Scared I could have HIV

[scaredofdaids]

On saturday night I went out with some friends one of whom is gay. I had a lot to drink, and after the pub closes my gay friend insisted on walking me home. While we were walking he started asking me if I just wanted to have fun, and go with the flow or if I wanted to go home. I was so drunk everything was a fog, and I didn't really realize what he was asking me, because he wasn't being straight up, he was talking in riddles. Before I knew it he had pushed me behind a tree and undid my pants and started sucking me. I let it happen, and things got progressivly more blurred as more of the alcohol in my system kicked in. It progressed to me trying sucking him, and then he then began performing analingus on me, and inserting his finger in a very rough manner. It hurt. He then told me he wanted me to **** him. I had a condom with me, and I told him he had to use it, but he took it off and forced himself onto me. At this point I was completely gorssed out and very unhappy, I was not enjoying the experience at all, but I was so drunk I was having a hard time expressing my feelings and getting out of the situation. I now totally understand how a girl can engage in something that is apparently consensual but still feel raped after the fact. I feel like I was raped, this was not something I wanted, enjoyed, or ever would have agreed to sober, and I can't quite explain how it ever went as far as it did.

But now I am scared. The very next day I was very, very sore around my anal area, which I attributed to how rough he was. But now, two days later I woke up with a painful headache which was lasted all day, along with swolen lymph nodes, swolen tonsils, and perhaps a mild fever/sweats. I am terrified that I could have contracted something, even though there was no ejacualtion that I am aware of.

This would ruin my life. I am so angry and afraid right now and there is no one I can talk to about it. I'm not gay, this is not something I wanted to do, I feel violated and scared at the same time. I took the day off work today mostly because of the emotional trauma I am feeling rather than the phsyical symptoms.

Please help me,

[scaredofdaids]

Well I visted the doctor today and detailed my symptoms fo swolen tonsils, swolen lymph nodes in neck, and as of today a very painful swolen node on my innner thigh. He prescribed clarithromycin and ordered tests for pretty much anything  from mono to chlamydia to hep c, but not hiv. I have not told him I want that text because I figure it won't tell me anything useful after three days and I am enbrassed to tell the story.

If what my "friend" says is true the chnaces of my symptoms having anything to do with our encounter are slim, but I am still so very paranoid and scared.

[scaredofdaids]

Okay so he replied to my email. He says he is very sorry about what happened. He says he never does that, and he was just as drunk as me and doesn't remember a lot of it either. He assures me that he is always safe, and gets tested for everything every month. He is assuring me that he is 100% confident that he is safe and clean and that I don't need to worry. I repeated my concerns to him  twice over, and he tells me he is 100% confident that he is completely clean and that I don't need to be worried about anything. Says he hopes we can bury this issue and be friends.

So, maybe I can relax a little, because I know he wouldn't like about that. So the only question is the small chnace that he wrong about is safety level.

As for the rape issue. I did consent, and though any bi-curisority I had vanished over the course of the encounter to the point where I was completely disgusted by it, I can avoid my own rensposibility for putting myself in this situation, I guess.

I hope he's right and I am completely safe.

[scaredofdaids]

also, the anal did not last very long, just a few second I think. just help me feel better please. I think he is probably negative, and I don't think he the type of person who would knowingly endanger me, but I just don't know.

SO scared. Can't wait three months to not be scared anymore.

[scaredofdaids]

I just need someone to help me feel better. I don't know how to explain what I went through and make my actions make sense. No he didn't hold me down and force me, but he did take advantage of me being in a severely weakened mental state. I don't know why I let it go so far, I really don't because I was very close to crying during every that happend after the initial oral sex, and didn't feel turned on at all. I kept saying I had to go, and he's keep pushing my down again and performing oral on me. At a certain point I gave up on leaving and decided I would just try and "finish" and give him what he wanted so I could go. But that was not possible because no matter what I was so unhappy and un-turned-on about the situation that I could do that. Eventually I managed to go, and left feeling absolutely horrible. No, he did not force me to do anything. But he did take advantage of me.

[scaredofdaids]

teak, he did! I was so drunk I was barely aware what was going on, my reaction time was so slow. Ultimately I did allow him to do it, I can't get around that, but it was not without protest, I just felt like I'd lost control of the situation.

[Vance2335]

By going to the police it could punish the person for the attack on you. You have to see it for what it was and even though you may not want to take it that far he should not have done what he did either. But that is your choice. No one here can make you do anything, you have to find the courage inside of you to do it. You may even want to find a rape support group or talk to a therapist about this incident.

Wait and see what this guy writes back and like I said test at 6-8 weeks for a good indication and 3 months is conclusive.