telling someone

[zara101]

i have had hsv2 for the past two years, and since contracting, i havnt been in any sort of long-term relationship. i was basically celibate for that time, and now i have met someone who i really care about and can actually see myself having a future with. we have been hanging out for about two months, and as our relationship continues to grow, its imperative that i tell him about my hsv2, and soon.
im just wondering if anyone out there has any advice on what to say, and how to say it with strength, so i dont break down when i explain my story to him.
thanks very much :)

[zara101]

that is perfect! thank you again, im feeling much more confident already

[gracefromHHP]

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/15788/Help--How-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-STDs?personal_page_id=2329  ; jess's journal post has good info on this. remember, it's not a confession, it's a discussion - about all std's, not just the hsv2 you know you have.

[zara101]

i definitely have it.. i was in a really brutal situation where i was exposed and 3 days later had a massive, full-blown outbreak (i could barely even stand up straight let alone walk in a straight line). the doc was 99.9999% certain it was herpes when i went to get checked out, and he swabbed me and the results were positive for hsv2 at my next appointment.

thank you all for responding, i appreciate it. i just want to make sure im as prepared as i can be, and i know the information you have given me will at least calm me down a little. i guess i'll just have to say a prayer, throw it out there, and see what happens!

[petal130]

Here's a helpful link for telling your partner.
http://www.1on1health.com/web/info/herpes/english/talk-with-your-partner/Content

Also, your partner needs to be tested as well to know his own status. Most folks who have genital herpes don't even know it, and have never been tested (herpes testing is not part of standard STD screening).

There's also a great book by Terri Warren called "The Good News About the Bad News" that can be helpful to both of you!

[freeman10]

Did you test for herpes by IGG or swab ?

[Dance_in_the_Rain]

I'm not sure how your potential partner would react to statistics, but for most people, they can prove to be reassuring, especially if told with confidence.  =)  

Per Dr. HHH & Dr. Hook (Medhelp STD expert forum):

Only a very, very small proportion of exposures to sexual partners with herpes lead to transmission of infection, particularly if they do not have lesions present.

Among monogamous couples in whom one person has genital HSV-2 infection, and who have sex 2-3 times per week, and who avoid sex when symptoms are present, transmission occurs in only about 5% of couples  per year.  Therefore, the risk for each episode of sex is low.  There a several members of this forum that have been in discordant relationships/marriages for 10-20 years & have not passed it to their partner.

If you are taking suppressive treatment, that can cut the risk at LEAST in half.  The combination of avoiding sex during breakouts/symptoms, using condoms, and taking suppressive treatment may lower the risk to as little as 1-2% a year.

It is important to have your potential partner tested, as 20%+ of the population has HSV II but is not aware of it because they are asymptomatic or attribute their symptoms to something else.  It is possible he already has it and is immune to being reinfected by the same strain.

Many people have benefited from this handbook:
http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook.html

Best of luck to you & feel free to return w/ an update.  =D