Getting worse and worse - scared

[pally10101]

Not sure if being on here is good for my anxiety or not,

I'm currently undiagnosed

My two most alarming symptoms are getting worse and worse.  I swear I just cannot think. At all!!   And standing on my legs feels like trying to balance on two dead pieces of wood.

Processing visual information I feel like I'm seeing pictures but I have no opinion on it and its just not even being processed. I've been staring at my Netflix menu not putting on a show because I can't focus on anything I try to do or watch.  Can someone please tell me they've felt this before and if it can resolve??   I'm really terrified all this stuff is permanent. I feel like I'm literally losing my mind!!!!  I'm a programmer for a living and if cant think, I can't work.

[pally10101]

Again, thank you all for your support

I don't discount that something underlying is wrong - I just decided to stop harping on it and letting it take me over with fear until find out what it is

I'm still relatively certain that there is a Lyme or for coinfection related thing going on.  And my appointment with the LLMD. is this coming Thursday.  

I'll be sure to keep you guys posted on my progress - and I wish you all the best in the meantime

[JackieCalifornia]

Pally,

Thanks for your message.  We look forward to hearing from you --

Best wishes back at you -- J.

[Ricobord]

That sounds like a great decision. I am so glad you are going to see a LLMD.  Keep us posted if you'd like.  We are all here to give and receive support.

[mojogal]

I am very happy too that you are seeing an LLMD.
We are here if you need us!

[freefallin]

Hi, I'm trying to formulate a response to you, but I'm incredibly brain fogged right now and having difficulty finding the words to convey what I'm getting at. But, ultimately, I just wanted to say that you sound a lot like me right down the the currently undiagnosed part. I can relate to staring at your Netflix window not putting anything on because you can't process what you're seeing. I do things like that all of the time. When I was in school, I passed all of my tests basically by using context clues, if that makes any sense at all, because it was too hard for me to actually read through and process the entire question a lot of the time. So I would pick up on key words in the question and figure out the likely answer that way...I don't know if that made any sense, but yeah. I very rarely read instructions, either, because I seem to have a lot of issues with instructions and directions and general; my mind just tunes them out. So I'd just cross my fingers that there weren't any strange instructions that we were supposed to follow for that particular test and jump right into the test items. I hate watching movies because I just stare blankly at them; my brain can't follow plot lines.

I had a similar experience to what happened to Ricobord when she was driving home, too. Once, I went to pick my dog up from the vet, and when I got out of my car, this woman came up to me and started screaming at me because apparently she was waiting for the parking spot I took. I never saw her. She was really mean, too...she kept asking me if I was  blind and told me that my mother obviously didn't know how to raise children (this was particularly upsetting because my mom died recently). I wanted to start crying and say, "I'm sorry. I didn't see you. My brain doesn't work very well lately, and I realize you probably think this means I shouldn't be on the road, but no one in my family believes I'm sick, so they won't let me get out of driving. If I stop driving and doing errands, my dad will kick me out of the house." It's so hard.

I've also wondered if all of my worrying is the source of my symptoms and this really is all psychosomatic, but I just don't see how that's possible. Sometimes it almost seems like it's possible. For instance, the other day, I was feeling pretty well and just all of a sudden was hit with this AWFUL feeling. I thought I was dying, so I called my dad and asked if I should go to the ER. Once I let him know what was going on, I felt somewhat better; it's like knowing that I was no longer the only person who knew how bad I was feeling, so it wouldn't be like I didn't issue a warning and try to get help if I did die, made me relax a little and therefore feel better. But I just really don't see how so many of my symptoms can be attributable to just anxiety. Anxiety doesn't cause at least 85% of my problems.

But anyway, sorry that this response is probably all over the place. I can't think very well right now. Best wishes.