Aa
My wife wants me to be well. Please advise.
Hey gang , how are you guys fixed for spousal advice?
When I started treatment in March , my wife made me promise that I would always be completely honest with her about how treatment is going and how I really felt , good or bad. I have pretty much stayed with that up until now. We had a talk on Saturday about how "negative" I am about treatment , side effects and potential results of the treatment. I don't think she wants me to be completely honest anymore.
I am always , or mostly always upbeat with my son. I don't want him ,as a 15 year old to have to worry about his old man to much and with my wife I pretty much tell it like it is. When she said "completely honest", I don't think she was anticipating how bad it could get. The problem is/has become, that when she says "how are you", she doesn't want me to just say "fine", she wants me to BE fine. She obviously wants me to participate in family activity a little more , go places with her a little more , try and enjoy my life a little more , etc..etc...
I'm afraid that if I start "being fine" , she is going to have me off doing things that I really don't feel I'm up to and the problem is that is how I feel pretty much all the time. I'm not saying that I just sit in the house and do nothing , I do the best I can , but I'm thinking I'm going to need to do more.
Question: How guilty should I feel about not being able to provide my wife with the companionship she needs and am I being selfish for not wanting to be out and away from my house more?
Please , your honest opinions.
When I started treatment in March , my wife made me promise that I would always be completely honest with her about how treatment is going and how I really felt , good or bad. I have pretty much stayed with that up until now. We had a talk on Saturday about how "negative" I am about treatment , side effects and potential results of the treatment. I don't think she wants me to be completely honest anymore.
I am always , or mostly always upbeat with my son. I don't want him ,as a 15 year old to have to worry about his old man to much and with my wife I pretty much tell it like it is. When she said "completely honest", I don't think she was anticipating how bad it could get. The problem is/has become, that when she says "how are you", she doesn't want me to just say "fine", she wants me to BE fine. She obviously wants me to participate in family activity a little more , go places with her a little more , try and enjoy my life a little more , etc..etc...
I'm afraid that if I start "being fine" , she is going to have me off doing things that I really don't feel I'm up to and the problem is that is how I feel pretty much all the time. I'm not saying that I just sit in the house and do nothing , I do the best I can , but I'm thinking I'm going to need to do more.
Question: How guilty should I feel about not being able to provide my wife with the companionship she needs and am I being selfish for not wanting to be out and away from my house more?
Please , your honest opinions.
Said: I still get short tempered at times I
Riba rage my friend - happens to us ALL. It's AMAZING how short tempered we are huh?
Riba rage my friend - happens to us ALL. It's AMAZING how short tempered we are huh?
Well my own personal rule that I set up in the very beginning is this - DAY OF REST DAY ON SATURDAY, no matter WHAT. I call it "day after treatment rest day" and that is ALL I do, whether I am dying or not. I told everyone that because treatment is so hard and draining on the body that even if I wasn't particularly having horrible sides AT THAT MOMENT...my body still needed nothing more in this world than REST and it was ESSENTIAL that on the weekends that is what I do. I sorted of hinted like it was the doctors advice.
That way EVERY weekend I am free and clearr. If I do feel well I get up a LITTLE bit but I do NOT want to lose this PRIVALEGE so I try not to.
Is that selfish? Yes. But tx is very hard and honestly people are tired of me saying how I REALLY feel. They don't want to hear it at all anymore (believe me after 40 weeks...they are like oh shut up already get your own cup of tea - when in the beginning it was oh please let me help you!" LOL)
To me rest is the most crucial element. Getting GOOD REST on the weekends ennables me to come in to work all week long. So that is how I play it.
It's amazing how much ADDItioNAL junk we have to worry about during tx huh?
The doctors never tell us about it all I tell you that (but then they haven't done tx so they don't KNOW!)
That way EVERY weekend I am free and clearr. If I do feel well I get up a LITTLE bit but I do NOT want to lose this PRIVALEGE so I try not to.
Is that selfish? Yes. But tx is very hard and honestly people are tired of me saying how I REALLY feel. They don't want to hear it at all anymore (believe me after 40 weeks...they are like oh shut up already get your own cup of tea - when in the beginning it was oh please let me help you!" LOL)
To me rest is the most crucial element. Getting GOOD REST on the weekends ennables me to come in to work all week long. So that is how I play it.
It's amazing how much ADDItioNAL junk we have to worry about during tx huh?
The doctors never tell us about it all I tell you that (but then they haven't done tx so they don't KNOW!)
Really good post topic I haven't seen much here relationships while on treatment. Not easy for sure. Not sure I have any anwsers myself as I tend to have a lot of guilt even in the best of times. Not sure anything I do is enough for myself or anyone else in my life.
I know I have tried to be honest with my girlfriend, we live together, as I have beens going through tx. Not sure how much it helps/hurts. Just cuase she knows and even understands what I am going through it doesn't make it easier for either of us. I still get short tempered at times I am not there emotionaly as much as I was pre-tx. As hard as this is for us I think we have to understand that it is not easy for our spouses either they feel fine, they want to have a life, they want to continue doing everything they have always done. I try not to be a lump on a log pitch in when I can go out if it is simple and I have stopped feeling guilty when I feel the need to crawl into bed and djust watch tv.
Like I said I have no anwsers myself but am interested in reading what everyone else has to say on the topic
I know I have tried to be honest with my girlfriend, we live together, as I have beens going through tx. Not sure how much it helps/hurts. Just cuase she knows and even understands what I am going through it doesn't make it easier for either of us. I still get short tempered at times I am not there emotionaly as much as I was pre-tx. As hard as this is for us I think we have to understand that it is not easy for our spouses either they feel fine, they want to have a life, they want to continue doing everything they have always done. I try not to be a lump on a log pitch in when I can go out if it is simple and I have stopped feeling guilty when I feel the need to crawl into bed and djust watch tv.
Like I said I have no anwsers myself but am interested in reading what everyone else has to say on the topic
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