Am I being too sensitive? I just need to vent........

[kgokgo]

An old friend of mine e-mailed me asking why I've been so quiet. I replied her telling her that I've been feeling down of late and I'm now on antidepressants and I also told her that my upcoming due date is also making me more depressed. She then replied me telling me that people don't have many children anymore and I should be grateful for the two I have and move on with my life. She then told me that she was in a worse off situation (She is in Australia and her hubby is in America with work and they haven`t started a family yet) than me but she doesn't whinge. I felt like punching her, I really did. Everyone is free to have as many children as they like, right? I just can't believe she said that! I'm so upset, I don't even think I'm going to speak to her anytime soon. Am I overreacting? I,ve known her for 19 years. I feel like I'm sorounded by insensitive people. At xmas my cousin's wife told me that I'm miscarrying repeatedly coz I don't give my body a break! I think the next person who says anything like that to me, I'll strangle them!

[BP0629]

I agree with everyone on here...you have a right to be upset. However, considering the length of the friendship I wouldn't toss it out just yet. We all have bad days & say stupid stuff sometimes...just give it some time.

When I lost my twins my family & friends kept telling me that maybe it was a blessing (1st I lost 1 & carried the 2nd for about another wk) I have a 4 & 5 yr old & everyone tells me that I should feel blessed & even more so because I have 1 of each....I do feel blessed for they are a precious gift to me, however my heart has always wanted 3-4 & after losing twins & having a tubal....i long for a 3rd more than ever. No one knows what you are feeling unless they've been through it. When I 1st found this site I asked people if they thought I was selfish for grieving my losses because some of the women on here have no children...thanks to all these wonderful gals, I know my grief is ok & its ok to continue to follow my heart....sometimes friends & family mean the best but hurt you the most....thats why we love them though!!!

[smr08]

I agree with everyone else and have also been there. I have 3 children ages 21, 20 and 11 I also just lost a son in Oct. I have people telling me that I'm to old to want another child and why would I want to start over. This is my choice and if i'm lucky enough to get pregnant again I'll be dancing on a cloud!! You need to consider the source, has she ever been in your shoes? I've learned to ignore the ignorant.

                         Lori

[kgokgo]

Thank you all for your responses and advice. I think I'll keep her at arm's length for now and will never discuss these issues with her again. I think unless one has been down this horrible road, they'd never understand how you are feeling. I really think if I hadn't met you amazing women, I would have gone nuts by now. The most amazing thing about all you lovely women here is no matter how much you have gone through yourselves or how you are feeling, you're always there for each other 24/7.

Take care everyone.

[bam1014]

I don't think you are being overly sensitive!  It shouldn't matter that you already have 2 children.  If you want another that is your perogitive!  Yes, it's sad when people try to minimize your feelings by playing "oh wo as me".  My sister does it all the time and it makes it very hard to talk to her - which is why I try to keep it to a minimum.

You have been friends for so long, perhaps she was just having a bad day and inadverntly took it out on you.  Just try to brush it off and don't dwell on the negativity.

Some days it completely amazes me at how insensitive some people can be!  My DH's best friend keeps telling my DH that we are trying too hard.  What does he know!  He can get his wife pg NO problem!  Then I was forced to listen to this "friend" go on and on about how he knows exactly what I'm feeling and that if we just relax it would happen.  He "knows" all about infertility (because of his siblings), so he knows what he's talking about.  Give me an friggen break!  I was absolutely in tears by the end of that conversation and then the next day my best friend, his wife, e-mails me and says she heard I had a good long talk with her DH.  Blah, people should just keep their mouths shut, if they haven't been in our shoes.

[steph9803]

OMG! You have 2 kids and she says you're not giving your body a break? I have 3 and am praying desperatly for another. It's different if you are like that crazy single woman in California that just had octuplets to make 14! You have every right to be upset. The fact that you have known your friend for 19 years makes it even worse....She should care more about your feelings than that. I started on antidepressants 2 weeks ago knowing that I am going to be getting more down by the day with my due date coming up. I was crying on DH's shoulder for about an hour last night about it. I told him it is going to be an emotional few weeks for me. You know that we are all here for you anytime, and that you are never alone. Most of us have been there and had to listen to unsensative comments like that. I'm sending you lots of HUGS!!

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for your up coming due date. You are in my thoughts. Isn't it amazing when friends especially good ones try to minimize our pain and focus on their own. I don't understand why just because our friends are unhappy with certain areas of their lives we have to be as well. In Dec of last yr my dh and I split up for about a week. We had been having alot of problems since our last m/c which was in Sept and when I found out in Nov I was pg again we both kind of paniced. Neither one of us could handle the fact what if it happens again. I have a friend we have been friends since we were 11.  Last summer she filed from divorce from her dh they were together for 13 yrs 3 kids later. So she kind of snapped and just got strange but I stood by her side. I was always there if she needed to talk or watch her kids. Anyways so when I told her what my dh did meaning leave she told me to get an abortion. Nice friend. She knows my history or m/cs and knows how hard my dh and I had been ttc. What a thing to say. So I can relate but in a different way. I still talk to her but I keep her at a distance. My dh and I worked it all out and continue to go to therapy and we will make our marriage work. I feel for you why can't friends just lend a listening ear or be alittle more compassionate. You shouldn't have to throw in the towel because you have 2 kids I have 3 and tried like heck for my 4th. It is my body and my family and mine and dh's choice. We would have kept going but I have complications with my pgs by far this is the worst so we are done. You have every right to be upset somehow in your heart you feel as though a 3rd child may complete your family not that it's incomplete you know what I mean. I hope you don't give up and keep your friend at a distance. With friends like ours who needs enemies...LOL. I'm always here if you need to talk. Take care and best wishes to you...
Hugs,
Jenny/AP