advice on how to handle my husband

[teddy2412]

My husband had a "widowmaker" heart attack approximately 18 months ago.  We were incredibly lucky and he did not suffer any heart damage and had a stent put in and was out of the hospital in 2-1/2 days.  Since then he has become very difficult to get along with in many instances.  We fight over things we've never fought over before.  I need to know how to handle this.  It's like he is a different person.

[Rosemary349]

to the original poster....you've both been through a traumatic time.  You could have lost your husband.  That sort of thing is very hard to believe....until it happenss.  My father died suddenly after laughing and joking with me and preparing for our holiday the next day.

He was snatched from me and from my mum.  People are not usually lucky.

You and your husband were.  Try and embrace him for everything he is.  It's a miracle that he is still here with you.....take that from someone who has seen the alternative outcome.....with a mother crying and wishing she could have one more day to say sorry for all the wrong things she's said, etc.

[ed34]

wow, thank you so much for your comment. You know, when you look back through your family history, an important thing to do is take note of what risk factors they had. For example, did they exercise, did they eat healthily, did any of them smoke?
If you see a trend in habit, you can obviously avoid those traits. You are doing the right thing in exercising, but you must make sure your blood pressure remains normal, you eat the right foods and try to avoid stress as much as possible. Worrying about whether you are next on the list is not going to help your stress levels.
Thank you again.

[EDDY1969]

listen people i never had a heart attack before , but this thing is running in our family , like almost all mens in our family had cardiac problems before , i am 40 years old now , i start jogging 15 years ago when i was 25 , just to prevent this .. and i keep searching the internet from time to time about this subject just because i am scared :)
this is why i found your forum ... now i just want to tell ED man you are awesome , i feel your words ... , seems to me you have passed thru very hard times and you are trying to help people out from your suffering .. my english is not so good , but neverless i hope my message have passed . may god bless you all .

[teddy2412]

Thanks so much for your post.  It is very helpful.  I have a call in to his cardiologist right now regarding meds and counseling recommendations.  My husband doesn't seem to be tired, actually has more energy since his heart attack and swears he feels tons better (walks 18 holes of golf on a regular basis).  I'm afraid the meds killed the rabbit.  He had one almost entirely blocked artery and the doc told us that the rest were clear and should remain that way if he took his meds, etc.  He was 1 week short of 59 when he had his heart attack.  He had never been on any meds and went from 0 to having to take 5 which he will readily admit he resents them.  He was never sick other than a cold occasionally.  I am proud of him, he has changed his diet (cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger) and stopped smoking cold turkey the day he had the heart attack.

Interesting, typing all of this out gives me a little better perspective on how he might still be feeling.  I really didn't think it would last this long though.  I've tried very hard to be patient with him, but sometimes it gets tough.

He went through cardio rehab, but I don't think they offered counseling that he mentioned.  I hope he comes back soon.  I sure do miss him.  He's my best friend.

You have a wonderful attitude in spite of all those stents!!  I may try and approach him on the subject of the two of you swapping emails over the weekend.

[ed34]

oh, and just to add, the same husband is still in there. Once his thoughts have been aired and answered, he should come back into the world again. I think he's just locked himself in the back room trying to handle it.

[ed34]

A very good question. Many people suffer emotionally after a heart attack and some of the medication doesn't help, especially beta blockers which zap all your energy away. If you are on this medication it feels like you have to make a real effort to even get out of bed. I noticed big differences when I came off those things. They also made me uninterested in sexual activities but have been like a rabbit since (Im sure you didnt really want to know that). I think it's important your husband has someone to talk to, he is probably full of unanswered questions about his trauma. Its a huge shock to have a heart attack and as scary as hell (although ive never been there so im guessing). Did your husband go through cardiac rehabilitation where you meet lots of other people in the same condition? some worse which makes you feel better. They also give educational classes where all questions can be answered. He probably has a huge question in the back of his mind "how long will I last" but he has been fixed and can lead a long life. If other blockages form, he can have those stented too. I've had 6 now and it seems  a normal way of life to expect more. I reckon in ten years I will have to avoid magnets or I will get stuck with all the stents I will have received by then. You don't say how old your husband is, I was 46 when I had my heart attack. I always believed heart attacks were reserved for the elderly, and I didnt feel honoured by having one so young.
Your husband needs someone to talk to, family members are difficult to open up to with such things, I was the same with my wife. If he feels he needs to chat, you can always ask him if he wants to converse using email, you can request my address by dropping me a message. Explain that it's easier to talk to someone who has been through it and understands. If you want my credentials I've had MI, 6 stents, triples bypass, lots of angiograms, 2 nuclear scans, echocardiograms, stress tests. So my CV looks quite good dont you think? Anyway the offer is there if he wants it and if not, I think he should seek councelling or a rethink on his medication.

take care

[mammo]

You may want to try talking with him about this.  He has faced his mortality and may be  depressed or angry in knowing how close he came to dying.  He may be scared it may happen again, he may not feel like the man he used to be.  Try to get him talking, and if this does no good, I would suggest he see a professional to find out why he is acting this way.  Sometimes with anger we tend to take it out on those that are closest and we love the most, not fair but it does happen. He may not even realize how he's acting, and it can't be good for him either. Take care...