neg female, pos male, need risk advice

[implausible]

I have read everything I can find and still don't feel knowledgeable enough to make a decision.  I'll see a physician before I do, but in the meanwhile, any advice would be appreciated.

I'm neg, he's pos, his viral load is undetectable and T-cell count is off the charts good.  I have excellent dental hygiene and he has no sores.  Can I fellate him without a condom and be at less risk than being hit by lightning or being killed in a car accident, or dying from lung cancer as a smoker?  If he doesn't ejaculate?  If I keep the pre-*** wiped off (and exposed to air for over 4 seconds?)  and then frequently rinse out my mouth with hydrogen peroxide or alcohol just in case?   I don't mean on a regular basis, just maybe once for our first time.  

What would be the risk percentage for just a few minutes of unprotected vaginal intercourse without ejaculation? (only for our first time?)  Since condoms tend to make me raw/irritated, I'm thinking my risk may be even higher if we use one and it breaks, or if there's overflow or something like that.

I have always practiced safe sex, I've been tested negative, and I'm not a risk-taker and I'm not looking to rationalize or encourage unprotected sex.  But I believe in science and technology and I want to know the true risk possibilities.  I wouldn't go outside in a lightning storm, but if the storm is a couple of miles away, most people wouldn't even think twice about it.  Even if the risk was still much higher than catching HIV might be in this situation.

P.S.  He's extremely knowledgeable about HIV transmission, just not with regard to women.  Yet.  The situation is complicated enough as it is - we're not afraid to discuss it openly with each other, but I'd rather have my ducks in a row before we get naked.  My understanding is that prophylactics would not be prescribed to me in this situation.

THANKS!

[joggen]

"What would be the risk percentage for just a few minutes of unprotected vaginal intercourse without ejaculation? (only for our first time?)  Since condoms tend to make me raw/irritated, I'm thinking my risk may be even higher if we use one and it breaks, or if there's overflow or something like that."

I missed this comment. I hope you are not seriously considering not using a condom for vaginal sex...or perhaps (hopefully) I am misinterpreting.

If you use a water-based lubricant with the condom that will address your issue and help prevent breakage.  

[Teak]

You were never at risk from oral sex but DON'T HAVE unprotected anal or vaginal sex.

[LIZZIE LOU]

SEX LASTS A FEW MINUTES...HIV LASTS A LIFETIME ! ! ! ! !

[joggen]

http://www.aidsmap.com/en/news/2AF5DF5C-ECEF-4854-80BA-09F86B483A02.asp

In total almost 19,000 instances of unprotected oral sex were estimated to have occurred involving the 135 couples over the ten years of the study, but not a single case of HIV transmission was detected. The study authors conclude that: “this seems to point to a very low probability of HIV transmission related to this practice.”


http://www.aidsmap.com/en/news/9119DA7D-74C3-4E96-B2B2-75EC08394FD8.asp

“The absence of HIV infection detected in this sample confirms …that orally acquired HIV infection is rare” commented the investigators, noting that the prevalence of HIV amongst gay men reporting unprotected anal sex was 5.1% showing “the striking difference in the risk of HIV between those who report exclusively fellatio and those who report higher-risk sexual behaviors.”

[Mariocheers]

In my opinion DON'T do anything unprotected