Miscarriage and Support from partner

[Latrice414]

What type of support should your partner give you since each individual may handle the M/C in a different way?

[adgal]

My DH didn't know what to do to help me.  I finally just came out and told him what I needed from him in terms of support, and he was more than happy to be there for me.  Telling him what I needed saved so much frustration on both our parts, and he has been incredible.

There is no right or wrong way for you to handle this.  Everyone grieves in their own way, and so you are totally normal with whatever emotions and feelings you are experiencing.  I wish you all the best.  Take care.

[Mumita]

My husband was very dissapointed and sad when I got my first u/s and they didn't "see" anything.  I had my miscarriage 4 days later.  My husband just wanted my physical pain to be over, I was in so much pain and he really didn't know what to do or say.  Then when the Dr. said that it usually happens because of an abnormality in the development of the fetus, my husband understood and rationalized it as its better that it happened now than have an unhealthy pregnancy with more complications later.  Then he was like, we'll just try again "it didn't take J & K that long to get pregnant after a m/c" (our friends got pregnant like a month or two after they had an m/c).  then like a week later when everything was all over I told him that all I could think about was the m/c and I asked him if he had thought about it and he said "no" which dissapointed me and I asked him why and he just said that he wants to move on and keep trying.  
I guess that he has a better approach to it, there's nothing we did wrong, there's nothing you can do about it and we just need to move on.  So eventhough he seemed kinda cold, I know that he's just trying to rationalize his feelings.  Oh and I totally agree, if I see my husband crying I would probably loose it and get hysterical so I rather not see him crying, then I'd really get sad.

[Keyan]

What a beautiful name!!!
I feel your sadness :( can only say that I'll be here if you need to talk.
Your DH probably doesn't want you to see him hurting, and is staying strong for you. Just remember that man are very different from us, and usually they don't like to talk about their emotions.

[Sharon2714]

God bless you darlin ... Try to become grateful you had this short little time with him and cherish every moment of his special little life ... only thing that kept me from deep depression was knowing i will one day meet the little one who died so young up in heaven ... i pray you get peace
sharon

[Latrice414]

Thank you for your comments.  I just feel so alone not being able to talk to my fiance, thats all i want to talk about because it jus so recently happened.  My bday was june 10th, two days later i went to er because something did not seem right with that mourning. Ultrasound showed 10 week old baby with no cardiac activity. that was a thursday, they said to contact your ob. I called her friday and had results faxed to her office. i cam in monday to see her for another ultrasound and it confirmed baby had no cardiac activity and i had a missed miscarriage. she scheduled d n c on tuesday for me, i had to walk around for 5 days with my dead baby in me. that was a terrible feeling and messed up way to start off my birthday week.  So i had the dnc on the 17th and here it is the 23 and thats all i can think about and he expressed his feelings once about the situation but said he doesnt want to talk about his feelings but will be there to listen to me.  It jus hurts so bad.  I thank god for this forum, the women on here has been very supportive, informative, encouraging etc.  i jus want the pain to go away, i dont think i will have much closure until they burry the baby next month.  I have named my little angel Logan Alex Hickman-Thompson

[Sharon2714]

it took me 18yrs to forgive my hubby for sleeping through the nurses call and he never showed up until i was reaqdy to leave because as he said "i cant handle this."  the bitterness could have ended sooner if we had effective couples therapy or some other resource ... try to forgive ladies the bitterness nearly destroyed us many times over
sharon

[Keyan]

Hi! As of my experience, cause as you said, everyone is different, me and hubby don't talk about it much, I did try to talk to him about the m/c cuase he hadn't said anything and I didn't know how he felt, but I ended up telling him that it was better not to talk about it, cause when he did talk, he was so sad, it was even worse for me. I told him that I totally understand him staying quiet (he was quiet "to be strong for me").
For me, I couldn't see my hubby cry, it was too painful, he was hurting for him and me, and when I saw him, I was hurting for me and him, and it just was to much for me to handle. I know It is selfish, but he understands me and is okay about it.

[Latrice414]

thanks for the reply.  Its just so hard because i just had a d n c on tuesday the 17th and all i can think about and wana talk about it what happened and what is happening to my body.  I want him to be more than a sound board, im glad for this forum, at least i no im not alone going threw this.  sorry about your loss in april, and good luck ttc.

[ALT76]

It's difficult to say - because like you said, everyone handles things differently.  I have a close friend who's been going through similar TTC issues as me, and we always complain that our husbands don't seem to care as much as we do.  It's tough, because they are not going through all of the physical aspects as well as the extra emotions that the hormones cause.  After my m/c in April and my failed IVF cycle last week, my husband got angry rather than sad.  It's tough because just once I'd like to see him cry a little while I'm sobbing like a baby.  But I know it affects everyone differently and that deep down, of course he cares.  However, regardless of how your partner is impacted by it, the best thing they can do is to be there for you and give you a shoulder to cry on.