Scared I could have HIV

[scaredofdaids]

On saturday night I went out with some friends one of whom is gay. I had a lot to drink, and after the pub closes my gay friend insisted on walking me home. While we were walking he started asking me if I just wanted to have fun, and go with the flow or if I wanted to go home. I was so drunk everything was a fog, and I didn't really realize what he was asking me, because he wasn't being straight up, he was talking in riddles. Before I knew it he had pushed me behind a tree and undid my pants and started sucking me. I let it happen, and things got progressivly more blurred as more of the alcohol in my system kicked in. It progressed to me trying sucking him, and then he then began performing analingus on me, and inserting his finger in a very rough manner. It hurt. He then told me he wanted me to **** him. I had a condom with me, and I told him he had to use it, but he took it off and forced himself onto me. At this point I was completely gorssed out and very unhappy, I was not enjoying the experience at all, but I was so drunk I was having a hard time expressing my feelings and getting out of the situation. I now totally understand how a girl can engage in something that is apparently consensual but still feel raped after the fact. I feel like I was raped, this was not something I wanted, enjoyed, or ever would have agreed to sober, and I can't quite explain how it ever went as far as it did.

But now I am scared. The very next day I was very, very sore around my anal area, which I attributed to how rough he was. But now, two days later I woke up with a painful headache which was lasted all day, along with swolen lymph nodes, swolen tonsils, and perhaps a mild fever/sweats. I am terrified that I could have contracted something, even though there was no ejacualtion that I am aware of.

This would ruin my life. I am so angry and afraid right now and there is no one I can talk to about it. I'm not gay, this is not something I wanted to do, I feel violated and scared at the same time. I took the day off work today mostly because of the emotional trauma I am feeling rather than the phsyical symptoms.

Please help me,

[scaredofdaids]

Look, I know this must be annoying because you've heard it all before, but telling someone to just stay of the internet and stay busy is not helpful, you might as well not say anything at all. Obviously I would love to not be worrying about this, but the reality is no matter how much I try, this is going to occupy my thoughts day in and day out until know I am okay.

I guess I am just bloody unlucky that I managed to develop a severely sore throat, swollen glands and fatigue and night sweats right after this incident which is only making my fears worse. I know thse symptoms can't be from HIV, but they could be from Gonorrhea or Chamlydia, which I was unlucky enough to get years ago from an unfaithful ex girlfriend, and it's just adding to my fear. Yeah dude insists he's clean and gets tested every month, but if I have contracted Gono or Chlam, then what else could he have an not know about.

I read stuff seems to suggest my risk was low, since there was no ejaculation or significant exchnage of body fluids, but then the next thing I read contradicts that, and I don't know which opinion to trust. I don't know how to mkae myself feel better, I don't know who to talk to. There's no one. I can't tell anyone about this.

[Teak]

Try staying off the internet and stay busy. We've told you all there is to tell you.

[scaredofdaids]

i'm not asking you to place a wager on me, I'm asking for someone to give me a straight answer. Please, I am not doing this to be a pain in the ***, I'm doing this because I am freaking out and need to find some way to calm down for the next three months.

[Teak]

Odds are for horse tracks not in guessing HIV transmission.

[scaredofdaids]

can anyone just tell me what they really think my risk level is based on what I have told them? I know there is some risk, but what are the odds really? If I have to wait 3 months to know, I need at least some comfort in the meantime if there is any to be had.

[Teak]

Swollen nodes with HIV are not painful.