Aa
Need to Talk
Hello~I am having some concerns and I just basically need to talk to some folks.
As you know, I have trouble with PAC's and other strange "flutters" I have had my echo, ekg, 24 hour holtor monitor, blood work, you name it, and it is all normal. Still, just the same, I worry when I get these strange feelings.
Lately, I have been more in tune to them and other symptoms as I have been under extra stress. This past week, I was over in Seattle checking out a terrific school that will enable me to get a degree in Medical Assisting. I am excited, but, at the same time, petrified. While I was there, those ole flutters came back and literally ruined my trip. I tried to ignore them, told myself they were nothing, but, in the back of my mind, I guess I did not believe myself and I had a cloud of depression following me everywhere. The more folks I talked to at the school, the more my heart rate acted up. I talked to my adviser, and even my friend said that my being in a daze was noticeable and I was NOT my usually bubbly self. I tired to act chipper and excited however. Everyone I talked to, students and faculty alike said I was getting into a great field and would do great, well, the more I heard this, the more I noticed "skips" trying to sneak it, ugh!!
I am very angry at myself, this is a situation that can not be beat. I can take the entire 2 year program on line, only have to be at the school to learn the practicals such as EKG's, veni-punctures, etc. and to take tests. The rest, I do at my own pace, so, I do not have to move even, I can stay at home, but, the few times I do have to go over will be nice as the school and town are directly on the water. The college is fully accredited by the state as it is a community college, has an outstanding reputation, and is everything I have ever wanted in a school. But, what happens, I let the PAC's take over and the anxiety sets in. I am not happy that I do this.
I will add that I have lots of other stress to. I worry a lot about my dad, he misses mom so since her death 4 years ago, so, I am NEVER sad at home, I let myself go when I am alone, then I have a good cry. I do not want to worry him. He knows I have these PAC's and such, I just do not make a big production over them.
Also, our beloved dog of over 13 years is failing. She had a stroke this fall, and now, her back legs give out and sometimes, she can not even rise to standing position when sitting. She was mom's dog, and it is killing me to see her like this, not to mention how hard it is on dad. She does eat good though, and seems happy other wise, but, I fear the inevitable is not too far away.
I used to love to take walks, but, seldom do right now due to all the snow and ice on the sidewalks, besides, I am a coward, I do not want to be alone in case I have a PAC event. Geesh.
I am working hard on fighting all this, and with prayer and help from groups like this, I know I can make it. It is just that at times, I need to vent, then I feel better again for awhile.
Anyway, thanks for reading this and for letting me get things off my chest. This forum is very special to me and I value each and everyone of you. Right now, I am just at a low ebb, the anniversary of my mother's death is coming up in April, and this month, March and the next were the worst in all of her sickness and I guess that is in my sub-conscious mind as well. She died April 14. All this will pass however, and I will be myself "chipper" self again.
Hugs to all
Susie
As you know, I have trouble with PAC's and other strange "flutters" I have had my echo, ekg, 24 hour holtor monitor, blood work, you name it, and it is all normal. Still, just the same, I worry when I get these strange feelings.
Lately, I have been more in tune to them and other symptoms as I have been under extra stress. This past week, I was over in Seattle checking out a terrific school that will enable me to get a degree in Medical Assisting. I am excited, but, at the same time, petrified. While I was there, those ole flutters came back and literally ruined my trip. I tried to ignore them, told myself they were nothing, but, in the back of my mind, I guess I did not believe myself and I had a cloud of depression following me everywhere. The more folks I talked to at the school, the more my heart rate acted up. I talked to my adviser, and even my friend said that my being in a daze was noticeable and I was NOT my usually bubbly self. I tired to act chipper and excited however. Everyone I talked to, students and faculty alike said I was getting into a great field and would do great, well, the more I heard this, the more I noticed "skips" trying to sneak it, ugh!!
I am very angry at myself, this is a situation that can not be beat. I can take the entire 2 year program on line, only have to be at the school to learn the practicals such as EKG's, veni-punctures, etc. and to take tests. The rest, I do at my own pace, so, I do not have to move even, I can stay at home, but, the few times I do have to go over will be nice as the school and town are directly on the water. The college is fully accredited by the state as it is a community college, has an outstanding reputation, and is everything I have ever wanted in a school. But, what happens, I let the PAC's take over and the anxiety sets in. I am not happy that I do this.
I will add that I have lots of other stress to. I worry a lot about my dad, he misses mom so since her death 4 years ago, so, I am NEVER sad at home, I let myself go when I am alone, then I have a good cry. I do not want to worry him. He knows I have these PAC's and such, I just do not make a big production over them.
Also, our beloved dog of over 13 years is failing. She had a stroke this fall, and now, her back legs give out and sometimes, she can not even rise to standing position when sitting. She was mom's dog, and it is killing me to see her like this, not to mention how hard it is on dad. She does eat good though, and seems happy other wise, but, I fear the inevitable is not too far away.
I used to love to take walks, but, seldom do right now due to all the snow and ice on the sidewalks, besides, I am a coward, I do not want to be alone in case I have a PAC event. Geesh.
I am working hard on fighting all this, and with prayer and help from groups like this, I know I can make it. It is just that at times, I need to vent, then I feel better again for awhile.
Anyway, thanks for reading this and for letting me get things off my chest. This forum is very special to me and I value each and everyone of you. Right now, I am just at a low ebb, the anniversary of my mother's death is coming up in April, and this month, March and the next were the worst in all of her sickness and I guess that is in my sub-conscious mind as well. She died April 14. All this will pass however, and I will be myself "chipper" self again.
Hugs to all
Susie
Reading your posts I realise I am not alone in my fear of going for a walk. I enjoy a walk, but have now stopped going due to fear of getting tachy beats far away from home and being unable to make it back. Despite the doctors assurances, I fear their tests may have missed something. So I can empathise with you but can't offer you a solution. I tell myself that I have to learn to live with this, but that is easier said than done.
Malan
Malan
Yes, it is easy for me to say I will put all this in God's hands when I am not having any of the PAC's, but, if I feel even one little "blip" then I completely forget to trust Him, and I am a total wreck for most of the day. Most of mine feel like a few seconds, some longer, but, when I wore the 24 monitor a few weeks back, I hardly any; wouldn't you know however, the minute they took it off, I started to notice more and I wished I still had it on so they could see what I meant. I think that happens to a lot of folks though.
Thank you for your "talks"....it helps, I guess a certain part of me feels like I should just "let go and let God"....but that's only easy to do if I'm NOT actually feeling the crazy heartbeats.....when it actually starts happening I just want to cry in despair, and completely give up....I'm only talking about curling up in a ball and never venturing outside again.......sometimes these episodes last anywhere from a second to what feels like 30 than they make actually rear their ugly head a few minutes later....but none of this has ever been recorded....so I always fear the unknown....thank you for your prayers....I'll do the same!
You sound just like me. I give myself lots of "what ifs" and the more I "what if" the worse I get. I know what you mean, here I want to be an MA, and I am scared out of my mind to be out even.
I am always afraid I will drop dead too in public. The more I worry, the more things act up.
I will keep you in my prayers for your classes. I totally understand what you are going through.
Hugs
Susie
I am always afraid I will drop dead too in public. The more I worry, the more things act up.
I will keep you in my prayers for your classes. I totally understand what you are going through.
Hugs
Susie
I have class tomorrow,in another town,needless to say,I'm already panicking over just the thought about being in class, I get nervous...with all the "what ifs?" What if my heart starts beating funny and I pass out in class, and nobody really knows what's wrong with me,never assuming it's my heart because of my age?" "What if I die right here in class?" "What if I can't make it the entire 8 hrs without a sinus rhythm?" .....and yet I want to be a nurse? I get scared to even work all day,this stupid thing consumes me, if only the doctors would just tell me that whenever my heart acts up,it's totally benign, but so far they've never caught the actual "scary part"....
Here is a big hug for all of you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((The heart rhythm group)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
We WILL make it, with the help of God and each other, we can't loose. Hang in there, and remember to post whenever you are scared.
Susie
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((The heart rhythm group)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
We WILL make it, with the help of God and each other, we can't loose. Hang in there, and remember to post whenever you are scared.
Susie
Going to walk the dog now to de-stress. Dammit, I just want to hug all of you and tell you its going to be okay. And then you would tell me the same. And one day it will be true.
I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand how frustrated and anxious this makes you feel. I do not have a big problem with the flutters and skips as much as I do tachycardia...fast heart rate. It seems anymore that my HR will shoot up unreasonably over every little thing. Like yesterday, I went to lunch with an old friend, and after eating, here went my ole' "lunch time" tachycardia (i often get bouts of it after eating...among all the other inconvenient times!). My heart was just beating out of my chest and I was feeling a little short of breath, but I didnt want her to know what was happening to me. So..I tried to play it cool...and I did because she didnt suspect...but it was so hard :( And like you, I have been told over and over that my heart is fine, that it is just anxiety, but sometimes I think that makes it worse for me...the whole not knowing if it really is something that they have missed. Yes...I get anxious...I get depressed about how much it limits my life anymore...
However, one positive that has came out of it for me is that I am MUCH more empathetic now to others when they are not feeling well. And as a counselor, this is a very good quality. So will it be for you working as a medical assistant. Just think, when you are working at your new job in a dr's office, and a patient comes in who is nervous...maybe even having the same symptoms as you have experienced...how nice you are going to be to them, because you know how terrible they must feel. See...perhaps there is a purpose in everything :)
However, one positive that has came out of it for me is that I am MUCH more empathetic now to others when they are not feeling well. And as a counselor, this is a very good quality. So will it be for you working as a medical assistant. Just think, when you are working at your new job in a dr's office, and a patient comes in who is nervous...maybe even having the same symptoms as you have experienced...how nice you are going to be to them, because you know how terrible they must feel. See...perhaps there is a purpose in everything :)
Jsuter, I can just imagine how scary it would be to sit in class and have those horrid things act up. That is what I am afraid of. Here I am, trying to get training for a job in the Medical profession, and I am freaking over PAC's. I am thankful that over 90% of the classes are on-line and I can do them at home. The fun part will be when I have to be there and the prof is trying to teach me how to set up a room or do an EKG, I might just have the professor put me on the machine. The entire time I was walking around the lovely campus, I wanted to leave as I was getting so scared, but, I forced myself to stay, it was rough.
Pamz, you are so right, stress is the worse thing we can put our bodies through, and I am doing just that. I know better, but, right now, am having a difficult time controlling it. I am sure the anxiety is normal, this is a big step for me. I know I will be thankful I went through with it after it is all behind me.
I am so sorry about your brother. That is so rough for your parents that he died on your dad's birthday, I do not blame you all for celebrating the birthday on a different day.
I will be glad when the weather gets better too, this has been a rough winter, and a very snowy and icy one as well. Luckily, there is a family medical clinic right behind me, so, when I take my walk, I always go right by there. Being this is such a tiny town, we are fortunate to have one this close.
Thank you both for your comments. God bless you all.
Hugs
Susie
Pamz, you are so right, stress is the worse thing we can put our bodies through, and I am doing just that. I know better, but, right now, am having a difficult time controlling it. I am sure the anxiety is normal, this is a big step for me. I know I will be thankful I went through with it after it is all behind me.
I am so sorry about your brother. That is so rough for your parents that he died on your dad's birthday, I do not blame you all for celebrating the birthday on a different day.
I will be glad when the weather gets better too, this has been a rough winter, and a very snowy and icy one as well. Luckily, there is a family medical clinic right behind me, so, when I take my walk, I always go right by there. Being this is such a tiny town, we are fortunate to have one this close.
Thank you both for your comments. God bless you all.
Hugs
Susie
Stress is extremely hard on one's body. Have you tried learning some breathing techniques that may help you control your heart and also help relieve the stress? If your flutters are caused by stress, you might be able to do that. No matter what, don't beat yourself up over how your body is reacting. Try to relax and let it pass. This program sounds like it will be great and something that you'll really like and having some anxiety about getting in to a commitment of schooling is pretty close to normal for most - it's a big step.
Loosing any family member is so hard to deal with. My brother died on April 22, 1996 and this coming month will still be an extremely hard one for me. It's worse for my parents because that is my dad's birthday. Not a day to celebrate anymore. We celebrate my dad's bday now the weekend before and then they leave town on his actual bday.
Good luck with everything and I hope the weather changes soon so you can get back out walking. If you're worried about the pac's, stay close to where other people are and have faith that someone will help you if you need it.
Loosing any family member is so hard to deal with. My brother died on April 22, 1996 and this coming month will still be an extremely hard one for me. It's worse for my parents because that is my dad's birthday. Not a day to celebrate anymore. We celebrate my dad's bday now the weekend before and then they leave town on his actual bday.
Good luck with everything and I hope the weather changes soon so you can get back out walking. If you're worried about the pac's, stay close to where other people are and have faith that someone will help you if you need it.
I totally understand what you are feeling! I too get these wonderful PAC's.....AND I'm trying to pursue a nursing career,I'm scared sometimes to even go to class! I have "episodes" while in class, SCAREEE....I want to leave immediately when it happens! And since what I'm feeling has never been daignosed,I'm scared to death thinking...this is it...this is THE BIG ONE....I'm not sure if they are PVC's or PAC's or worse....but my heart will feel all warbly jarbly...Idk...but it sounds good...it just doesn't feel like it's in a sinus rhythm....it's warbly,pause,jarbly, and I'm sitting here thinking and praying that please Dear God,if you take me right now,please make sure my underwears at least clean......
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