HIV risk from cunnilingus after brushing teeth and bleeding gums

[Newlyworried1]

To start, I am a late 20s, caucasian, heterosexual male. I have read conflicting information regarding the risk of giving cunnlingus and the risks involved. My situation is that I gave cunnilingus to a female of unknown status after having protected vaginal sex for several minutes. We then had more protected intercourse. What is now worrying me is that I brushed my teeth, and spit out blood from my gums (they used to bleed when I brushed), 15 minutes before the intercourse/cunninlingus started. This happened 2 years ago, but I haven't been worried, until now, due to believing that there isn't a big risk of contracting STDs (esp. HIV) from giving oral to a woman. I thought oral was essentially safe sex. But, with some new health anxiety and OCD, I'm not sure how safe I was being, and I have been concerned about HIV. I was concerned I could have given it to my ex-gf, but she just tested negative a few weeks ago, 4 months after our last sexual encounter. I have seen this question asked, and know what the answer will probably be, but I'm seeking help anyways for peace of mind, if not anything else. I found a swollen lymph node on the back left side of my neck 2 months ago, one behind my  left ear which I think has been there for many years, and one on the inside of my elbow, which I noticed after overdoing it and hurting my elbow at the gym 2 weeks ago. The node in my neck that is slightly enlarged fluctuates in size, always 1cm or less, and used to frequently enlarge as a child when I was ill (I was a sickly kid with dozens of sinus infections, ear infections, etc). The node in the elbow is what worries me, as every website screams HIV if these nodes are enlarged. Is there an HIV risk involved considering I brushed my teeth and had bleeding gums close to the time I performed cunnilingus? Is there any need to be tested over this incident? Thank you.

[RubyWitch]

Thank you.

I hope you find the peace you are seeking.

RubyWitch

[RubyWitch]

We could debate ALL NIGHT about the statistics of who is more at risk for acquiring HIV (man to woman or woman to man) but personally, I'm WAY too tired to get into THAT particular Big Bang Theory.

I say we call it a day KNOWING these things:

Your ex is totally HIV negative.
YOU never had a risk for HIV because you had PROTECTED VAGINAL SEX.
YOU never had a risk for HIV from oral sex because oral sex is NOT A RISK FOR HIV.
Oral sex is a risk for other STD's and if you haven't had an STD panel done, I would recommend it. It has also been recommended that anyone who engages in oral sex should have a panel done every three months as a prevention.

I'm glad to hear you've begun therapy. I hope they practice CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) Sorry but I'm very anti-Freud/Jung!
I hope you'll let me know what they say about that node on your elbow. But I also know a great deal about health anxiety and self-diagnosing is bad mojo! I'm guessing you popped a tendon at the gym!

I wish you well, peace of mind and spirit
RubyWitch

[Newlyworried1]

I'm not attempting a debate, at all. I am grateful for the advice, and was merely curious. I agree that self diagnosis is bad mojo, and dr. google doesn't help in that department, as every search brings up the worst of illnesses. I'll take that advice on the STD panel and CBT. Thanks, again. You have helped relieve some angst. Peace be with you.

[RubyWitch]

Holy cow.

You stated "I was concerned I could have given it to my ex-gf, but she just tested negative a few weeks ago, 4 months after our last sexual encounter."

So...this is good. We know you did not infect your ex.
I'm afraid I'm a bit confused trying to follow your timeline of when and with whom you had sex.

Did you have the sexual encounter you've posted about AFTER your ex tested negative? Or before? Only if you had this encounter BEFORE you broke up would there be a concern that you'd infected her. But if it WAS before you broke up and she tested negative, then that means YOU are negative as well. If you had this encounter AFTER you broke up and had not had sex with your ex in four months, why was there any concern you may have infected her?

Am I being unbelievably obtuse here? I keep going back to your posts and remain confused. I even drew a little timeline on my hand but it ended up looking like a map of Alaska.

I think before I give you incorrect information, I am going to advise that you discuss ALL of this with the doctor you are going to be seeing very soon. He will be able to assess any risks you may be facing. You had protected vaginal sex so we KNOW you are not at risk for HIV. Your concern is the risk of having contracted HIV from the oral sex.......that and the swollen node on your elbow.

I have given you my humble opinion about your risks for HIV, but it WILL take a doctor to understand and diagnose what is causing your  epitrochlear lymph nodes to swell. That is WAY, WAY too far out of MY ballpark.

I know I mentioned this before, but I hope you will also discuss your OCD and the idea of seeking professional help to deal with it. It appears to be interfering with your life and it doesn't have to.

I do wish you the very best and hope you get the help and answers you need soon.
RubyWitch




      

[Newlyworried1]

Thank you for your opinion and information. I'm sorry if my timeline was not clear. I had been with my ex for almost 4 years up until this past Thanksgiving, which is the last time we had sex. The unprotected oral and protected vaginal sexual encounter with another woman happened almost 2 years ago (May 2014), while my ex and I were on a short break. We got back together briefly this past year (mid 2015), which is why I was worried about having possibly infected her. She tested negative 2-3 weeks ago on a test taken for work. I am a little curious as to your comment about me being negative if she is, as I have read that the risk of a man giving it to a woman is 8/10,000. So, even if I were to have it, she may not have gotten it. I'm not sure if this is correct. Regardless, I now know from what you've stated that I wasn't at risk from the oral encounter I had, anyways.

I take away from this that giving oral sex with bleeding gums wasn't a risk, and I appreciate your help with this. I have started seeing a therapist, as it seems this is more related to health anxiety and OCD about being sick with something serious. I will also speak with my family med doc. Thanks for your well wishes. Sending positive thoughts your way, as well.

[Newlyworried1]

Thanks for the response. I need to have a screening done, but I haven't due to having been in a monogamous relationship since mid 2012 with this incident, while on a break, being the only outlier.

In regard to websites "screaming swollen lymph nodes indicate HIV" I was referring only to the epitrochlear lymph nodes, which is where this node lies inside the elbow. This was how they diagnosed HIV in sub saharan africa in the 90s-2000s, with a 90% success rate. Most medical sites on a google search list HIV infection as a cause of epitrochlear node enlargement. Some say this is a common indicator, which is why I became concerned.

I do need to discuss this with my doc, and have brought up the lymph nodes with him within the last few months due to OCD that I had lymphoma. I will talk to him again. I appreciate the advice. It seems a recent time of high stress has caused some emotional trauma and imbalance, which has caused me anxiety.

As far as my HIV concerns go in regard to this incident, I assume I don't need to test specifically for HIV at this time, considering this encounter was no risk, and my ex-gf, who is the only person I've been with in 4 years, tested negative. Is this correct? Again, thanks for your help.

[RubyWitch]

Oral sex, even if your gums were bleeding, is not a risk for HIV. There are bacteria and enzymes in human saliva which renders the virus inactive. Air also renders the virus inactive and is abundant in the mouth.

Oral sex can be a risk for other STD's and you might want to consider having an STD panel done to rule them out. It is recommended that anyone who engages in oral sex have an STD panel every three months as a preventative measure.

I don't know which websites you're reading that "scream swollen lymph nodes indicate HIV"  but I strongly urge you to stop reading such nonsense immediately. I would also be interested to read some of these, so if you could send me the links, I'd appreciate it.

The human body contains hundreds of lymph nodes, very few of which we can feel from the outside. They swell when fighting infections from small cuts to cancer and a thousand other things in-between.

You stated you overdid it at the gym and injured your elbow, then noticed the node was swollen. Depending on what you mean by "injuring your elbow," it's possible this is not even a lymph node. If it is still there in a couple weeks, see your doctor for an evaluation. And while you're there, please discuss your concerns about lymph nodes in general. I think you find that discussion very reassuring.

You may also want to discuss your OCD as there ARE ways to help you deal with it.