Aa
Feel so alone in this nightmare HELP
Hello all it's me Denise back again. last weds was shot 7. I am on AD effexor, was working until lately. My problem... I am so emotional and my family just doesn't get it. My husband is so nasty and critical of me. Can't come home from work without saying something to hurt me. My daughter (26) is here "helping" til end of month. She's been here for 2 mnths. She wakes up nasty to me. I disgust her. I'm a bad mother, etc... all the while I want to scream but I have to try to keep the peace because of my 6 yr old son. I have a very disfunctional family. I'm loosing it. Why can't my family just try to keep me calm and understand that my head is so messed up right now. If I ask for help with something it's like I'm asking for an arm or I am lazy/or exagerating. So much more to tell. I don't know where to turn. No one understands. I'm so tired, I can't sleep, MY family gets me so worked up I have shaking panic attacks. Doc also gave me klonopin for panic attacks. Not really helping. On top of it I'm going thru pre-mentalpause, ra factor over 500, lower back, hands & shoulder hurt and have limited mobility, have rumatolosist app tues. Also have neutropenia. potasium low. Red cells are still good though! Sorry for rambling. My parents are gone my family can't stand me. I want to do this for my son! Yes I know everyone goes thru crap during tx. But I have no one. :(
IHello all! Thanks again for your responses.It's almost 10:30 am in sunny, hot, humid PA? Not always so hot n humid here for so long. I wish it wasn't so I could "play" outside (garden, mow lawn etc) Anyway I just wanted to let u all know I am off to my sister's in NJ, in my home town of Wayne. :-) Just brushing my teeth n getting some crap together and going. This should do me wonders! Then back for my 9th shot weds @ 9:45pm. I know some of you have been thru so much more and are so understanding and helpful. I am truly grateful each and every response! Love and Health to all of you! I really do love ya all.
A lot of people are getting support from hcvsupport.org/ These are really a sweet bunch and some will come and actually be with you in person. They have a chat group once or twice a week and sort of adopt you. If you need to do something soon and a psych doc is not immediately feasible I believe they can really help.
Wow, tx is hard enough with support, I can't imagine how tough it must be for you.
Would educating your family about the side effects of tx help?
I've often thought we need some kind of retreat we can all go to while doing tx so others don't need to be around our crazy emotions and we don't need to be stressed out.
What helped me get through it was remembering that it would pass.
Surround yourself with music, photos, flowers whatever it is that does make you feel good.
Focus on compassion for others. Sometimes it helps to get our minds away from ourselves, gives us a mini-vacation.
Good luck
OH
Would educating your family about the side effects of tx help?
I've often thought we need some kind of retreat we can all go to while doing tx so others don't need to be around our crazy emotions and we don't need to be stressed out.
What helped me get through it was remembering that it would pass.
Surround yourself with music, photos, flowers whatever it is that does make you feel good.
Focus on compassion for others. Sometimes it helps to get our minds away from ourselves, gives us a mini-vacation.
Good luck
OH
Thanks so much for listening n advising. All of you are in my thoughts n prayers. Some background info .... I'm a Daddy's little girl. He was always there for me but has been gone 22 yrs :( I'm an orphan my Mom gone 2 yrs..
That is great news! I think in the end you will find it is worth it. You have a little guy who is depending on you. All of us I'm sure are keeping each other in our thoughts and prayers. We can all do this, just come here to let loose we will listen.xx anne
"But is it worth all the **** I'm going thru?" You are already 1/3 done with trt, and soon will be 1/2 way before you know it. You are UND.! Things are moving in a positive direction and keep reminding yourself of the end point. Being here to raise your 6 yr old should help provide some inspiration to get you through this. When your feeling down, tell him you need a big hug.
Venting is good to let off some steam, so keep on venting. Hope you have a good week.
Venting is good to let off some steam, so keep on venting. Hope you have a good week.
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It's harder to be a caregiver than we realize. We are the ones with the shakes, the skin with ants crawling around on it, the ones who can't get enough air to walk to the mailbox...or stand up in the shower, and yet THEY are the ones angry and resentful???
well yes, but there are reasons. they love you, and they are going through the stages of grief. They don't want to lose you or see you sick, they are scared...for you and for themselves....they will have to process their anger, their bargaining with God, etc...and fnally get hopefully through grieving and come full circle...full circle is a return to love, to acceptance, to caring. If you look up the stages of grief, you will see how we process death and disease. Sometimes folks don't process, they get stuck in the forst stages and never make it past them...they need help.
we are expecting our families to be OK but not all folks can be on their own. Even ones with faith in God can get anxious for us. Have you thought of trying to get your hubby or daughter to see someone?? Be it a pastor or a psychologist I think it's worth a try.
the psychologist really helped my husband, and he was getting very ansy...there's just a lot of stress..on top of which I got so messed up I could stand up to even cook, much less shop. Very tired. For a lot of men, that is a real issue if they've never done it.
for your daughter it just sounds like she has her own life, and doesn't like having to be inserted into yours.I've seen more than one young woman melt down when expected to return the love that was freely given to them for years. If she can't handle it, let her go...the resentment isn't worth it.
If push comes to shove you can get help for what she does. And my six year old learned to cook his own oatmeal and a whole host of other things. They can be really grown up when the need arises.
It might help you to make sure and get on Epogen if your HB goes low...and it might help to show your husband a list of the common symptoms of treatment, and of oxygen deprivation. Perhaps he's be a little more understanding if he saw that list in print.
Anyway, keep your chin up, this too shall pass.