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HIV Anxiety - Paranoia
Hello, I wanted to share my story with all the people here worried/paranoid with HIV Anxiety. I became obsessed with the idea a few years ago when I had unprotected sex. I got the flu a few months later, and like most of you, made the biggest mistake by reading symptoms online. I convinced myself that I had it and tested negative at six months and moved on. I made a mistake again in February and this time caught the cold three weeks later. I spent days and nights constantly thinking about the virus, google'ing every symptom. I thought my thyroids were swollen, I got canker soars in my mouth, my stomach rumbled, I lost 10lbs, I sweated at night for an entire week and a few times after during high anxiety times. I got nauseated often, I slept with my wrists folded and got muscle spasms, joint pain, headaches, depression, blurry vision, dry and pain behind my eyes. I even thought I saw non-existent rashes. And when summer came along and I had dry skin on fingers, I thought I had flaky skin. My stomach hurt at times and I started having white stuff on my tongue which I thought was thrush, doctor said it wasn't. I played with the back of my ears so much, felt pain and thought I had swollen thyroids, until I actually swelled up the back of my ear by playing with it. My anxiety took over my life, I didn't believe the five tests I took in the first three months and it became harder to trust test results afterwards. I had muscle aches, weak hands and tingling down my toes. I confused mosquito bites with rashes and spent numerous hours a day until I developed a disorder... generalized anxiety attacks and my obsession got worse. At a point where I can picture a good life without thinking that I'm infected. I got my 20 week test and I'm still convinced that I had HIV, because my joints hurt. Please remember, imagination is key, don't do this to yourself and rely on test results! It becomes a vicious cycle once you convince your mind that you have something you don't. I'm doing better now with CBT and I'm seeing a psychologist. Family and friends are also of great help. Don't let HIV anxiety ruin your life. I even thought the depression I was having was because of HIV, then it went to MONO or LYME disease after reading more symptoms online. Stay off GOOGLE for symptoms and believe the tests. Hope my post helps someone else here suffering from the same condition. Best wishes and hang in there. Picturing positive things is key, remember it took your mind months to get here and it will take that long or longer to get back to your normal life. It's never easy to put it past you if you experienced symptoms right after or close to the encounter and you obsessed about it for months. You mind doesn't have eyes or ears, it believes everything you tell it. I'm stuck telling myself that symptoms mean nothing! It's helping.
Best Answer
Good post for the worry wells--you can move on now but 3 months would have been conclusive.
It has been 3 years since you had anxiety. How are you doing now? Do you get better and the symptoms disappear??
I've the same anxiety from past 3 months. I test negative at 4 weeks and 11 weeks recently due to an oral incident which everyone here says no risk. But I somehow feel uneasy due to stomach problems and will test again after 2 weeks just to be sure. I hope they find a vaccine for this soon. Life is hell with anxiety.
Going through the same thing now. This forum and another forum said that I had no risk, but now everything on my body is hurting and my mind is going 100mph trying to cope.(see post: possible contact with pre seminal fluid may16) May spend large amounts of money for test to ease my mind.
I took a test at 15 weeks time but hadn't made sure of the needle they used at a reputed hospital and I got paranoid for the next 4 months thinking the nurse might have infected me with a dirty needle. Took a test at 17 weeks after that but still not convinced. Rational mind just doesn't work
5 years, wow! Well, I guess you handled it better than I did. 5 years would have driven me crazy. I couldn't drink, because all the anxiety was giving me serious headaches after drinking. Glad you got your life back on track.
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