My first depression

[Virusbuster]

I'm in my fourth week, and it seems all of the well known side effects of the treatment are parading along one  after another. First it was feeling flu-ish. Then lack of appetite. Nausea. All seasoned with fatigue. But also hyperactive on the good days. It all constitutes a rollercoaster, but only one thing was missing up to this weekend. Depression. The rollercoaster is complete now. Sure, there is room for more, My outlook is a treatement of 72 weeks, since I started with a viral load of almost 14 million copies per mm3. I'm not counting on becoming undetectable in the 12th week. But am I going to put up with this another 68 weeks? Not to mention the withdrawl effects that may occor after that period? Does this justify the less than 50% chance of success? It it really worthwhile to virtually not have a life? I can't plan a thing, I don't have a clue  how I will feel the next day.

Don't get me wrong. I count my blessings. I live a good life in a wealthy country with good health care. I don't have to worry about paying for my treatemet, being fired, or being cut on my salary if I can't work enough. I have friends who care about me. But when I feel depressed as I do now, it all seems so utterly meaningless. Yesterday and today I cried several times, out of desperation. I simply want to get out of this rollercoaster. Tonight, while I forced myself to get out and buy some food at supermarket, I wondered how it would be to jump into the river and let myself float calmly  in the cold water towards the sea. Not that I actually considered doing so. Just the idea felt oddly peaceful to me. It should have scared me, but it didn't. I can't trust my feelings anymore...

[kittyface]

I forgot to recommend Reglan for nausea.  It's cheap with no sx.  I know you probably don't want to add more drugs but this tx can be brutal and the helper drugs will increase your chances of sticking with it.   You don't have to suffer with everything.

Kittyface

[kittyface]

Antidepressants are your friends while on this tx.  You may feel good now but it's highly likely you'll have more depressive episodes.  They take a while to work so please consider starting them.  You probably won't even notice any AD side effects because the tx sx are so bad.

I only did 48 weeks with a much higher vl than you, over 50 million, and geno 1 also.  I cleared at week 9 and will do a 12 week post tx test in 2 months.  As others have stated, monitor your viral load decline frequently.  You may clear sooner than you think and may not be staring 72 weeks in the face.

Drink lots of water!!  This can't be overstated enough.

I wish you the best,

Kittyface

[jdwithhcv]

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.  Like you, I had good days following shot days.  Two or three days post shot were when I got hit hard by side effects.  I hope your PCR comes back soon and that the news is good.

jd

[Virusbuster]

I talked to my doc today, and she also told me that ADs are an option for me to consider. Update: Today was a really great day. My depression has tapered off the past days, and it's fully gone now. Hence, before I start any ADs I prefer to see how this will hold. However, if it happens again, I think I will start taking them.

Funny, looking back at my first five shots, the day after the shot was usually one of the better ones.

[Magnum]

After 4 failed treatment attempts, I consider myself very lucky not to have had depression. However, I had rage and uncontrolled anger at times. What I did then, is to be think of the fact that I was thankful I was being treated. If you think of the alternative and not do anything, to me that's more of a concern than depression. That line of thinking got me through some very brutal times. So brutal I eventually couldn't get out of bed. At that point, I knew I had had enough...

Obviously you will know when you've had enough, but if you can overcome the hump and get into the groove of treatment (although it may be nasty), the reward could very well be clearance. I hope for the best for you...

Magnum

[Rain6866]

I knew myself to well before I started tx. I read and read on this board and learned many things. I was put on Celexa a couple months before I started treatment. I had been diagnosed with depression before. It takes a few weeks for some ADs to actually start working so I suggest you talk to your doc asap.
I am on shot #4 on Tuesday. This was a hard week, last week was easy so Im not quiet sure which way I am heading but I know that my AD is with me. A lot of people are scared of ADs but prior use assured me that theres no harm there. I see an AD as a rescue drug for depression. Just do a  lot of reading and trust in anything Bill has to say lol..

Good luck with Tx and SX Im right on your heels!!