How to comfor friend who has had rather late miscarriage

[findinghumility]

One of our married couple friends recently suffered a miscarriage at 20 weeks. They found out their baby's gender, named their baby, and had a funeral.  We are quite far away and we are unable to see them in person.  Are there any "good" gift ideas for moms who have suffered a miscarriage.  We would like to send them something more then a card and they do seem to want to remember and not just forget so we don't think it would be offensive to send them something along those lines.  Are there any good books or jewelry items etc that have been comforting to those of you who have experienced a miscarriage.  I have been blessed to have never had to tackle such a difficult thing yet and I don't want to assume I know what she's going through.  Thought maybe one of you would have some helpful advice on how to be a supportive friend when physical distance is an issue.

Thank you in advance!

[findinghumility]

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions!  The help you gave was just what I needed!  As far as the gift part goes, this is what we decided on.  Not sure how to do the link here so I hope it works...

http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/116201sympathygiftforthelossofaninfantorchildheshallgatherthelambsinhisarmsandholdthemclosetohisheart.aspx

Again thank you all!

[tarrah87]

i lost twins at 20 wks, and it's very very difficult, just make sure to let her know you are there for her WHEN she is ready to talk about it for the first 2 wks i didn't want to talk about it with ne one afterwards it helped me grieve alot to know others were there for me and it helped me get through talking about them i also had pictures taken at the hospital that helped my aunt made me a scrapbook of my pregnancy up until delivery and has pic of the twins in the box that she asked to make copies of that i love and i have a neclace in remembrance of them. so anything would be good but the best thing is to be there for her.

[kikki12114]

Also...don't forget the dad.  My husband has been so appreciative of those that have remembered him through our losses!  Someone sent us matching keychains after our first loss and he absolutely loved that he got one too!

[kikki12114]

I have had two late losses and we named both of them and had services.  It was important  for me to have something "concrete" that I could have with me all the time since I didn't physically have them anymore.  I received two gifts from http://www.labelledame.com/ and I cherish them!  It's so nice of you to want to do this for your friend, and I'm sure it will mean the world to her.  As previously stated, don't be afraid to ask questions about the baby or talk about him/her.  It means so much to me to know that people haven't forgotten our precious angels!  I also received cards on our first baby's due date (the second hasn't happened yet) and I was so touched that my friends and family remembered that as an important and difficult day too.  

[peterjl]

I lost my baby last year at 16 weeks.  We also named our baby and had a funeral.  He was perfectly developed- a beautiful baby boy.  A lot of my friends and relatives did not know what to do.  I received a beautiful poem with his name to put in a picture frame to hang with pictures of my children.  Also, a friend took me to a spa for a pedicure after the loss.  It was a good distraction.  There is also a wonderful book, I"ll Hold You IN Heaven" that I received.  My loss was extremely difficult and even a year later, I cry frequently over  it.  

[melo1224]

You are a great friend!! It's wonderful that you're doing research to find an appropriate way to let her know you care. I wish everyone were that thoughful!!

I agree with Smr08, just let her know you're there for her and don't be afriad to talk about it. I'd let her decide when/what she wants to say but you can always open the door by saying " are you okay today, I know this loss must be difficult" If she wants to talk it will come bubbling out. It doesn't help at all when everyone tippy toes around the subject.

I'm sure you could find a great memory piece that she could cheris.

[bam1014]

I think that it is wonderful that you are trying to be such a supportive friend.  Every woman goes through their own range of emotions when something like this happens.  Just be there to listen to her and you'll know in your heart when and what she needs.  Like the others said there are lots of places to google what you are looking for.  One site I especially liked, just for the comfort is pregnancyloss.info.

Also you can always tell your friend that she is more then welcome to join our forum (or any of the other millions out there).  It helps to talk with other ladies who have felt the pain and can commeserate with the loss and frustration as well as the anxiety of TTC again.  If you point her in our direction, we will welcome her with open arms.

[Mikeal'smom]

As far as being there for your friends, just let them know that you are there for them if they want to talk.  It might take a while, I have lost four pregnancies (all early) and for a little while it's hard to talk about, but then reach a point when I HAVE to talk about it to someone.......  you can google miscarrige braclets, pregnancy loss jewlrey, infant loss bracelets and you can find some really beautiful jewlrey.  I wish your friends the best, and they are very lucky to have you there to support them, even if you aren't able to physically be there.   I hope this helps.......

[smr08]

I can say that I know what your friend is going through, I delivered my son at 17 1/2 wks 10/17/08. There are many sites with items you are looking for, just google infant loss jewelry or gifts. The best advice I can give you is to be there if she needs you even if it's by phone. Don't be afraid to bring up the baby, if no one talks about him/her she will think he/she has been forgotten. It's hard but we need to talk about them.Oh, there are also infant loss memory walls you can add the baby's name to, or light a candle in his/her memory and send the link to your friend. I hope this info has helped.

                                                     Lori


      



































































































































































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