My wife wants me to be well. Please advise.

[52TELE]

Hey gang , how are you guys fixed for spousal advice?

When I started treatment in March , my wife made me promise that I would always be completely honest with her about how treatment is going and how I really felt , good or bad. I have pretty much stayed with that up until now. We had a talk on Saturday about how "negative" I am about treatment , side effects and potential results of the treatment. I don't think she wants me to be completely honest anymore.
I am always , or mostly always upbeat with my son. I don't want him ,as a 15 year old to have to worry about his old man to much and with my wife I pretty much tell it like it is. When she said "completely honest", I don't think she was anticipating how bad it could get. The problem is/has become, that when she says "how are you", she doesn't want me to just say "fine", she wants me to BE fine. She obviously wants me to participate in family activity a little more , go places with her a little more , try and enjoy my life a little more , etc..etc...

I'm afraid that if I start "being fine" , she is going to have me off doing things that I really don't feel I'm up to and the problem is that is how I feel pretty much all the time. I'm not saying that I just sit in the house and do nothing , I do the best I can , but I'm thinking I'm going to need to do more.

Question: How guilty should I feel about not being able to provide my wife with the companionship she needs and am I being selfish for not wanting to be out and away from my house more?

Please , your honest opinions.

[tulsatime]

Way to go, I am so glad to hear you are feeling so good!
We need to hear those things. Have fun on vacation!

[fishdoc]

OK, so essentially your saying there is life at the end of the tunnel, not a mach truck?  Thanks, believe me brother, we need to hear that every day..... take care,
consuelo dos gatos

[returntosender]

Really good post and replies.  After a year on tx and recovering from treatment I can safely state that if it lasted one more day, both my wife and my partner at work would have shot me dead and lined up to pee on my grave - there would have been some long lines brother!  

I was sick and miserable and mean and everything else that goes along with this tx - and I had a pretty good time of it by some accounts on this site.  I had no idea of how mean I had become until I finished it.  By that time, everyone forgot about the fact that I was treating and decided that I was just a mean, ornery, lazy, no-account, complainin, hateful sob.

And I really was and, you know what, its four weeks finished and I have cleaned the attic, garage, backyard, closets, my caseload, my throat - I have thanked my wife, and told her I loved her and noticed her hair and the fact that she lost weight while I was off treating.  We are going on a family vacation and I actually feel like doing it!  I havent felt like doing anything for three or four years!  I called my friends and I can actually listen without getting dizzy and I am interested as Oprah in what they are saying!  I am nice as friggin pie and and everyone has forgotten about that guy who layed on the couch and yelled at the commercials.  Just got to get through it somehow 52, you just have to get through it.  You know what I started doing at the end - I would print out posts from this forum that I thought reflected the way I felt - lot of riba rage posts.  I figured that maybe if my wife read something - cause I was unable to communicate - it  would help.  It didnt, she tossed them.  Worth a try anyway.

[tulsatime]

Hey I enjoyed this thread, so much is true. No one else but someone that has gone through this, will know what we feel. The mental part as well as physical. The best thing is to not push yourself and don't feel guilty about taking time for you. Be honest with your partner. We will be ourselves again and life will return to normial. Some sooner than others. But in the mean time we have each other to vent our concerns and ask for advice. Take care and God bless us all

[Paris47]

Wow, this hits home, and I certainly can use this advise too.
Thanks for a wonderful post and wonderful suggestions.

[fishdoc]

OK, lets be real.  We have been married a long time, most of us? If the shoe were on the other foot, we'd have to just shoot em to put them out of our misery, cause we know men don't handle sick worth a ****, whether they're the sick ones, or we are, they are not nurturers so it is harder for them to be supportive, at least thats my opinion.  Don't believe me: holler honey will you come look at my rash again......was that the screen door slammin...