative !

[LIZZIE LOU]

wow...so now you have changed your name (again, i'm sure) so that you can troll the anxiety forum?

[Jebba]

I hope to God i'm ok .... I know .. I need to listen and really get on with everything else but it's soooo hard :(

[livelovelife909]

Jebba,

Just to enlighten you a little bit, I too expierenced the same issue you were having, I was the receptor of an oral episode, the guy had severe gum disease (which I didn't know till I turned on the light) and he slept around alot. Suddenly my girlfriend came down with something, which I started to google her symptoms and as always everything you google can relate to HIV.  I got checked at 3-4-5-6 month mark, all blood work from quest diagnostics / labcorp and all negative. I too expierenced "rashes" and came down with a fever and joint pains but none of it was related to HIV.

I do want to let you know that you seriously shouldn't worry from an oral exposure. I should have listened to joggen/teak/lizzie when I kept spamming their forums regarding my risk.

[Jebba]

I'm just so curious about that damn rash .... I can't help but feel it was a great symptom. I booked my appointment today to get tested around that 3 month mark in december ... scared as hell. I'm try to remember if there was a little pre-*** in my mouth at the time .... i'm going to go see the counsellor this week. I've never had anal sex and have never planned to til in a stable firm relationship.... I've always been soooo careful so why do I have to go through this :(

[joggen]

You're free to post but I will not have anything more to say until you make that appointment.

[Jebba]

I'm doing my best Joggen. Day by day .... I will make that appointment but I would still like to gain access here has it has greatly helped me being on this board.

[joggen]

"I'm getting increasingly worried and now i'm more concerned about my own mental health and stability than the actual possibility of having HIV..."

"I'm starting to already let that Anxiety get the best of me and i'm already worried that this stress is beginning to take it's toll on my body."

The first step in addressing a mental health problem is recognizing that you have one. You have done that. Now you need to take the next step and seek a mental health professional. You are responsible for getting appropriate care for yourself when you are not well. If you had chest pains you would go to a hospital and get it checked out- there is no reason to ignore signs of a mental health problem.

Please do not post here again unless you have made an appointment to see a mental health professional.

[rooboo]

Tell me about it, I am on my luch break and I noticed I had a rash all over my chest and shoulder. I went to see it in the restroom, Dam it was awful, it was all red and it i had bumps all over. I got into a scare. I started to think of hiv. I am just trying to get by until my 12-week test.

[Jebba]

I'm doing my best to relax... I find that when i'm relaxed and truly relaxed, my body settles.... I can't believe how sensitivei've become to emotional things. Like if my mum or anyone starts to have a remote or minor conflict with me , my body goes into this scare panic mode and it feels awful. I can feel my nerves twitching and pulsating, and my head is just dizzy all the time. The past 4 weeks has been the most emotionally stressful period ever , and what's worst is to think that I could be putting myself through this over absolutely nothing. I have another month to get tested.. I'm waiting for that 3 month mark....

[djcurt25]

I completely understand what you are going throu.  I am going through the same thing.  It seems that more and more symptoms keep popping up everyday.  I have been very dizzy and have had blurred vision the past few days as well as cold hands and feet.  It is hard not to think that it is HIV related.  

I just tested at my 6 week mark and it was negative.  I just wish time would pass faster because this anxiety is killing me.  

Hang in there man!

[Jebba]

I'm starting to already let that Anxiety get the best of me and i'm already worried that this stress is beginning to take it's toll on my body. You know something, i've never had penetrative sex nor receptive or given. Never and yet look at this mess i'm in from only having several episodes of Oral sex. I have to wonder if i'm truly worrying over nothing but every little thing that's wrong with me I believe it's HIV. This biggest scare was the one after the one I posted here with those symptoms. I remember when I moved into my new home afew weeks ago, after I stress of moving I literally told myself i'm gonna stress about this HIV scare when I move in and I did. Now i'm dizzy all the damn time , feeling emotionally drained and it's causing problems in me which I now link to HIV... I'm a wreck

[rooboo]

Around my 6-week period, I was so depressed, I would cry at work. I did not want to be there, I would put off all my duties, just do the minimum. Dam I remember how much I cried, my eyes were red all the time. I began to give up. I just did, I gave up. I let the emotions take me down.  It wasn't until I started to distract myself that I realized It wasn't that bad. I would forget about my situation.

Til this day I have been on edge, I have began to beleive iI don't have HIV, But am worried about me having something else just because of how I feel like muscle pains and the bruises I get.

I f you were a NO risk I would advice you to just relax, cuz the dam anxiety will get you.

I hope you listen to joggen

[joggen]

You were not at low risk, you had NO risk.

[Jebba]

That's how I feel. Like what the hell man... I've ALWAYS ALWAYS been so damn careful, all the time. I've told the forum what I did and I've been told it's low risk but in my mind I don't believe it. I'm already convinced I have it. I'm already thinking that I just have to go on and continue my life like yourself, but even with the low risk factors it's still SOOOOO hard to believe i'm low risk, some even said no risk but in my mind I believe I have it. It's sooooo hard ! My outlook about everything has changed... just waiting to take that test... I'm feeling like i'll be suprised if it's negative !!! This weekend I came home because I just want to be with my family and friends and do everything I miss and love... I hate this worry **** :(

[rooboo]

I know how you feel, what I would give to feel like I did before this.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel okay. I have told myself nomatter what happens I will just live my life.

Jebba I think you just need to live, try not to worry. try to enjoy those days again. If you were a low risk you will turn out okay.