My wife wants me to be well. Please advise.

[52TELE]

Hey gang , how are you guys fixed for spousal advice?

When I started treatment in March , my wife made me promise that I would always be completely honest with her about how treatment is going and how I really felt , good or bad. I have pretty much stayed with that up until now. We had a talk on Saturday about how "negative" I am about treatment , side effects and potential results of the treatment. I don't think she wants me to be completely honest anymore.
I am always , or mostly always upbeat with my son. I don't want him ,as a 15 year old to have to worry about his old man to much and with my wife I pretty much tell it like it is. When she said "completely honest", I don't think she was anticipating how bad it could get. The problem is/has become, that when she says "how are you", she doesn't want me to just say "fine", she wants me to BE fine. She obviously wants me to participate in family activity a little more , go places with her a little more , try and enjoy my life a little more , etc..etc...

I'm afraid that if I start "being fine" , she is going to have me off doing things that I really don't feel I'm up to and the problem is that is how I feel pretty much all the time. I'm not saying that I just sit in the house and do nothing , I do the best I can , but I'm thinking I'm going to need to do more.

Question: How guilty should I feel about not being able to provide my wife with the companionship she needs and am I being selfish for not wanting to be out and away from my house more?

Please , your honest opinions.

[Alady1620]

LOL... You sound like me earlier today.

[fishdoc]

Hey I'm with you, here a ****, there a ****, everywhere a crapcrap..... I've got to where when the boss walks in I wail "leave me aaallloooonnnnneeeeee".... hubby is OK, but he's being good.... don't ask about the day he said the wrong thing... evil morph....

[amirtracy]

Hey girls, if the shoe were on the other foot and it was hubby instead of me txing...i'd take it and deal with it. Like he does. Like you should. A famous poet from the 60's named Jagger said it best. "You can't always get what you want..."

[fishdoc]

OK, lets be real.  We have been married a long time, most of us? If the shoe were on the other foot, we'd have to just shoot em to put them out of our misery, cause we know men don't handle sick worth a ****, whether they're the sick ones, or we are, they are not nurturers so it is harder for them to be supportive, at least thats my opinion.  Don't believe me: holler honey will you come look at my rash again......was that the screen door slammin...

[Paris47]

Wow, this hits home, and I certainly can use this advise too.
Thanks for a wonderful post and wonderful suggestions.

[tulsatime]

Hey I enjoyed this thread, so much is true. No one else but someone that has gone through this, will know what we feel. The mental part as well as physical. The best thing is to not push yourself and don't feel guilty about taking time for you. Be honest with your partner. We will be ourselves again and life will return to normial. Some sooner than others. But in the mean time we have each other to vent our concerns and ask for advice. Take care and God bless us all