My first depression

[Virusbuster]

I'm in my fourth week, and it seems all of the well known side effects of the treatment are parading along one  after another. First it was feeling flu-ish. Then lack of appetite. Nausea. All seasoned with fatigue. But also hyperactive on the good days. It all constitutes a rollercoaster, but only one thing was missing up to this weekend. Depression. The rollercoaster is complete now. Sure, there is room for more, My outlook is a treatement of 72 weeks, since I started with a viral load of almost 14 million copies per mm3. I'm not counting on becoming undetectable in the 12th week. But am I going to put up with this another 68 weeks? Not to mention the withdrawl effects that may occor after that period? Does this justify the less than 50% chance of success? It it really worthwhile to virtually not have a life? I can't plan a thing, I don't have a clue  how I will feel the next day.

Don't get me wrong. I count my blessings. I live a good life in a wealthy country with good health care. I don't have to worry about paying for my treatemet, being fired, or being cut on my salary if I can't work enough. I have friends who care about me. But when I feel depressed as I do now, it all seems so utterly meaningless. Yesterday and today I cried several times, out of desperation. I simply want to get out of this rollercoaster. Tonight, while I forced myself to get out and buy some food at supermarket, I wondered how it would be to jump into the river and let myself float calmly  in the cold water towards the sea. Not that I actually considered doing so. Just the idea felt oddly peaceful to me. It should have scared me, but it didn't. I can't trust my feelings anymore...

[jankar]

Yes, it can vary from day to day but it might not go away and then things could get bad .  I didn't want to take AD's either, I was scared but the drugs we are on are pretty ehavy duty and take a lot out of us physically and mentally. - I have never really been depressed in my life so couldn't believe that could happen to me.

Now at Week 26 my mood is usually good but the anxiety can get me if I have any extra stressors, so I keep them to a minimum. If I can - sometimes I cannot control the external ones.

The meltdown - I was never suicidal but had really weird mood things that I didn't understand, extreme anxiety, heavy limbs, noise seemed extreme, crying at work in a meeting and with my boss in a very weird way that was unreasonable.  I was sent to a psychiatrist and he said it was the beginning of a mood disorder caused by the medication. He said it wasn't yet really bad but it felt awful to me and he prescribed Citilopram and Lorazapam.

It was good going to the psychiatrist because he told me I wasn't going mad, it was just the medication, which relieved me a lot. It took two weeks to start to feel better and 6 to 8 weeks to feel good.  It also helped relieve the sx of the medication as they can seem somewhat similar - tired, heavy limbs.

Please go to see your dr asap as they really can help.  I am happy to hear your HIV results - must make you want to continue, getting good results like that.  Those are the sort of things that keep us all going.

[Virusbuster]

I just got up and my depression seems to have faded overnight. Is it normal that it comes and goes like that? I hear all you guys about AD's, and I will discuss it with my doc, but it feels like a big step to me.

Yes, the interferon is helpful to suppress my HIV, in fact, it was one of the reasons to start. It was hard to push my HIV to undetectable with my current meds (Truvada + Kaletra), and the interferon gave the extra push needed. At 2 weeks my HIV was UND already (it was at 340 copies/mm3 at T = 0w).  Of course, that was very good news for me.

If I may ask, how bad was your meltdown at week 10?

[jankar]

Take the AD's - they will really help.  I should have started taking them about Week 4 and waited until I had a meltdown in Week 10.  Don't do that to yourself - it was ugly.  I am still on AD's, have Lorazapam when things are really tough that I don't really need much and also take Zoplicone to sleep.  I am Week 26 of 48 and would not have come this far without the help of these meds. My mood remains quite good now although I do have a tendency to get stressed and anxious but I am managing quite well with the meds. I had horrible symptoms for the first 12 weeks but feeling a lot better now - it did seem to get better with me.  It is worth doing what you can to keep on treating because it is the only type of effective treatment you can do and treating the HCV will help with the HIV, in my opinion although I am not a doctor.  Your odds get better the longer you can manage the treatment.  I drink lots of water - about 3 litres a day. Take care and best of luck.

[Virusbuster]

Do note, I'm also have HIV, and the protocol is taylored to HIV and HCV co-infection. Oh, did I mention earlier that my chance of success was 50%?  My memory is playing tricks, for genotype 1 HCV/HIV co-infected people it's a lousy 30% successrate.

[Virusbuster]

I will definately discuss it with my doc. And yes, I feel very welcome. Thank you guys, it does make a difference.

[FlGuy]

It's good that you have such a schedule. And although I'm a proponent of aggressive treatment once the comittment is made, I'm curious about the 'if not zero by week 4 do 72'.  I could more easily understand at week 8 and very much so at week 12.  Good luck.