Scared & Ashamed... Please Help

[JohnDoe1981]

I'm a 29 year old male with genital herpes, last week I began having unprotected sex with a female partner that was not infected prior to us being together.  During the week we had intercourse a half a dozen times, unprotected.  

At this time and in the weeks prior I was taking a one-a-day generic for Valtrex.

Around the time we began sleeping together I started to notice familiar warning signs of an outbreak. (ie. tingling sensations)  I remained vigilant in my one-a-day therapy but continued to have unprotected sex.

We recently slept together on Monday and Wednesday, it is now Saturday.  I would say Monday I was aware of the sensations, by Wednesday they were not any worse but had been present for a couple of days.  

I did a more thorough check on Thursday morning to find what appeared to be a freckle, as well as what appeared to be the very early stages of a wart.  Thursday afternoon the sensations also became more noticeable. I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion, but with the sensations and my past dealings with this virus that I have had for ten years, I feel confident in my ability to identify it.  On Thursday I doubled my anti-virus doses and have not slept with this girl since Wed. night.  

I think it's also important to mention that I have not been sick in quite some time, I work out very hard on a pretty regular basis, and would not be surprised if my immune system is low.  I'm still able to identify the two spots on the shaft of my penis and they are in the same general vicinity as the tingling sensations.

I'm currently approx. 5 days into the sensations and have been taking 1000-1500 doses of a Valtrex generic for 3 days.  The sensations are still present but the signs on my genitalia appear to be no further advanced.

In fact the the most noticeable spot on the shaft of my penis looks like a freckle.  Just below it is a very tiny spot that also sits along a vein.  Although very small, I thought it showed signs of being a donut shape which is consistent with herpes, but it is not risen from the skin nor is the surrounding skin irritated.  

I'm wondering if the doses of anti-virul could be fighting the virus and not 'killling' it... Just keeping it  in a state of activity on my skin without becoming more aggressive than it currently is?

To the substance of my issue...

I've done a ton of reading the last couple of days and learned what I should have know a long time ago.  I'm familiar with much of what the internet has to offer, (ie. asymptomatic shedding, blood tests, etc.), but I still consider myself extremely ignorant.  

More important I'm absolutely distraught over what I may have done to this girl.  I'm ashamed and scared out of my mind...

I have no idea how to tell her and I don't know who to turn to for answers.  

Any help concerning my situation is greatly appreciated.

A more clearer diagnoses of my symptoms...?

The timing of the situation and the chances that I passed this virus on to her...?  

How to deal moving forward...?

Ultimately... Is there a 'legitimate' chance that we slept together, unprotected, half a dozen times during this type of outbreak and she did not contract the virus?

Thank you very much for your help,

Scared & Ashamed  

[Mistakeguy789]

Well I am a guy but... Honesty is usually the best policy.  At this stage like grace said only time will tell.  But I think the challenge will come up is that you are aware you have it and from the sounds of it you haven't told her about your HSV status.  That is what in her eyes may hurt the most.  Be honest about things and let her ask us questions if she wants as well or have her read the free herpes handbook and look over the patient counseling videos on the West Over Heights clinic website at www.westoverheights.com.  Terri Warren is the Owner of the clinic and also the MedHelp Herpes Expert she is a nurse practitioner and her clinic handles a lot of herpes things.  She also has a book out that you may find interesting and enjoy readings titled "The Good News About The Bad News"  

The only other advice I can give you is guy to guy.  Be ready for the worst.  

[JohnDoe1981]

I forgot to mention that I have not yet told her...

I'm trying to figure out how, tomorrow (Sunday) is probably best.

Any advice on how I tell an innocent 20 year old girl?

I'm at a loss.

From a females perspective maybe you have some 'tact' to offer that I have not considered.

Thanks

  

[gracefromHHP]

only time will tell if she contracted hsv2 from you or not.   It really is as much about bad luck as anything when a partner contracts hsv2.  

[JohnDoe1981]

Thank you Grace for your swift response.

I certainly did not up my dosage to 500mg 2x/day - Starting taking that dosage just yesterday.  Prior to that I remained on just a single 500mg a day.  

I should have understood dosing better... It really hurts knowing that my negligence has created this situation.

I sense from your response that in your opinion the chances that she is infected are...
very possible? Are there situations with this virus that it doesn't transmit or is a situation like this considered a 'sure thing'?

Although I try to remain positive, I am also a realist...

Anything more someone can tell me is greatly appreciated!

[gracefromHHP]

I'd refrain from sex yet for a few more days just to err on the side of caution.

In the future, at the first sign of the tell tale tingle, increase your valtrex dose to 500mg 2x/day for 3 days to help ward off an ob - sounds like you waited a few days this time and didn't get maximum help from the antivirals?

So what do you say to your partner? Well, I advise being honest with her. Just tell her what you told us here - you weren't aware of many things about herpes and now in hindsight you realize that you put her at risk.   Nothing she can do at this point but should she notice any genital symptoms in the next 2-3 weeks, she should be seen promptly for a lesion culture and typing as well as treatment.  

keep asking questions!

grace