I am old enough to know better and to communicate better! I had sex 2 weeks ago with a man I have been seeing off and on over the past 2 years. It is a long distance relationship, we are both in our late 40's. We have had sex about 5 times in the 2 years, and this relationship has been very slow starting and we are both very cautious people when it comes to sharing our feelings, both having been hurt. He is not the best communicator in between visits, but we do text back and forth. He is the only man i have been sexual with in the last 5 years! Each time we have had sex, he has always used condoms, every time...has been very consistent and responsible. This last time, in the heat of the moment, I suggested not using one. We had a 2 second conversation, basically that we agreed to trust each other. Now I realize how silly, especially at our ages, that was. I am trying not to get caught up in self blame as it doesn't help anything! The point is, about a week later I noticed i was very sore on one side of my outer labia, looked, and saw a raised patch with a red ring around it. I went to Planned Parenthood, and am waiting for the culture results, but the Dr. said it looks like Herpes, and her hunch is HSV 1. SHe also said Herpes has been given a "bad rap" in that on the pyramid of STI's, it is one that is better to get than some others..she said she is NOT downplaying the psychological impact however. SHe said it is a very complicated situation as far as When, Who, How, etc. I have not told the man i was with yet, I feel very confused and sad and angry at MYSELF, and him, a little...but also compassionate for both of us. My questions: Am I the carrier and could have gotten it years ago from someone else, and am having a first outbreak?? If so, I need to tell this man I am carrying it!! OR, did this current man give it to me, and if so, did he KNOW he had it, or not?? If he did, should I be angry?? Maybe he is just ignorant or embarrassed about it. Do people ever "wait" to tell someone after they have gotten to know them a little better?? He doesn't communicate with me well until we are in person, and so should i wait and tell him in person, not knowing when out next meeting will be?? Or should I write him an email if it looks like we won't be seeing each other very soon?? The last time I heard from him was on Valentine's Day when he emailed me a sweet card, one week after we had been together. I have sent texts since then, but he hasn't responded yet, which is sometimes just how he is. But I am getting paranoid that maybe he also got blisters and is freaked out and is avoiding me, IF i somehow gave it to HIM!! HELP!! I need clarity and advice from others experience!! thanks!!!