Aa
Dr. Hook, Gave and received oral sex
Dr. Hook,
Unfortunately, I am back to this site again. As I am sure you know, I have HIV OCD; however, that does not minimize my risks or anxieties. I'm at the point where I am pushing anyone away sexually because I constantly nag them about their HIV/STD status before being intimate with them. Well here is the risks that I had about a month ago: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/Vance-NurseGirl/show/1992280#post_9384713
Please let me know if you agree with the community forum's advice regarding those exposures. Ok, so I thought I was being safe, but I am always hearing mixed messages. I have been seeing this guy for months, and he has inserted his finger in my vagina unprotected many of times. As mentioned in the community site, I am concerned about exposure to his pre-ejaculate or possible cuts. Additionally, last night, I gave him oral sex, but had him wear a condom. I kept checking the condom and it seemed to be intact, however, my anxiety has got the best of me, as in the middle of it, it kind of felt like he ejaculated and something wet squirted out through condom. Although, it may have been my spit because I smelled it and it smelled like spit. Plus when I checked the condom, it appeared intact. The room was dark, but I used my cell phone light very closely to look at the condom. Furthermore, he performed oral sex on me unprotected, which I read was not a risk on this site. Please clarify if I am at risk from unprotected oral sex receiving, unprotected fingering, and giving oral with a condom.
Unfortunately, I am back to this site again. As I am sure you know, I have HIV OCD; however, that does not minimize my risks or anxieties. I'm at the point where I am pushing anyone away sexually because I constantly nag them about their HIV/STD status before being intimate with them. Well here is the risks that I had about a month ago: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/Vance-NurseGirl/show/1992280#post_9384713
Please let me know if you agree with the community forum's advice regarding those exposures. Ok, so I thought I was being safe, but I am always hearing mixed messages. I have been seeing this guy for months, and he has inserted his finger in my vagina unprotected many of times. As mentioned in the community site, I am concerned about exposure to his pre-ejaculate or possible cuts. Additionally, last night, I gave him oral sex, but had him wear a condom. I kept checking the condom and it seemed to be intact, however, my anxiety has got the best of me, as in the middle of it, it kind of felt like he ejaculated and something wet squirted out through condom. Although, it may have been my spit because I smelled it and it smelled like spit. Plus when I checked the condom, it appeared intact. The room was dark, but I used my cell phone light very closely to look at the condom. Furthermore, he performed oral sex on me unprotected, which I read was not a risk on this site. Please clarify if I am at risk from unprotected oral sex receiving, unprotected fingering, and giving oral with a condom.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
None of this changes my opinion or advice. The "slight risk" in that other thread needs to be judged in context: the chance of catching HIV by oral sex, with semen in the mouth, if the penile partner has HIV, has been calcualted at 1 in 10,000. That's equivalent to giving BJs to infected men once daily for 27 years before transmission might be likely.
Of course you're in a better position than I am to judge whether or not your partner was telling the truth; I'll just say that most people don't lie when asked directly about HIV status or risks.
That's definitely the end of this thread. I won't have any additonal comments. Consider testing for HIV if the negative result will give you more confidence than my words. But there's nothing more I can do. Good luck.
Of course you're in a better position than I am to judge whether or not your partner was telling the truth; I'll just say that most people don't lie when asked directly about HIV status or risks.
That's definitely the end of this thread. I won't have any additonal comments. Consider testing for HIV if the negative result will give you more confidence than my words. But there's nothing more I can do. Good luck.
Sorry, sorry. Forgot to add that the small painless red dots aren't on the back of my tongue. There were 3 or 4 on the R side slightly above my soft palate and 2 above the L side. If this changes anything. I can barely notice them now. They are starting to disappear. I am thinking it could be from sucking.
Also, one last thing in case it changes your assessment. The guy is heterosexual, we live in the US (Baltimore area) and he claims to have never used injection drugs or been to jail. Are people likely to keep lying about their status? Is it a good sign that for the past 7 months he claims to be negative and clean after the joke, and even after the incident? Lastly, what are the statistics on people being infected by giving oral sex (like how many people in the world have been infected like this--albeit it makes you wonder how accurate these statistics are since they may attribute infection to another high risk activity, even if oral sex was included)? Have there been any studies with cuts in the mouth and ejaculation? This is it; I think not knowing his status for sure is driving me crazy and just possibly thinking if for some reason he did pre-ejaculate through the condom or what have you and it hit my cut. Would the chances be like being hit by a meteorite or higher?
I guess I just can't get the what ifs out of my mind and the HIV joke scared me.
Thanks so much for the additional reassurance. My anxiety has been through an all time high. I keep asking the guy if he came/if the condom broke and he thinks I'm a nut. Do you think it would be obvious by the taste if he did cum and if the condom happened to break? I know what cum tastes like and I definitely did not taste cum throughout the act.
Also, I have a question about herpes. Friday night around 9 pm, I noticed small red dots at the top of my clit area. Would HSV-1 to genitals appear less than 48 hours, as the exposure happened Wednesday night around 11 pm? I think I may have had red spots/possible tiny sores there, as I have had a lot of discharge lately prior to this, and I may have scratched it through my clothes. I was thinking that the friction from possibly scratching/moistness could have caused an irritation to the top of the clit like this. I put some A and D ointment on it and it went away within a day or two. Would HSV-1 to genitals, also go away that quickly?
I also forgot to mention in my initial post that I seem to have a wisdom tooth coming through my back molar. It looks like a slight gash in the molar; however, the cut/gash isn't bleeding. Would this also add to my risk if the condom did break and he did ejaculate?
Lastly, I read this thread and I am getting more and more anxious. I know, I know...I need to stop getting online and reading threads. http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Risk-Assessment-for-Gay-Male/show/1755984
In this thread, you say there is a slight risk from oral exposure to semen. This is increasing my anxiety greatly because I had the possible cuts from the burn. Would the cuts have to be actively bleeding, as they were red, so possibly the blood was drying up? Can you please explain this because I feel like the information is contradicting and now I am freaking out. Also, you said you may possibly recommend PEP to a person if they gave oral sex to a known infected partner who ejaculated. I just don't know what to think anymore and my mind is going wild with worry. I just don't want to give my regular partner anything and I hope I didn't mess up my life.
I promise I won't have anymore anxiety driven questions. I just wanted further clarification after reading more. Lastly, so I can safely get my conclusive results at 6 weeks and you would recommend standard antibody test?
Thank you so much!
Also, I have a question about herpes. Friday night around 9 pm, I noticed small red dots at the top of my clit area. Would HSV-1 to genitals appear less than 48 hours, as the exposure happened Wednesday night around 11 pm? I think I may have had red spots/possible tiny sores there, as I have had a lot of discharge lately prior to this, and I may have scratched it through my clothes. I was thinking that the friction from possibly scratching/moistness could have caused an irritation to the top of the clit like this. I put some A and D ointment on it and it went away within a day or two. Would HSV-1 to genitals, also go away that quickly?
I also forgot to mention in my initial post that I seem to have a wisdom tooth coming through my back molar. It looks like a slight gash in the molar; however, the cut/gash isn't bleeding. Would this also add to my risk if the condom did break and he did ejaculate?
Lastly, I read this thread and I am getting more and more anxious. I know, I know...I need to stop getting online and reading threads. http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Risk-Assessment-for-Gay-Male/show/1755984
In this thread, you say there is a slight risk from oral exposure to semen. This is increasing my anxiety greatly because I had the possible cuts from the burn. Would the cuts have to be actively bleeding, as they were red, so possibly the blood was drying up? Can you please explain this because I feel like the information is contradicting and now I am freaking out. Also, you said you may possibly recommend PEP to a person if they gave oral sex to a known infected partner who ejaculated. I just don't know what to think anymore and my mind is going wild with worry. I just don't want to give my regular partner anything and I hope I didn't mess up my life.
I promise I won't have anymore anxiety driven questions. I just wanted further clarification after reading more. Lastly, so I can safely get my conclusive results at 6 weeks and you would recommend standard antibody test?
Thank you so much!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
None of this additonal information changes my opinion or advice. The little details of your sexual practices and exposures make no significant difference in your risk. Things like cuts in the mouth or on fingers have little or no effect.
"Have there been any studies on insertive fingering and possible cuts/exposure to pre-ejaculate/ejaculate via fingering? I was just curious how the doctors know its no risk." There is no such research because it isn't necessary. Nobody with HIV/AIDS ever reports that such exposures were their only possible source of infection. Everybody with confirmed HIV has had unprotected sex, needle sharing, or other obvious high risk exposures.
There are numerous possible explanations for "small red painless, flat spots in the back of the throat", but HIV is not among them. If they are on the back of the tongue, you may be noticing the prominent normal taste buds that everybody has in that location.
When a partner has oral herpes, the chance of transmission to a partner from any single sexual exposure probably is 1 in 1,000 or less.
Teak is not a health professional, and he has no official relationship with MedHelp. He's just a knowledgeable guy who is willing to spend time on the community forum to help people. As a non-professional, it is appropriate that he adhere's to the official advice (from public health agencies and test manufacturers) about time to reliable testing, i.e. usually 3 months.
On the other hand, Dr. Hook and I base our advice about test timing on scientific data and research. Below are two threads that explain in more detail why HIV testing is usually definitive sooner than 3 months, despite the official advice:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1704700
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1891685
As you undoubtedly understand, people with OCD always have a "yes but" or "what if" question; every answer raises concerns about possible exceptions. But trust me on this: there is absollutely no scenario you can think of, or additional information you can provide, that is likely to change the reassuring replies I have already given -- that you are not at significant risk of HIV and were not infected. Therefore, these comments will end this thread. I won't have any further comments or advice. Do your best to move on without worry.
"Have there been any studies on insertive fingering and possible cuts/exposure to pre-ejaculate/ejaculate via fingering? I was just curious how the doctors know its no risk." There is no such research because it isn't necessary. Nobody with HIV/AIDS ever reports that such exposures were their only possible source of infection. Everybody with confirmed HIV has had unprotected sex, needle sharing, or other obvious high risk exposures.
There are numerous possible explanations for "small red painless, flat spots in the back of the throat", but HIV is not among them. If they are on the back of the tongue, you may be noticing the prominent normal taste buds that everybody has in that location.
When a partner has oral herpes, the chance of transmission to a partner from any single sexual exposure probably is 1 in 1,000 or less.
Teak is not a health professional, and he has no official relationship with MedHelp. He's just a knowledgeable guy who is willing to spend time on the community forum to help people. As a non-professional, it is appropriate that he adhere's to the official advice (from public health agencies and test manufacturers) about time to reliable testing, i.e. usually 3 months.
On the other hand, Dr. Hook and I base our advice about test timing on scientific data and research. Below are two threads that explain in more detail why HIV testing is usually definitive sooner than 3 months, despite the official advice:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1704700
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1891685
As you undoubtedly understand, people with OCD always have a "yes but" or "what if" question; every answer raises concerns about possible exceptions. But trust me on this: there is absollutely no scenario you can think of, or additional information you can provide, that is likely to change the reassuring replies I have already given -- that you are not at significant risk of HIV and were not infected. Therefore, these comments will end this thread. I won't have any further comments or advice. Do your best to move on without worry.
Also, when can I get a conclusive HIV result and which test should I take? I'm confused because Teak says 3 months, and you and Dr. Hook say 6 weeks. Also, do you recommend testing for any other STDs from him going down on my vagina?
Also, I didn't see any cold sores on his lips, but what if he had one that wasn't noticeable. How easy is HSV-1 to transmit to the genitals?
Thanks Dr. HHH. Your comments make me feel more at ease. Have there been any studies on insertive fingering and possible cuts/exposure to pre-ejaculate/ejaculate via fingering? I was just curious how the doctors know its no risk. My friend scared me because she said I could get hiv this way if he had a cut and friction was caused by the fingering allowing the virus to transmit. Additionally, I'm pretty sure the condom didn't break, as I rubbed my fingers over the top of it and when I was looking at it under the cell phone light, the tip where the fluid goes appeared intact. My fear is just if it did, and he did cum. I am worried about the cuts in my mouth from the hot food. Also, the next day, when I was brushing my teeth, one of the cuts/abrasions started bleeding really bad, which scared me. How much difference would the cuts make?
Additionally, what could cause a few small red painless, flat spots in the back of the throat? That is worrying me as I thought these spots/my white tongue could be a symptom of HIV. The guy said he would take the home HIV test awhile ago, which made me feel more at ease, but what confuses me is that he says, "I know I'm clean" yet he claims to have never been tested. Although, as mentioned, he said his ex got tested and was negative and they had unprotected sex. I mean that is a good indicator, but doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have anything.
How concerned should I be about the cuts with kissing? All in all, would your level of risk still be the same, if he were known HIV positive? I think the uncertainty of not knowing if the condom broke is making me anxious knowing I got that bad burn in my mouth only a few hours before. I'm terrified to get tested!!!!
Additionally, what could cause a few small red painless, flat spots in the back of the throat? That is worrying me as I thought these spots/my white tongue could be a symptom of HIV. The guy said he would take the home HIV test awhile ago, which made me feel more at ease, but what confuses me is that he says, "I know I'm clean" yet he claims to have never been tested. Although, as mentioned, he said his ex got tested and was negative and they had unprotected sex. I mean that is a good indicator, but doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have anything.
How concerned should I be about the cuts with kissing? All in all, would your level of risk still be the same, if he were known HIV positive? I think the uncertainty of not knowing if the condom broke is making me anxious knowing I got that bad burn in my mouth only a few hours before. I'm terrified to get tested!!!!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
All this has been noted. See my reply above.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the forum and thanks for your question. FYI, we ask that all questions fit in the initial window provided -- that's the reason for the 2,000 character limit. Yours isn't super long, but in the event of future questions, try to stick to the limit. (On many MedHelp forums, the moderators set their browsers so they don't see any follow-up comments.)
Dr. Hook and I take questions randomly, without regard to specific requests for either of us. We have worked closely with each other for 30 years; our opinions and advice are always more or less identical.
I agree with the responses you had on the community forum. No case of HIV has ever been known to be acquired by fingering or kissing, even with cuts on the fingers, in the mouth, gum inflammation, etc. Oral sex with a condom is of course zero risk -- in fact it's nearly zero risk even unprotected. In other words, while I doubt the condom broke (it's not something you could miss), even if it had, I would say this was a zero risk event. Also, I would point out that HIV remains rare in most heterosexual men in the US and other industrialized countries; if your partner is not an injection drug user, bisexual, a former prison inmate, or otherwise at special risk, then almost certainly he did not have HIV. (His joke about it is a bit cruel, if he knew of your OCD and anxieties about HIV -- but it really doesn't sound like he is infected.)
As for your symptoms, there is nothing in them that suggests you have HIV or any other STD.
For all those reasons, I don't even see any need for you to have an HIV test, and for sure you should not have PEP on account of these events. You can and should continue unprotected sex with your regular partner without fear of transmitting HIV.
My final comment is to advise you to not search the internet about HIV transmission risks. Anxious people, especially those with OCD, tend to be drawn to information that inflames their anxieties and to miss the reassuring bits. Perhaps you'll agree it isn't worth the aggravation!
I hope this has helped. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
Dr. Hook and I take questions randomly, without regard to specific requests for either of us. We have worked closely with each other for 30 years; our opinions and advice are always more or less identical.
I agree with the responses you had on the community forum. No case of HIV has ever been known to be acquired by fingering or kissing, even with cuts on the fingers, in the mouth, gum inflammation, etc. Oral sex with a condom is of course zero risk -- in fact it's nearly zero risk even unprotected. In other words, while I doubt the condom broke (it's not something you could miss), even if it had, I would say this was a zero risk event. Also, I would point out that HIV remains rare in most heterosexual men in the US and other industrialized countries; if your partner is not an injection drug user, bisexual, a former prison inmate, or otherwise at special risk, then almost certainly he did not have HIV. (His joke about it is a bit cruel, if he knew of your OCD and anxieties about HIV -- but it really doesn't sound like he is infected.)
As for your symptoms, there is nothing in them that suggests you have HIV or any other STD.
For all those reasons, I don't even see any need for you to have an HIV test, and for sure you should not have PEP on account of these events. You can and should continue unprotected sex with your regular partner without fear of transmitting HIV.
My final comment is to advise you to not search the internet about HIV transmission risks. Anxious people, especially those with OCD, tend to be drawn to information that inflames their anxieties and to miss the reassuring bits. Perhaps you'll agree it isn't worth the aggravation!
I hope this has helped. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
Just to clarify: He performed unprotected oral sex on my vagina twice and I performed protected oral on his penis once. Also, he has inserted his fingers inside me at least 8 times or more on different occasions and we have French kissed just as much too.
We also made out very heavily. What concerns me is about an hour before the incident, we got pizza and I noticed that my cheek felt rough, so I looked in the mirror and I must have burned my cheeks because there were red cuts/lacerations in my mouth. Would I be at risk from French kissing him with cuts in my mouth that possibly occurred only an hour before. Also, what if the condom did break or had a whole in it and he did ejaculate some cum in mouth with these cuts, would this pose a greater risk??
I'm concerned because he made a joke about HIV before when he had a cold because he said I am a hypochondriac and always talk about STDS; however, I have asked him continuously for 7 months after the joke and he claims to be HIV/STD free and swears on his son/mother. He also said his ex girlfriend got tested when she went in for her birth control and was clear. Please let me know if I would need PEP and if he was known to be HIV positive, would your assessment be the same. I have been concerned because over the past few months, my tongue has been whiter than normal and last night I was sweaty and today at work. Also, last night after the oral sex, I noticed a few small painless red dots in the back of my throat. Is it possible these dots are from using a condom or sucking too hard because I thought it was ironic that they came right after oral? I'm so worried because I still see my ex and want to make sure I don't give him anything. Please help, I'm soooo worried! =(((
I'm concerned because he made a joke about HIV before when he had a cold because he said I am a hypochondriac and always talk about STDS; however, I have asked him continuously for 7 months after the joke and he claims to be HIV/STD free and swears on his son/mother. He also said his ex girlfriend got tested when she went in for her birth control and was clear. Please let me know if I would need PEP and if he was known to be HIV positive, would your assessment be the same. I have been concerned because over the past few months, my tongue has been whiter than normal and last night I was sweaty and today at work. Also, last night after the oral sex, I noticed a few small painless red dots in the back of my throat. Is it possible these dots are from using a condom or sucking too hard because I thought it was ironic that they came right after oral? I'm so worried because I still see my ex and want to make sure I don't give him anything. Please help, I'm soooo worried! =(((
You are reading content posted in the HIV - Prevention Forum
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Can I get HIV from surfaces, like toilet seats?
Can you get HIV from casual contact, like hugging?
Frequency of HIV testing depends on your risk.
Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) may help prevent HIV infection.
