Aa
Scared to tell
My husband decided he wants a divorce. He is the only person I have ever told I have genital herpes. He has it now and finds it easy to break the news to people, but I don't as his initial response was cold hearted. How do I disclose this to anyone I may come across in the future?
Genital HSV1 recurs infrequently, has little asymptomatic viral shedding, and appears to be transmitted to sex partners by vaginal sex only rarely.
You don't describe the symptoms of your recent outbreak(s), but if they are not typical (a cluster of obviously visible blisters that become open sores), maybe it isn't herpes. As noted above, outbreaks are rare in most persons with genital HSV1. Also, contrary to common beliefs, there is no scientific evidence that stress causes outbreaks.
The other issues (for herpes, not diabetes) are discussed in detail in the resources already suggested. Spend some time on the Westover and ASHA websites and get one or both books. When you finally understand the advice above and all the facts about genital HSV1, you will also understand that there is no good reason to be "really scared". Don't mix up the emotions and your reactions to your marriage breakup with issues around herpes. They aren't the same.
You don't describe the symptoms of your recent outbreak(s), but if they are not typical (a cluster of obviously visible blisters that become open sores), maybe it isn't herpes. As noted above, outbreaks are rare in most persons with genital HSV1. Also, contrary to common beliefs, there is no scientific evidence that stress causes outbreaks.
The other issues (for herpes, not diabetes) are discussed in detail in the resources already suggested. Spend some time on the Westover and ASHA websites and get one or both books. When you finally understand the advice above and all the facts about genital HSV1, you will also understand that there is no good reason to be "really scared". Don't mix up the emotions and your reactions to your marriage breakup with issues around herpes. They aren't the same.
Thank you. I have HSV1, I am experiencing reoccurring outbreaks for the first time in years. I contribute it to the stress of the divorce and family issues as I have been without an outbreak for 3 of the 5 years I've had it.
At first I was even scared to tell my new doctor, but I know it was something that had to be done. She made me feel comforted in sharing my ailment, where so many do not. I get treatment at the first sign of any infection and am careful not to have sex when showing symptoms.
I don't see myself dating anyone in the near future, and fray away from the thought as potential partners have walked away from the hypothetical of being with someone who has HSV1. I have always asked people in the since of "what if.... Would you be with me/ still be with me" and I have never gotten a direct yes, or that it doesn't matter because they love me.
When I was first diagnosed, I felt as if I would be alone forever because of the virus, and then my husband accepted me. I felt like I was able to breathe and had the courage to love again. When he brought up divorce, those feelings rushed back and I am crushed with the thoughts of being alone again, or opening myself up to another person, in fear of being hurt, or that they will not accept me and my condition.
At this point in my life I am not just looking for someone to go to bed with, but someone worth longevity. To make matters worse I am also a type 1 diabetic. This is a lot to live with personally and asking someone to go the journey with me is scary!
Is there a community of people with herpes I can choose from if ever I do decide to date again to make things easier?
All in all, I'm just really scared!
At first I was even scared to tell my new doctor, but I know it was something that had to be done. She made me feel comforted in sharing my ailment, where so many do not. I get treatment at the first sign of any infection and am careful not to have sex when showing symptoms.
I don't see myself dating anyone in the near future, and fray away from the thought as potential partners have walked away from the hypothetical of being with someone who has HSV1. I have always asked people in the since of "what if.... Would you be with me/ still be with me" and I have never gotten a direct yes, or that it doesn't matter because they love me.
When I was first diagnosed, I felt as if I would be alone forever because of the virus, and then my husband accepted me. I felt like I was able to breathe and had the courage to love again. When he brought up divorce, those feelings rushed back and I am crushed with the thoughts of being alone again, or opening myself up to another person, in fear of being hurt, or that they will not accept me and my condition.
At this point in my life I am not just looking for someone to go to bed with, but someone worth longevity. To make matters worse I am also a type 1 diabetic. This is a lot to live with personally and asking someone to go the journey with me is scary!
Is there a community of people with herpes I can choose from if ever I do decide to date again to make things easier?
All in all, I'm just really scared!
I understand your concern. Life360 is partly right, though -- don't get too freaked out. Most of the sorts of guys you might want to partner with should be understanding and will know genital herpes isn't always a big disaster (unlike your husband, it seems). The important things are 1) to be honest and let them know of your infection before sexual intimacy (and not at the last minute when things are getting hot); 2) take suppressive therapy to help prevent transmission; and 3) use condoms consistently.
All this assumes your genital herpes is due to HSV2. If HSV1, there is probably little risk of transmitting to future partners -- a very big difference compared with HSV2.
Excellent resources are available to help you plan your future dating life with herpes. Check out the excellent herpes handbook available at no cost at www.westoverhights.com, written by Terri Warren, moderator of MedHelp's now closed herpes expert forum; or Managing Herpes, a book by Ebel and Wald, two very respected herpes experts -- available from the American Sexual Health Association (www.ashasexualhealth.org) or at Amazon. Both the ASHA and Westover websites also have excellent information.
Best wishes and good luck!
All this assumes your genital herpes is due to HSV2. If HSV1, there is probably little risk of transmitting to future partners -- a very big difference compared with HSV2.
Excellent resources are available to help you plan your future dating life with herpes. Check out the excellent herpes handbook available at no cost at www.westoverhights.com, written by Terri Warren, moderator of MedHelp's now closed herpes expert forum; or Managing Herpes, a book by Ebel and Wald, two very respected herpes experts -- available from the American Sexual Health Association (www.ashasexualhealth.org) or at Amazon. Both the ASHA and Westover websites also have excellent information.
Best wishes and good luck!
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
