Getting worse and worse - scared

[pally10101]

Not sure if being on here is good for my anxiety or not,

I'm currently undiagnosed

My two most alarming symptoms are getting worse and worse.  I swear I just cannot think. At all!!   And standing on my legs feels like trying to balance on two dead pieces of wood.

Processing visual information I feel like I'm seeing pictures but I have no opinion on it and its just not even being processed. I've been staring at my Netflix menu not putting on a show because I can't focus on anything I try to do or watch.  Can someone please tell me they've felt this before and if it can resolve??   I'm really terrified all this stuff is permanent. I feel like I'm literally losing my mind!!!!  I'm a programmer for a living and if cant think, I can't work.

[Ricobord]

Hi, Mike.  I also hope you see this.

I have to echo what Jackie says, and I say it from having personal experience...Lyme is well documented to cause neuropsychiatric symptoms, especially anxiety and obsessive thoughts, even as far as panic attacks, psychosis and OCD.  I have had the anxiety and obsessive thoughts.  I thought my mother was out of line we she told me I was obsessing. I truly didn't realize it, and felt I was perfectly justified in being upset about being sick and doctors not being able to diagnose me. When my husband also insisted I was obsessing, I paid more attention.  It is only in hindsight as I got better that I could see I was obsessed about some things.

Some doctors who treat Lyme have documented this common behavior of Lyme patients who obsess (esp about their illness), are in a constant state of agitation, and feel a lot of anxiety.  THESE ARE SYMPTOMS, NOT PERSONAL FAILINGS OR "STRESS."

It is also typical with Lyme to feel horrible one day, not so bad the next day, pretty good, and then pretty crummy. Sometimes even all in the same day!  Symptoms come and go, wax and wane, and are often mysterious and confusing. This is classic Lyme.

Please get to an LLMD as soon as possible. Stress does not cause brain lesions and tingling and mental confusion. Spending a few months trying to relax will not improve an infectious condition.  You really do sound like I felt, which means you also need to get checked out for Bartonella. (Bart also causes neuropsychiatric symptoms, especially anxiety.)  Antibiotics can take care of both.

[JackieCalifornia]

Sorry, the first paragraph in my previous message was copied from Pally's post, meant to delete it after I parsed it in the rest of the message.  Sigh.  Feels like Monday somehow.  ;)

[JackieCalifornia]

One thing we all have have have to do is remind ourselves how bad it is to incessantly worry about this stuff. For all we know, this condition is over half caused or magnified by our own stress and anxiety inhibiting the recovery process itself.  Im not looking up any of this stuff anymore.  Continuously thinking about my state of health, is almost as toxic as exhausting as the condition I may or may not have in the first place.
Pally,

Sounds like you won't be reading this comment, but for the benefit of others who may, I'd suggest not falling into the trap of thinking your symptoms are all in your head without ruling out physical causes.

You say:  "my exposure to reading other stories of degenerating health seems to trigger a very bad reaction in my own critical and scientific thought process" -- yes, it does tend to raise one's anxiety level, but it an also help identify a physical illness that the docs are not finding due to their own ignorance and denial

You say:  "I think I just need to eliminate the belief that I'm not well and it will happen eventually."  Only if it is a psychosomatic illness, meaning one that you are imagining.  Denial of a real physical illness will not cure it.

You say:  "I felt pretty darn good until the day I read my abnormal MRI report, the panic that ensued for months after lead me to suddenly develop more symptoms of MS than I previously ever had. I don't think that is a coincidence."  One of the effects of a Lyme infection is neurological, including interference with thinking processes, hormonal effects that increase anxiety, and others.  So your anxiety reaction could be a direct effect of a Lyme infection; I'm not saying it IS, but I would not automatically assume it's just you overreacting.  It could be a sign of an infection.  It happened to me, and once treated for Lyme, the anxiety went away.

Good luck to you, if you read this.  We're here if you change your mind and want to chat.
  

[pally10101]

Today, as it has many times before. While laying by pool, my chest opened up and relaxed, and my latest week-long panic about my health subsided after some spurts. Last night my legs started going numb while taking a walk, I stayed standing and called a good friend whom helped calm me down. During talking to her I realized, "hey, it's been over an hour since I called and I'm standing and walking just fine".  Hmmm, maybe I'm not on a one way path to losing my ability to walk.  

One thing we all have have have to do is remind ourselves how bad it is to incessantly worry about this stuff. For all we know, this condition is over half caused or magnified by our own stress and anxiety inhibiting the recovery process itself.  Im not looking up any of this stuff anymore.  Continuously thinking about my state of health, is almost as toxic as exhausting as the condition I may or may not have in the first place.

I Think they've set up a good thing here, but my exposure to reading other stories of degenerating health seems to trigger a very bad reaction in my own critical and scientific thought process, I think I just need to eliminate the belief that I'm not well and it will happen eventually.

I felt pretty darn good until the day I read my abnormal MRI report, the panic that ensued for months after lead me to suddenly develop more symptoms of MS than I previously ever had. I don't think that is a coincidence.  

I'll be back in a few months to update you all about my status.  Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support.  

~mike

[Stargazer_Lilies]

I have a similar experience and I am unable to watch TV, movie, or play heavy action PS3 game. I called it "sensory overload."  It is as if the visual environment is too much for my mind, and my mind cannot process it or thinking.

Good news, they are not permanent.

[mojogal]

I don't feel any differently (better) with Mag. Wish I did.