week 4 and turning into a monster

[almanu]

hi well shot 4 tomorrow, and to be honest im turning into a monster.im a grumpy old sod at the best of times, just the last maybe 2 weeks ive started to notice how much of an a55 hole im turning into,he slightest thing will send me off on one,i had a shakey start then everything was fine when i started drinking loads of water, then last week i had a panic attack.wtf my mam had them there the most scary thing thats ever happened to me and ive been in war zones lol.ive never experianced anything like it.i tought i was having a heart attack.my doc is extreamly happy with the way my meds a working so at least thats somthing, i just want to know is anybody having trouble this early,i really tought nothing would really happen for a couple of months or so.i really dont want to  go out or nothing ,i missecd mi eldezt suns gealic football training last monday for the first time ever.im finding myself saying sorry to my wife every few hours also.somtimes even when ive not been an a55 hole just in case.to be on the safe side like.ill be really tired at 9pm then go to bed just to lie awake for hours.im really not one to moan or complain i hate all that **** tbh but here and with my doc is the only place i can say how i feel, i guess im trying to be the strong man type of idiot,i guess im not really a good a patiant as i tought i was ,god week 4 and im crying like a biacth.my doctor is suggesting anti depressents and im like dam it took me 18 years to get clean from drugs and now i got to take them to feel normal again ,im like explaining my view on me taking tablets to my doctor and agghhh i dont know anymore im very confused.any advice or help  would be great, does anyone else feel like this after week four, i really feel such a baby i really do

[redrodeo]

If you're getting that way now ,just think about what a peach you will be in another few months.  I've been clean for over 12 years and I didn't hesistate to take AD and pain pills and sleeping pills. Give yourself a break. This is serious medication you're taking. I finished my tour of duty in may and am still trying to recover. Fortunetly the tx worked.
Lots of times my young son got alot of my rage, he didn't deserve it. Now I feel guilty about that. I didn't care about yelling at strangers, but family thats another thing.
Red

[dointime]

The tx drugs are quite definitely in the 'altered-state-of-consciousness' category, so  your previous experience with mind-altering drugs and of being in a war zone should come in handy.  Most times doctors really don't explain that to people so they don't know what to expect.  They tell you that you might get 'depressed' but based on my experiences 'depressed' does not cover it at all.  

I was lucky during my tx in the sense that I didn't have a partner or a job and therefore I could keep my contact with Other People to a minimum.  I found that Other People were a major danger zone when I was under the influence of tx.  Not only did I have unpleasant encounters with loved ones but the worse was realising later that I had behaved like an a55hole and feeling guilty about it.  Then I'd screw up on the apologising and feel even more guilty.  

So all I can tell you is that what you are feeling is common for tx'ers and unfortunately there's no easy answer.  Some find that anti'ds work for them.  I never went that route, just tried my best to stay away from O.P.

Good luck,
dointime      

[geterdone]

This is about the time the fog glosses over the brain and lets out all kinds of emotions from rage to sadness, and anything can trigger a tear at a drop of a hat and the things that have been locked away the good, the bad and the ugly and will come racing forward and catch you off guard with these meds. The journey dose even out as the meds reach their maximum levels but it is a coaster ride until you get there. Hang in there!

jasper

[epiphiny]

That's a great decision, and I'm guessing you are already starting to feel a bit better.  It's amazing what happens to our minds when we allow ourselves to entertain new possibilities!!  Hang in there and keep us updated.

Keep the faith!
M :)

[almanu]

i like you had a big problem with drugs not so much the alcahol ,im clean years now, im not really worried about relapsing tbh ,im well over that stage in my life, its the people around me that think it might be a problem, ya know the type that no how you feel with out asking you how you feel, the wife mainly.if i feel the same next week im just going to go for it, my mental health is far more important than other peoples fears.
god bless

[comeagain]

On my first tx i had panic attacks the walls was falling over me real scary I also felt evil to the bone if stressed.

This time is not at all like that I thought it was the other brand of medecin that was the course, but know when thinking about it I`m confident that the reason why its so much milder this time is that I´ve been trough it once and i know its gonna be alright, the mind went back to normal in just two weeks after last tx, what a relief that was.

I´ve got some mild stuff for my panicagnesty atarax dont know if it helped maybe a little.

Got in a walley this time around week 30 and now week 33 seems like I´m getting out of it.
My nurse suggested AD , but I`m not to keen on that solution, thats me and if I didn´t took any at the first tx that was 5 times worse i dont see any reason to do it this time either.

I also have a history of heavy drug and alcohol consumtion and one of the biggest hooks
(mentaly) was that I used it mainly as a medecin and a mood changer  i dont wanna take up that pattern which for me could be a risk I think, if starting with AD.

Sometimes I wonder though, if it was stupid of me not to take any at the first tx cause that was really hell.

Any way we all here for you, what ever you decide and don´t be afraid its all gonna get well, although i didn´t clear on first tx I`d felt better then I`ve done in 25years both psysical and mentally ( had a break of 10 months between my treatments).

God bless

ca