Aa
not dealing with genital hsv 1 very well
hi anyone out there with genital hsv 1? im having a very verrry hard time with having this, i am very depressed and dont know if i am gonna get over it. its been a while i dont know why im so upset now. im having suicidal thoughts because i cant see myself getting out of this depression or living a normal life at only 20 years old with this. someone please help
Best Answer
i dont know what your situation is but i really doubt it can get any worst than mine. the only thing i can tell you is that is not the end of the world. i know exactly what it feels like when i first found out i might have it (because i still dont know my results) more like HSV II i staryed locked in my room 6 days only ate about 3 times. i've lost like 10lbs already. I started reading so many different websites because i was loosing it. when i came to realize more people than what you know have it :s i mean is really hard to deal with it. im not only dealing with this now but my bf of almost 4yrs dumped me after finding out i might have been the one to transmit it. neither of us have accurate results but it's been 2 weeks and we are facing the idea the we are part of a different community now. If you need someone to talk to let me know because i am also finding it very difficult....
Hey guys,
Its definitely not the end of the world. I totally understand what you are going through. I've had the virus for about 7 or 8 years now. At first, I had outbreaks like two to three times a year for the first couple of years and now usually only get them once a year. And during the times that I don't have the outbreaks I feel pretty normal and as if I don't have it. But when I do get an outbreak, oh my god...I get soooo depressed. Which is probably what you guys might experience too. So keep in mind that you will get better emotionally in between out breaks, but during them you may get a little depressed again. I think the scariest thing for me is the idea of possibly spreading it on myself to different parts of the body, but from what I'm learning thats really unlikely. Just don't touch the area that is infected mainly during an outbreak, and of course wash your hands if you do. I haven't yet spread it to any partners that I have had. And the one that I'm with now I've been with for just under 7 years I guess and he knows I have it. I'm very lucky there.
I'm a little sceptical about the possibility of spreading it when there are no signs or symptoms. You know how they say its possible to spread it even without signs? Well, I guess thats possible but I'm not sure I believe it. I think the people who say they had no signs are people who just didn't realize that "itch" or that "tingle" was a sign of herpes. So as long as you become aware of your symptoms, then you should feel mostly non contagious during the times that you have no obvious symptoms.
Another thing that I've learned that more women than men have herpes. In other words its a little harder for a women to spread to a man than a man spreading it to a woman and thats because women have more body fluid down there for the virus to get in.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this helped at all, but I'm here if anyone wants to talk. Don't hurt yourself over this because eventually it will become manageable.
One more thing, the best way to be tested for herpes is through a blood test, that is how I was diagnosed.
The best website to go to for information that is most accurate is cdc.gov
Its definitely not the end of the world. I totally understand what you are going through. I've had the virus for about 7 or 8 years now. At first, I had outbreaks like two to three times a year for the first couple of years and now usually only get them once a year. And during the times that I don't have the outbreaks I feel pretty normal and as if I don't have it. But when I do get an outbreak, oh my god...I get soooo depressed. Which is probably what you guys might experience too. So keep in mind that you will get better emotionally in between out breaks, but during them you may get a little depressed again. I think the scariest thing for me is the idea of possibly spreading it on myself to different parts of the body, but from what I'm learning thats really unlikely. Just don't touch the area that is infected mainly during an outbreak, and of course wash your hands if you do. I haven't yet spread it to any partners that I have had. And the one that I'm with now I've been with for just under 7 years I guess and he knows I have it. I'm very lucky there.
I'm a little sceptical about the possibility of spreading it when there are no signs or symptoms. You know how they say its possible to spread it even without signs? Well, I guess thats possible but I'm not sure I believe it. I think the people who say they had no signs are people who just didn't realize that "itch" or that "tingle" was a sign of herpes. So as long as you become aware of your symptoms, then you should feel mostly non contagious during the times that you have no obvious symptoms.
Another thing that I've learned that more women than men have herpes. In other words its a little harder for a women to spread to a man than a man spreading it to a woman and thats because women have more body fluid down there for the virus to get in.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this helped at all, but I'm here if anyone wants to talk. Don't hurt yourself over this because eventually it will become manageable.
One more thing, the best way to be tested for herpes is through a blood test, that is how I was diagnosed.
The best website to go to for information that is most accurate is cdc.gov
how can someone break up with you after 4 years, that is my biggest fear . you cant turn love off because of a common virus. i just dont understand. i have type 1 and didnt get another outbreak for 3.5 years, i thikn thats why im so upset because i almost forgot about it. im having suicidal thoughts and im really scared im not gonna pull myself out of this.
i really appreciate you telling us your story it is very inspiring at a time like this. im still not sure if i am hsv + or not i mean my x bf showed some symptoms of it. he hasnt gotten tested yet. at first it hit me pretty hard because i wasnt aware of anything. only when his 'outbreak" came out. i then confessed to him i had cheated on him about a year ago. he didnt know how to handle the situation and just broke things off with me. so not only did we end our relationship but now i myself and him as well might be hsv + he claims he never cheated on me. so i guess it makes me feel worst and guilty ... now my question to you since you have been with it for a few years now..... How did it affect your social and dating life? did you tell your partners? how does the one that you are with now knows??
To LovesYou, yes almost 4 years. I dont want to say wasted because i love him very much it;'s been 2 weeks since this whole thing broke out. so it has been very hard for me thats why i tell you you will be ok. From what i have been reading i would suggest just try taking medication for the outbreak and think positive. Read all these stories i mean you are not alone. I think he didnt turn it off because of the virus but mor because i was unfaithful. I told you before if you need someone to talk to just let us know.
To LovesYou, yes almost 4 years. I dont want to say wasted because i love him very much it;'s been 2 weeks since this whole thing broke out. so it has been very hard for me thats why i tell you you will be ok. From what i have been reading i would suggest just try taking medication for the outbreak and think positive. Read all these stories i mean you are not alone. I think he didnt turn it off because of the virus but mor because i was unfaithful. I told you before if you need someone to talk to just let us know.
please contact your local suicide hot line for support!! I know I reported your status update to the moderators last night - please follow up with their recommendations if you haven't already. this really isn't a herpes issue - it's a depression issue.
Sorry to hear that your partner and you broke up. heart break hurts like hell no matter what the reason for the break up :( Depression needs dealt with and isn't something to take lightly. If you haven't been to your regular provider yet, give them a call in the morning and make an appointment to be seen to talk about your depression. Do you have a therapist? If not, you really need to find one. Call the hot line tonight, speak to someone and they can hopefully get you an appointment with a therapist soon to start talking about this. Killing yourself is NEVER the answer.
grace
I addressed my post to the person I was responding to who is indeed having suicidal thoughts. please reread the op's posts.
grace
grace
i'm in your shoes right now, i've had the virus for alittle over a year now, i get so ashamed, embrassed & depressed from time to time, i am ashamed to go pick my medicine up from the pharmacy & i'd die if someone found out, i'm now taking Valtrex once daily & it's been keeping the outbreaks at bay. Trust me i have my days where i still can't believe that i have this ? I feel so alone in this
1 Comments
I'm in this situation now. I just got my results. I've never had anything before. The last guy I was with for a very short time I asked if I had anything to worry about. He got really nasty and asked if he had anything to worry about and continued to get really nasty. It's been a month since I've talked to him and I would like to at least tell him; however, I don't feel like being treated like I am the worst person in the world. i had no clue, and I always ask to get tested for everything every year, but I realized they tested me for a large panel, but not this. I have never had any symptoms until the last person I was with. I really try to keep from getting depressed, and I am trying to hold on. This is devastating to me.
hello, well i mean is just difficult i guess. At least you have been dealing with it for a year. im still in the "denial" stage hoping those results come out negative. So you are taking valtrex now once a day? How are your outbreaks , if any?
I have told a couple of people whom i trust and they have been very supportive about it. i dont' want to keep spreading the word tho. i still have no results at hand, even tho my x thinks he has it because of the signs and symptoms. He sort of like hates me right now. but you are not alone. it can be devastating but life goes on, hopefully the find a cure for it soon,. even tho, they say they make too much money off of medications for that which is sad.
I have told a couple of people whom i trust and they have been very supportive about it. i dont' want to keep spreading the word tho. i still have no results at hand, even tho my x thinks he has it because of the signs and symptoms. He sort of like hates me right now. but you are not alone. it can be devastating but life goes on, hopefully the find a cure for it soon,. even tho, they say they make too much money off of medications for that which is sad.
im feeling a little better right now, i seemed to have gotten my physical symptoms under control by taking ativan ( crying, shaking, vomiting). I am trying to think clearly about having genital hsv 1 but im having a hard time grasping it. im upset that my ex has cold sores and goes on with his life with no second thought. im scared im going to start panicking again. this site is really helping me..
I think I may have herpes even though my doctor told me it's balanitis. I don't know but something inside me tells me it might be herpes. I feel completely lost and bad about myself. It's very hard for me to have this fear constantly in my head. I compare myself to my friends (which I suppose they are healthy) and feel awful and all because of my bad decisions.
Anyway, I try not to think about this and try to live my life as normal as possible. I've dicovered that prayer helps me feel better. Also telling my mom helped a bit. If I have herpes I'll do everything to be strong and happy. Please LovesYou, don't kill yourself, instead love yourself and try to make good decisions from now on. There is more to life than genital herpes, sex and embarrasment. Try to live each day knowing that you are not alone. There are millions around the world with this problem and many learn to cope with it. Be one of them.
Anyway, I try not to think about this and try to live my life as normal as possible. I've dicovered that prayer helps me feel better. Also telling my mom helped a bit. If I have herpes I'll do everything to be strong and happy. Please LovesYou, don't kill yourself, instead love yourself and try to make good decisions from now on. There is more to life than genital herpes, sex and embarrasment. Try to live each day knowing that you are not alone. There are millions around the world with this problem and many learn to cope with it. Be one of them.
I would like to comment on a few things here and I say this with all the heart in me. I am thankful that I do not have Herpes. Though while I am saying that I can also speak to the fear and the way I would have felt had I been told that was the case.
Herpes has a social stigma about it because people get the GENITAL side from having sex. We all have sex. Some people don't want to admit it and some do. LovesYou your ex-boyfriend was wrong with what he did. He found it easier to just move on and anyway you go you are ultimately as cliche as this may sound better off without him. I know herpes only because I have been here. Let me tell you if I was dating a girl right now and she said "Hey I have HSV" I would seriously look her in the face and go "Who cares? We just avoid sex during your outbreaks but there is more to our relationship than herpes and sex". Why would *I* do that? Because I know what this virus is. Its a cowardly for the most part harmless skin condition. Genital HSV-1 is of the two genitial types the "better" of the two to have. Because the virus for the most part doesn't shed that often and the risk to your partners is really low.
LovesYou the key to remember here is that you get to move on too like nothing happened. You get to look for a guy that is going to look and be with you not for a virus in your body but for who you are deep down. Which from my perspective you seem to be rather nice and friendly. You get to find the guy that is worth going forward in life and having a great life but you have to move past this stigma. You had sex with a guy you loved. You got a virus big whoop. Some guys can't take that. That's fine let them go. Not worth it because they won't be there when the tough gets going. In a partner we need the stability and knowing that the partner is going to be there for the rest of our lives. When the good times are rolling and when the hard and tough times are hitting us hard.
Finding someone will be easy in time. Right now you need to look up. When one door closes another opens. You need to smile. Smile now! Someone right now who doesn't know it yet will be touched by you. You never know who is looking at you.
Herpes has a social stigma about it because people get the GENITAL side from having sex. We all have sex. Some people don't want to admit it and some do. LovesYou your ex-boyfriend was wrong with what he did. He found it easier to just move on and anyway you go you are ultimately as cliche as this may sound better off without him. I know herpes only because I have been here. Let me tell you if I was dating a girl right now and she said "Hey I have HSV" I would seriously look her in the face and go "Who cares? We just avoid sex during your outbreaks but there is more to our relationship than herpes and sex". Why would *I* do that? Because I know what this virus is. Its a cowardly for the most part harmless skin condition. Genital HSV-1 is of the two genitial types the "better" of the two to have. Because the virus for the most part doesn't shed that often and the risk to your partners is really low.
LovesYou the key to remember here is that you get to move on too like nothing happened. You get to look for a guy that is going to look and be with you not for a virus in your body but for who you are deep down. Which from my perspective you seem to be rather nice and friendly. You get to find the guy that is worth going forward in life and having a great life but you have to move past this stigma. You had sex with a guy you loved. You got a virus big whoop. Some guys can't take that. That's fine let them go. Not worth it because they won't be there when the tough gets going. In a partner we need the stability and knowing that the partner is going to be there for the rest of our lives. When the good times are rolling and when the hard and tough times are hitting us hard.
Finding someone will be easy in time. Right now you need to look up. When one door closes another opens. You need to smile. Smile now! Someone right now who doesn't know it yet will be touched by you. You never know who is looking at you.
good reply mistakeguy !
ive been with my boyfriend nearly two yrs and hes known from the start that i have hsv 2 hes really accepted it and looks for cures or helps more than i do it does effect or sex life but we both just know to not have sex when there are signs or symptoms and we always have protected sex {using a condom} dont get me wrong it can be pretty stressful at times and we do argue over it but because we love eachother we just move through it, i hope things get better for all of us soon im still suffering regular outbrakes one of which i got cultivated by my dr a few days ago so its a long ten days before i get some results and hope to be refered to a specialist, i find this site really has helped my alot over this last to weeks and for that i am truly grateful to all the herpes community and thank you all xxxx
ive been with my boyfriend nearly two yrs and hes known from the start that i have hsv 2 hes really accepted it and looks for cures or helps more than i do it does effect or sex life but we both just know to not have sex when there are signs or symptoms and we always have protected sex {using a condom} dont get me wrong it can be pretty stressful at times and we do argue over it but because we love eachother we just move through it, i hope things get better for all of us soon im still suffering regular outbrakes one of which i got cultivated by my dr a few days ago so its a long ten days before i get some results and hope to be refered to a specialist, i find this site really has helped my alot over this last to weeks and for that i am truly grateful to all the herpes community and thank you all xxxx
i really appreciate your advice and i see that many people surprisingly are very supportive about this. which makes us feel better; however i don't think my x really cared too much about the "herpes" it was more like i was unfaithful to him and i lied to him for a whole year before his crazy "outbreak" which lead me to confess that yes i had cheated on him approximately a year ago. i guess sometimes is not about being there thru thick and thin is more of the loyalty. I have told him im sorry about the cheating. i mean we all make huge mistakes in our lives. Probably one of the biggest i have made. We tend to fall and get back up. I think im also not that affected if it turns out that i do have HSV , but more the break up. I guess it kind of all happened at the same time...
I really do appreciate your advice i have to say i totally agree. and if me and him don't fix things hopefully in the future i could find a guy that says: " who cares?" (lol)
And to LovesYou, i am glad you are feeling better about those thoughts.. remember you are not the only one in this situation. it might feel like you are alone but you're not!
I really do appreciate your advice i have to say i totally agree. and if me and him don't fix things hopefully in the future i could find a guy that says: " who cares?" (lol)
And to LovesYou, i am glad you are feeling better about those thoughts.. remember you are not the only one in this situation. it might feel like you are alone but you're not!
Have you had any signs or symptoms of an outbreak? If not, then I wouldn't stress over it. There is a good chance that you don't have it.
I knew instantly when I had the first sign of hsv that I had it. It started out very small. But I knew what it was. I was in a little denial over it for the longest time. I didn't ignore it, but inbetween outbreaks I would feel so normal that I would say to myself "well maybe I don't really have this". I was tested twice with the swab test during two different outbreaks. The first time, it came out negative, I was so relieved but at the same time I knew it was wrong. That was during the first out break. About a year later I went and got swabbed again and never went back for the results. I was just embarrassed and in denial. I didn't want to be told that I had this even though I already knew. I didn't want it to be confirmed. Anyway a little over three years ago I found out that I was pregnant, and was so freaked out. I was freaked out because I didn't want to risk passing it to my baby and I didn't want to risk having a c section. So I told my new dr that I thought I might have this virus and so they gave me a blood test which is where they look for antibodies for the virus. And sure enough it was positive. I knew it but somehow was in hopes of being told different. I ended up miscarrying, but they assured me that it had nothing to do with hsv. I tried to get pregnant again and did, the time before was accidental not planned. This was the first time I ever went on meds for hsv, and that was at the last month of my pregnancy. I was able to give birth to my now 1 and a half year old little girl naturally and was able to breast feed too. So there is hope to having a somewhat normal life.
I’ve been with two guys since getting this virus. The first guy, I never told. We dated for almost 2 years and he never said anything about anything funny going on, so I think he was ok. I mean I don’t think he ever got it. I always felt guilty not mentioning it, but its so hard to tell someone that you have this. I made sure to pay close attention to my signs and symptoms and just stayed away from the guy during my outbreaks. My outbreaks don’t tend to last very long.
The other guy is my now husband. I’ve always been honest with him about it right from the get go. I had actually contracted this virus during a 2-3 year break in our relationship, so when we got back together I told him about it. It was important to me for him to know because we had history together already. The funny thing about it though, I stress over the whole thing more now since he does know than I ever did with the guy who didn’t know. With the other guy I just felt confident that I wasn’t spreading it. I would never knowingly pass it to someone. I think also because I love my husband very much, and it would really upset me if I knew I spread this to him. He says he doesn’t care, but I think that’s cause he doesn’t know or doesn’t understand what it is to have to deal with it.
I knew instantly when I had the first sign of hsv that I had it. It started out very small. But I knew what it was. I was in a little denial over it for the longest time. I didn't ignore it, but inbetween outbreaks I would feel so normal that I would say to myself "well maybe I don't really have this". I was tested twice with the swab test during two different outbreaks. The first time, it came out negative, I was so relieved but at the same time I knew it was wrong. That was during the first out break. About a year later I went and got swabbed again and never went back for the results. I was just embarrassed and in denial. I didn't want to be told that I had this even though I already knew. I didn't want it to be confirmed. Anyway a little over three years ago I found out that I was pregnant, and was so freaked out. I was freaked out because I didn't want to risk passing it to my baby and I didn't want to risk having a c section. So I told my new dr that I thought I might have this virus and so they gave me a blood test which is where they look for antibodies for the virus. And sure enough it was positive. I knew it but somehow was in hopes of being told different. I ended up miscarrying, but they assured me that it had nothing to do with hsv. I tried to get pregnant again and did, the time before was accidental not planned. This was the first time I ever went on meds for hsv, and that was at the last month of my pregnancy. I was able to give birth to my now 1 and a half year old little girl naturally and was able to breast feed too. So there is hope to having a somewhat normal life.
I’ve been with two guys since getting this virus. The first guy, I never told. We dated for almost 2 years and he never said anything about anything funny going on, so I think he was ok. I mean I don’t think he ever got it. I always felt guilty not mentioning it, but its so hard to tell someone that you have this. I made sure to pay close attention to my signs and symptoms and just stayed away from the guy during my outbreaks. My outbreaks don’t tend to last very long.
The other guy is my now husband. I’ve always been honest with him about it right from the get go. I had actually contracted this virus during a 2-3 year break in our relationship, so when we got back together I told him about it. It was important to me for him to know because we had history together already. The funny thing about it though, I stress over the whole thing more now since he does know than I ever did with the guy who didn’t know. With the other guy I just felt confident that I wasn’t spreading it. I would never knowingly pass it to someone. I think also because I love my husband very much, and it would really upset me if I knew I spread this to him. He says he doesn’t care, but I think that’s cause he doesn’t know or doesn’t understand what it is to have to deal with it.
That was a good post!
I totally agree that there is stigma attached. I feel like if people could just be more opened to learning about it and telling about it, then maybe it would be a little less embarrassing and stressful.
Having this makes you feel yucky about your self. It makes you feel like no one is going to want you. And it kind of makes you affraid of yourself and your own body too.
You are a good guy!
Thanks for that post!
I totally agree that there is stigma attached. I feel like if people could just be more opened to learning about it and telling about it, then maybe it would be a little less embarrassing and stressful.
Having this makes you feel yucky about your self. It makes you feel like no one is going to want you. And it kind of makes you affraid of yourself and your own body too.
You are a good guy!
Thanks for that post!
hey, thanks everyone. mistake guy- my boyfriend didnt break up with me because of this, he has it to. i gave it back to him during my first strong intial outbreak. he wants to be with me but i dont love him anymore. i am really considering going back to him because im having a hard time dealing, hes coming home this weekend and staying with me because hes worried about me- hes a good guy, just not the one for me. would it be terrible if i just settled? seeing as i have no coping skills for this?
(he also could care less that he has it which makes me a little stronger, he gets cold sores too so hes not going to tell anyone he has it genitally, he knows if someone gets it from him its 90% chance they got it from his oral hsv.)
(he also could care less that he has it which makes me a little stronger, he gets cold sores too so hes not going to tell anyone he has it genitally, he knows if someone gets it from him its 90% chance they got it from his oral hsv.)
never, never EVER settle because of your herpes! You have hsv1 genitally. it doesn't shed much and in your age group, 1 out of every 3 people you walk past on the street every single day has it too either orally or genitally! It's incredibly common!!
do you have a therapist? I highly recommend getting one. they'll help you develop good coping skills as well as work with you through the feelings you are having right now. This is not going to be the worst thing that ever happens to you in life. If it turns out that it really was , then you lived a truly blessed life. By the time we make it to the retirement home, 80% of us has hsv1, not many of us make it through life without it. it really isn't the biggest problem you have right now, it's just something very easy for you to focus on while you are feeling low because of the break up.
I'm glad you are feeling better today :) Lean on your friends right now - they understand that break ups aren't easy , even if you did the break up . It's actually a sign of maturity to realize that you don't want to stay in a relationship that isn't right for you :) focus on the positives of that instead of looking at the negatives.
do you have a therapist? I highly recommend getting one. they'll help you develop good coping skills as well as work with you through the feelings you are having right now. This is not going to be the worst thing that ever happens to you in life. If it turns out that it really was , then you lived a truly blessed life. By the time we make it to the retirement home, 80% of us has hsv1, not many of us make it through life without it. it really isn't the biggest problem you have right now, it's just something very easy for you to focus on while you are feeling low because of the break up.
I'm glad you are feeling better today :) Lean on your friends right now - they understand that break ups aren't easy , even if you did the break up . It's actually a sign of maturity to realize that you don't want to stay in a relationship that isn't right for you :) focus on the positives of that instead of looking at the negatives.
I know i shouldnt settle grace, but even being content and safe is a better feeling than im experiencing right now. I also know that about 50% in my age group have it? but they dont have it on their genitals, which means they dont need to tell anyone, and they dont carry a stigma. I am so angry I didnt catch it orally, so angry. my three best friends had it orally in highschool, so did my mom and my dad. I just feel really down and really really angry that i got it this way. i have never not used a condom, i wish i wasnt so ignorant and knew a cold sore could cause this.
LovesYou:
you shouldnt use your ex for comfort either its not fair on him and you have to consider his feelings, you should ask if ye can just be friends and tel him how much you appreciate him and love him but that your not in love with him anymore and hope for the best, i know its hard telling ppl but if you think there's one friend you can trust with this info then thats what friends are for dont lean on your ex lean on a friend x the herpes community will always be here to support you also x
you shouldnt use your ex for comfort either its not fair on him and you have to consider his feelings, you should ask if ye can just be friends and tel him how much you appreciate him and love him but that your not in love with him anymore and hope for the best, i know its hard telling ppl but if you think there's one friend you can trust with this info then thats what friends are for dont lean on your ex lean on a friend x the herpes community will always be here to support you also x
Regardless of who did the break up you never settle. I settled for a wife because I am fat and ugly. I thought who in the world would want a guy that wears size 58 jeans and weighs over 380 pounds? No one would want that. This girl that wants me is all there is out there. I was married for 4 years before she went bi-sexual on me and left me for another woman.
I then dated a girl for about 2 years who went through and was always telling me how wrong I was because I didn't want to drive over to her house every day and see her and how I was the worst person in the world because I left her at home to deal with her ex-bestfriend by herself while I had to move a family member. Yeah... I can go on and that would be a long story.
The point here is you don't settle for anyone. If you can't love the person and the person can't love you back there is no reason to be with that partner. Just isn't worth it. Not for any person or any age group. You deserve to be happy and being happy isn't with that guy.
So 50% have HSV and they have it orally. Guess what? People know when they are having an outbreak and it is apprant that they have herpes. That makes them highly resistant to getting it genitally (for his case it is rare that he would get it in a new spot and the only way to know if it was really herpes was via lesision culture and typing). You have herpes it isn't the end of the dating world. People have it genitally too. Some don't and their risk is low to getting it.
You need to find the guy that accepts you for you. If I had a girlfriend or a girl I liked who said "I have herpes" so what. Doesn't mean you will love me less and doesn't mean we are not going to be happy down the road. That partner is the one you want to be with. Not the guy that just because you got it from him then he is the safest bet. You aren't a walking biohazard for goodness sakes. Trust me there are people out there that once educated they know what to look for and how unserious this is. It isn't like HIV that will eventually lead to some serious life changes. It is a skin condition. Maybe I am weird but you know if I was your boyfriend and I ended up having the virus transmitted to me at least I know I got it from doing something I love to do with the person I love doing it with. Would make it worth it.
Furthermore I strongly agree with grace. This is the time your friends pick ya up. If not you always have us. We will leave the light on for you and grace keeps the fridge stocked with pies and cookies.
I then dated a girl for about 2 years who went through and was always telling me how wrong I was because I didn't want to drive over to her house every day and see her and how I was the worst person in the world because I left her at home to deal with her ex-bestfriend by herself while I had to move a family member. Yeah... I can go on and that would be a long story.
The point here is you don't settle for anyone. If you can't love the person and the person can't love you back there is no reason to be with that partner. Just isn't worth it. Not for any person or any age group. You deserve to be happy and being happy isn't with that guy.
So 50% have HSV and they have it orally. Guess what? People know when they are having an outbreak and it is apprant that they have herpes. That makes them highly resistant to getting it genitally (for his case it is rare that he would get it in a new spot and the only way to know if it was really herpes was via lesision culture and typing). You have herpes it isn't the end of the dating world. People have it genitally too. Some don't and their risk is low to getting it.
You need to find the guy that accepts you for you. If I had a girlfriend or a girl I liked who said "I have herpes" so what. Doesn't mean you will love me less and doesn't mean we are not going to be happy down the road. That partner is the one you want to be with. Not the guy that just because you got it from him then he is the safest bet. You aren't a walking biohazard for goodness sakes. Trust me there are people out there that once educated they know what to look for and how unserious this is. It isn't like HIV that will eventually lead to some serious life changes. It is a skin condition. Maybe I am weird but you know if I was your boyfriend and I ended up having the virus transmitted to me at least I know I got it from doing something I love to do with the person I love doing it with. Would make it worth it.
Furthermore I strongly agree with grace. This is the time your friends pick ya up. If not you always have us. We will leave the light on for you and grace keeps the fridge stocked with pies and cookies.
Thank you for the compliment to my post to you and the others that read it.
The stigma in my view is of sex. We are taught growing up that sex is reserved for "Mommies and Daddies that love each other and are married." As we grow older we learn that for some people Mommy and Daddy played outside of the sandbox before they got married. Even if not we are grown adults and the people we choose to have sex with we are going to have sex with. Until sex is made un taboo (Think of playboy centerfolds) then people will continue to see the stigma attached to it. Slowly people are starting to change because more and more of our younger generations are having sex (see teen pregnancy on the rise).
Let's face it sex is now a part of the pre-marital relations now days. Granted I was engaged when I first had my sexual encounter. However, after my divorce I dated a girl who was 28 and a virgin. We had sex for the first time for her. We ended up breaking up because of other issues but sex is now more a part of dating and compatibility we look for. The other side to it is... It's great (not trying to sound like a perv but).
It makes you feel the way you describe because you let it. Did your body change on the outside when you found you had herpes? No ma'am with all due respect it didn't. You were no different the day before you got it and the day after. The difference is now you get some bumps (painful but isn't having a partner who will help take care of you great) and that is really it. They heal and go on their way. You didn't lose your personality during this time... You lost nothing. Your body didn't get forever mud on it. You are still you. Your body is still your body. Nothing changed. You got a skin condition to which you go through a "bumpy" period a few times out of the year. But the end of all things life changes nothing in who you are.
Mistakes happen (look at my name). We all make them. The difference in a mistake and a personality flaw is what you do after the mistake.
That was a good post!
I totally agree that there is stigma attached. I feel like if people could just be more opened to learning about it and telling about it, then maybe it would be a little less embarrassing and stressful.
Having this makes you feel yucky about your self. It makes you feel like no one is going to want you. And it kind of makes you affraid of yourself and your own body too.
You are a good guy!
Thanks for that post!
The stigma in my view is of sex. We are taught growing up that sex is reserved for "Mommies and Daddies that love each other and are married." As we grow older we learn that for some people Mommy and Daddy played outside of the sandbox before they got married. Even if not we are grown adults and the people we choose to have sex with we are going to have sex with. Until sex is made un taboo (Think of playboy centerfolds) then people will continue to see the stigma attached to it. Slowly people are starting to change because more and more of our younger generations are having sex (see teen pregnancy on the rise).
Let's face it sex is now a part of the pre-marital relations now days. Granted I was engaged when I first had my sexual encounter. However, after my divorce I dated a girl who was 28 and a virgin. We had sex for the first time for her. We ended up breaking up because of other issues but sex is now more a part of dating and compatibility we look for. The other side to it is... It's great (not trying to sound like a perv but).
It makes you feel the way you describe because you let it. Did your body change on the outside when you found you had herpes? No ma'am with all due respect it didn't. You were no different the day before you got it and the day after. The difference is now you get some bumps (painful but isn't having a partner who will help take care of you great) and that is really it. They heal and go on their way. You didn't lose your personality during this time... You lost nothing. Your body didn't get forever mud on it. You are still you. Your body is still your body. Nothing changed. You got a skin condition to which you go through a "bumpy" period a few times out of the year. But the end of all things life changes nothing in who you are.
Mistakes happen (look at my name). We all make them. The difference in a mistake and a personality flaw is what you do after the mistake.
That was a good post!
I totally agree that there is stigma attached. I feel like if people could just be more opened to learning about it and telling about it, then maybe it would be a little less embarrassing and stressful.
Having this makes you feel yucky about your self. It makes you feel like no one is going to want you. And it kind of makes you affraid of yourself and your own body too.
You are a good guy!
Thanks for that post!
70% of people my age with herpes have type 1 genitally? i never thought about it like that. there must be so many people with type 1 genitally living and dating without telling their partners. I ran to my boyfriends house right after i was diagnosed.
i also never thought about having hsv 1 genitally would be better than orally, because of tranmission and occurence rates. its just the stigma of having it genitally thats killing me. the statistic that says 1 in 4 women have genital herpes...is that women who test positive for hsv 2, or women with any form of genital herpes?
but ya, im still sobbing and not getting out of bed, but im feeling a little better, and you guys are helping me so much you dont understand. I know one other person other than my ex with ghsv 1 and he doesnt care he has it eitheir, so he doesnt get why im upset.
i also never thought about having hsv 1 genitally would be better than orally, because of tranmission and occurence rates. its just the stigma of having it genitally thats killing me. the statistic that says 1 in 4 women have genital herpes...is that women who test positive for hsv 2, or women with any form of genital herpes?
but ya, im still sobbing and not getting out of bed, but im feeling a little better, and you guys are helping me so much you dont understand. I know one other person other than my ex with ghsv 1 and he doesnt care he has it eitheir, so he doesnt get why im upset.
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
In your age group, 70% of the people who have genital herpes have hsv1 genitally. it's still very common genitally too.
You have to learn how to deal with life on your own. It's part of growing up. Would you want someone to want to be with you just because it's easier and not because they really wanted to be with you?